Needed Change

Want to hear an interestingly sad statistic? The ratio of the American dollar to the Euro is the same ratio of Men’s vs Women’s pay scales, where for every dollar a man makes, a woman makes roughly $0.75.

Sure, men can work longer hours because most men who choose to have families are allowed to do so.

Sure, women who choose to have families tend to sacrifice time at the office because most women are expected to do so.

Is the professional input of a man's brainpower vs. a women's brainpower really different? I think all people have valuable input in business and in life, and I think it's bogus that corporate America boasts equal opportunity, but is a .25/dollar pay scale difference based upon a sexual organ REALLY equal?

I call BS.

For people out there who don't think the difference is a big deal, go to Europe and tell me you don't feel like it's expensive....after all, 25 cents per dollar spent really adds up.

Just sayin'.
Just

A bit in shock

Less than a month was all it took to defeat him.

Boom.

The big C struck.

Boom.

Doing my best to emotionally get through today. The next week will be one of the biggest challenges I've faced in 2010...watching people I love deal with heavy hearts, and doing my best to be a shoulder for them to lean on, all the while dealing with my own internal dialogue.

Send me some good vibes if you have any extra to spare.

Jumping in Head First

I did it. I am one paper away from being 100% enrolled in college, with classes beginning September 7th. Damn, that feels great to write down!!!

How do I currently feel?

Well, a bit appalled at how long it has taken to wrap up my debunked financial past to become eligible for financial aid again (and to have my old transcripts released). Sure, in the grand scheme of life, six months isn't a long time...but SIX MONTHS of constant phone calls, letters, meetings, emails...it takes a toll on a person's psyche. At one point, I had almost thrown in the towel and given up, but I didn't. I stuck with it, forged ahead, and here I sit, my first semester's classes nailed down...waiting on one final letter to submit to my new college.

As much as a whine that I live a solo life, I had a lot of support throughout this process, specifically from my dad (which surprised me more than you could ever possibly imagine). Other friends family members have been encouraging as well, and I wanted to throw them an Internet shout-out to say how much it means to me, and how truly grateful I am for all of their kind words of encouragement and support.

I will also apologize in advance for any school related rants that I am OH SO STRESSED OUT that are sure to come in the near future.

kthanksbye.

Hair Raising Question...

I need a little help from my friends.

On Mother's Day, I decided to treat myself to a day at the salon, sans little man. I went for a funky hair cut and added color for the first time in over five years. I wanted something dramatic, different, fresh and single...I left looking almost exactly the same...nothing dramatic ensued, and frankly I was a little bummed.

Maybe I wasn't clear when I was there?
Maybe I wasn't meant to have dramatic color that day?
One can't be too certain.

Feeling a little daring (what, with my cutting sugary drinks sent from heaven out of my diet), I'm going to go back and REALLY shake up my look.

I want your thoughts and suggestions!!

Currently I have brown hair that has natural reddish highlights with very subtle blonde streaks left from my last trip to the salon.

Go. Comment away! I'm open for any and all suggestions!

Hello Mr. Coffee.

In an effort to shake things up a little in my life…I’m boldly going where I’ve sworn I’ll never go. People, I’m drinking coffee without sugar or cream.

(Insert gasps, screams and jaw dropping expressions here)

The first sip shocked my bitter taste buds. I almost threw up my hands in defeat and killed my coffee with the forbidden sweeteners….key word: almost.

After the third sip, it really wasn’t as bad as I thought it was going to be. During my food revolution the past few months, I’ve been trying to be as conscious as possible about what I’m actually fueling my body with. Throughout my process, I neglected to pay an ounce of attention (haha, no pun intended) to the sweetened beverages that I pour down my throat almost daily.

Regular soda, vanilla latte’s, white chocolate mocha’s (be still my heart!). You get the picture.

I’m not saying I won’t indulge on said sweet treats…what I’m saying is I’ll only indulge on them once or twice a month instead of daily (and at the very least give it my best attempt to cut back). I love my body too much to keep polluting it with unnecessary processed crap.

The Big C

Cancer. The big C. I hate it. Hate, hate, hate, hate, hate it.

While I was vacationing in the great outdoors last week, I learned a family member was diagnosed with Stage 4 Cancer. As I sit here, typing out my thoughts, tears are welling up in my eyes. Honestly, I hadn't cried once until this moment. It's all too surreal, death and mortality.

I think that I'd been denying my grieving process, instead revelling in shock and denial the past week.

In the face of the big C, my uncle has been amazing...although I haven't had the opportunity to speak directly with him, I've kept up on his status via a caring bridge website. He (and this is a direct quote) "doesn't want sympathy because it is between shit and syphilis in the dictionary." What a great way to look at life, especially considering.

All I want to do is hug little man, and curl up under my covers. I wish I could find a lighter side in this ugliness...I'm sure I will eventually, it's just right now I'm clouded by my own emotions. I've lost too many loved ones in my life. I try to live each day as if it were my last, but that's damn near impossible some (most) days, because as much as y'all think I'm perfect, I'm far from it.

I know, in my heart of hearts, I'll eventually find solace in this situation....It will take time, and patience (which, newsflash, I have very little of)...but I will survive. My family will survive. Life will go on.

Yesterday is history, tomorrow is a mystery and today is a gift...that is
why it is called the present.

The Great Outdoors

2010 has been a treat thus far.

Last week, I was fortunate enough to spend time up north, at my Uncle's cabin. It's located 3.5 hours northwest of the cities...nestled on a small/medium lake.

As a child, I spent a lot of time at this cabin. Exploring the woods, fishing off of the dock, taking the row boat out to the island and pretending it was my own little oasis. They were great times, and I was extremely ecstatic to grant little man some of the same memories.

The week started out with a bang. We rented a pontoon for a few days, and anchored on the sandbar. The sun was out, the eagles and loons were letting their presence be known. Could you ask for anything more peaceful?

The only day it rained was a day I had planned on running errands, since I had only intended on staying up north for a few days instead of an entire week.

Oh, and let it be known, we also went to the local turtle races (don't be jealous).

It was a nostalgic week for me. Relaxing and just what the doctor ordered.

++++++++++++++++++++++

After spending some time up north, I've brainstormed a little bucket list for the remainder of 2010:

• Go canoeing on the St. Croix - it's something I've always wanted to do...any takers?
• Take a day trip to Duluth and go down the Timber Twister - I saw a news story about it, and it looks like an absolute blast...again, any takers?
• Explore one more state park before the winter frost sets in
• Schedule a couple of hours at the spa - because I'm worth it.

Do you have a bucket list going for yourself? Do you have any suggestions for mine?

The Simple Things in Life

Weekends spent with myself (and myself only) are as rare as a 90 degree day in January…in Minnesota.

This weekend spontaneously turned into one of those rare treats. It was a bit ironic that the week that both little man and I were sick was concluded by a weekend spent healthy and solo. Time spent away from each other is chicken soup for both of our souls.

What does a single late-twenty-something do with “free time”?

Hell if I know!

I started by meeting some friends for a pontoon ride on a local lake. Pure bliss. The sun beating down on the water, good company, and cold beverages were medicine for my soul. Sure, I had EVERY INTENTION of being productive at home….but to be able to get up and go, without making sure others have used the bathroom, have Blanket, or are in need of a nap, I digress.

I couldn’t resist traipsing around town, checking out a clothing store that is hell to bring a toddler to. Finding some AMAZING deals. Spontaneously spending my free Saturday night with a great friend from High School whom I don’t get to see often enough. Laughing. Having a few (more) adult beverages. Dancing to live music. Sleeping, uninterrupted.

My weekend was filled with a million simple things most single child-free people take for granted. It was blissful. It was calm. It was perfect….However, my heart prevailed and I was damn happy when life returned to me and little man. We might not live life to the beat of a single person’s drum, but I honestly do love the beat we live by.

It's been a while.

I have been extremely out of touch with this little corner of the internet...and I have zero excuses...well...except for the fact that life has been getting in my way.

Work life.
Family.
Friends.
Traveling (nothing huge, just a camping trip here and a trip to the cabin there....OH! I can tell you about CAMPING...exciting, right? Yeah yeah yeah...just bare with me!)

So...I got a little bug up my rear and decided I was going to take little man camping. Sure, I'm a girl who loves to wear a dress, but I am never afraid to get dirty. I had all of the supplies I'd ever need:

Tent
Air Mattresses
Car adapted pump for said air mattresses
flash light
swiss army knife
cooler
wicked awesome campfire starting skills
sleeping bags
bug spray
sunscreen

You get the point.

Because this was such a spontaneous idea, I planned on going to a State Park, but wasn't able to make a reservation...I was winging it.

OF COURSE that weekend, well, the particular friday we were set to leave, HUGE tornado producing storms were destined for my state park of choice. I was pretty bummed out until a little light bulb went off in my head that, duh, there are over 100 state parks...I could just head the opposite direction of huge said storm. Go me.

So, instead of heading north, I headed south. A very small voice inside of me shouted "southern MN has been TORNADO ALLEY THIS YEAR...SERIOUSLY" but doggone it, I was taking my little man camping if it was the last thing I did.

As we headed out of town, it was raining so hard you could barely see 10 feet in front of your vehicle. Little man thought it was awesome....all I could think was that I hoped it would stop raining by the time we got to the park (unbeknown to me, the highway we had been driving on flooded a mere 15 minutes after we had left town, I digress).

Friday night we really lucked out (weather wise). As it turned out, two huge cells were north and south of us...but we managed to set up shop in an area that avoided the danger.

Saturday morning came. Breakfast was had. We hiked to a small waterfall. Little man played on their small playground for a bit. We settled down for an early afternoon nap....and was woken up by the park ranger telling us we were under a tornado watch until 10pm that night.

Awesome.

In a nutshell, a call from my father at 7pm to warn me of a nasty storm headed in my direction was enough for me to pack up the site within 40 minutes and head home. We were only an hour out of the cities...I didn't want to press my luck two nights in a row. Life is too short to be taken out by a giant oak tree because I HAD TO GO CAMPING.

All in all, camping was a success. There are things I would do the same the next go-around...and things I would improve on. With the state parks sticker on my front window, I'm confident there will be at least one more trip in our near future.

Life is good.

There was a thick, rancid smell as I opened my front door. It was the first time the door had been cracked since early Friday morning, and the fuzzy strawberries and stinky bowl of pasta were strong reminders that I didn't have time to clean up before rushing up north to enjoy the long weekend.

Growing up, we'd spend a lot of time 3.5 north of the cities. It was (and still is) my uncle's cabin. It's the place where I learned how to drive a boat, bait a hook, remove a fish from my line, play tag in the woods, and enjoy everything nature had to offer.

This past weekend, I was able to share my Uncle's cabin with little man. It was his first time fishing. His first canoe ride. Countless hours were spent hitting a plastic ball off of a tee, chasing around butterflies with a net, and soaking up heat from our campfire. Words truly cannot express how thankful I am that I was able to afford him those experiences. I look forward to our next cabin excursion...the three and a half hour drive each way is worth every minute.

Breaking Monotony

I feel as if my life is in a bit of a groundhogs day slump. Monday through Friday, I wake up, get myself dressed, get little man up and on track to get dressed, apply makeup and attempt to make my hair presentable, continue to beg little man to get dressed, threaten little man that I'm going to leave without him if he doesn't get dressed, plead for little man to get dressed, race out the door to work, spend time at work conquering one task after another (yes, I'm a rockstar), race to pick little man up from daycare, quickly brainstorm a dinner idea, follow through with said dinner idea (have I bored you to sleep yet?!?!), bicker with little man about bed time, then proceed to melt into the couch in a pathetic attempt at unwinding and clearing my brain.

Does that "schedule" sound as gross to you as it does to me?

The catch-22 is I love my life, the company I work for, where I live, and my son. Love, love, love. I'm fortunate that I love all of these things...but I still feel like I'm stuck in a boring monotonous rut. I need to break free, switch things up a little...preferably with things that are low-no cost.

My geeked out garden has been a great distraction...Gardening is solitary. I'm a social bug, and recharge by communicating with other people.

Any suggestions?

I'm tempted to try and take a random half day, grab a cup of coffee out in the sun, mentally debug my head, and possibly tackle some much needed and long overdue laundry. Maybe that will free up some of my funkiness (?)

Dear Today,

I quit.


Miz.

Garden Update!

I'm completely geeked out about my vegetable garden this year!! As of this past weekend, I've officially planted everything that my little heart has desired. Here's what's in the dirt:

• four sugar snap peas (one sprouted)
• four green beans
• one beef steak tomato
• one roma tomato
• one sweet 100 tomato
• three rows of lettuce (all sprouted and coming up beautifully)
• one row of carrots, sprouted
• one green pepper
• one red pepper
• one mild jalapeno
• four rows of onions, two walla walla, two spanish sweet
• two eggplants
• one rosemary*

The water source we have is what we can carry over to the garden, as they're having technical difficulty with the spout on the building next to the garden...but I'm ok with the extra effort.

So far, the garden has been an amazing teaching tool for little man. The other day, I asked him what we used to water the garden. He logically responded with water. Then, I asked him if we used soda to water the garden, and he rolled his eyes and said of course not. I posed the question, "Why don't we use soda to water our garden?" to which he had no answer, so I explained how water makes things grow, plants or people...so if he wanted to grow big and strong he'd have to drink a lot of water. The idea has stuck with him, and I couldn't be happier.

*we also have 6" pots of basil and cilantro growing in our kitchen..this summer is going to be fresh and delicious!!!

Times, they are a changin'

I think back to the days of my early twenties. Life felt forever, permanent. My friends, my activities, what I did and didn't do. I felt like I was in a groove...some of my groove was great, and some was not so great...but it was a groove, and it was mine.

I firmly believe change is a foreign word to a young 20-something. It's a word that you only associate with clothing or your cell phone.

When I was 20, I felt like I was resistant to change. I felt as though my friends, career, school, and life in general wouldn't change because I didn't want it to.

Little did I know.

Change has been a main theme in my life for as long as I can remember, even when I didn't want to admit it.

• I've changed apartments
• I've changed friends
• Friends have changed me
• I've changed jobs
• Jobs have changed me
• I've changed. Period.

Reflecting on how much my life has changed has opened my eyes to how much life for others around me has changed. New jobs, houses, marital status', friends, family additions...you name it.

The same things people laughed at five years ago could be the same things you scoff at today. It doesn't make those things right or wrong...it's just a change in perspective. You can call it "growing up", but I chose to call it just a change....

Some personal changes I've gone through?

• Moving, although I've been living in the same spot for over four years now.
• Having a child - one of the biggest "tip my world upside down" changes I've ever experienced...and also one of the best things that could've ever happened to me.
• Changing jobs - stressful but extremely worth it in the end.
• Altering my social life to fit all of the above.

For me, some change has been exciting. Some change has been scary. Some change has been down right tough. To this day, and even at this very moment, I have to remind myself that change isn't bad. It's inevitable....and some change can be absolutely great.

The Single Parent...Part II

As cliche as life feels, hindsight really is 20/20.

As the years pass me by, and I'm afforded the opportunity to look back on my life choices, it's amazing how much perspective I've gained.

I've been trying to wrap my mind around this single parent thing for a while...specifically, how I could understand non-single parents views of single parents in the dating world.

The other morning, while driving into work listening to the radio, a local station hosted a man-panel. They asked the panel what they felt was a dating/relationship deal breaker, and presented the men with different scenarios....one of which was dating a single mom.

One man on the panel said something that caught me off guard. He said that if the woman acknowledged that they had been in a previous relationship that didn't work, put the child/children first, and were a great mom, it wouldn't be a deal breaker.

The light bulb went off in my head.

See, all of these years (read: four and counting) I've always approached my single parent life as being undeserving because I was irresponsible and wound up pregnant by an abusive, drug addicted man. I thought I was damaged, and that my baggage was far too much for any man to want to date me. I never gave myself an ounce of credit...even when people tried telling me I was a good mom, I'd smile and say thank you..but I never believed it. How could I be a good mom when I don't have a positive man in my son's life?

Ya know what? I AM a good mom. I love my child, and I am making the absolute best with what life has thrown my way. I'm responsible, kind, caring, loving, funny, silly, sweet, and can cook....the total package, really.

The only other reason I've shied away from announcing my son to the world was to protect him. I've feared (and still fear) attracting a man that would be harmful for my son...but from now on I'm going to trust my mom-gut. My intuition to protect my little man is strong...period, the end.

Thanks for all of your single parent input. I know there's still a lot for me to learn about being a single parent, and about other peoples' perspective, but I truly appreciate all of you who've shared your insight with me. It's helped me through some interesting mental battles, and I don't know if I could've gotten there without you.

And to all of you mother's out there (single or not)....stretch out and give yourselves a pat on the back..you deserve it.

Hi, I'm Stacy....

...But today, you can call me Martha flippin Stewart.

Why, you ask?

Because this chick has planted herself her very first vegetable garden. #boom.

Growing up in the city, my mom would occassionally till some land in our backyard, and plant various vegetables. I loved it. She did all of the work, and all I had to do was go outside and pick a tomato here or a cucumber there if I was hungry. Talk about the life!

Since moving out, I've become familiar with apartment life. Window boxes, gardens, having immediate outdoor access from my dwelling...these were things I was fine living without, because that's the way life is for someone in an apartment (for the most part).

In the past year, there has been buzz around my apartment complex surrounding the start-up of a community garden. While I've never participated in such a thing, I was very intrigued (especially if the cost was FREE*).

This past Saturday, the buzz was turned into a reality. The complex tilled up a 30ft x 50ft section of land, purchased chicken wire fencing, and away we went. Close to 16 people will be participating in the garden. The fence has been placed, and the plots have been sectioned off. I managed to snag plot #7, (in honor of Joe Mauer, duh)....and on the very first day I planted three rows of lettuce (all different varieties), one scattered row of carrots which I'm sure will be a disaster, four rows of onions both sweet and savory, sugar snap peas, green beans, and even managed to sow some marigold seeds close to the fence to deter pesky rabbits.

So far, this has been an exciting adventure. Honestly, I'm not expecting ANYTHING that grows to be edible...but it sure would be fun if it was!

In a few weeks, it will be warm enough for me to plant a couple of tomato bushes, eggplant, jalapenos, and green peppers. I think I'll have an awesomely well rounded patch of veggies at my disposal come June and July...I couldn't be more excited!

*Things in life are never free...although I've only had to invest about $30 for supplies and seeds...I'd say I'm doing pretty well.

Remembering 8.01.2007

Driving into work this morning, I found myself taking a route I've only taken once before. The sun was shining, and the traffic was moving along beautifully (might I add, there's rarely a more frustrating way to start your day than sitting in bumper to bumper traffic, I digress).

As I drove over a bridge, I glanced down at the river. The river's current reminded me how serene yet powerful rivers can be. I looked up, and saw a traffic sign indicating a lane closure on the next highway I was about to enter, and then boom. No, people, I wasn't in an accident. I was hit with a flashback.

Almost three years ago, the 35W bridge collapsed. I was sitting at a bar a block away from the scene, preparing to go to the twins game with a few friends. The moment we had realized what happened, my heart dropped into my stomach. 35W had turned into a sight one only wishes they see in the movies, however, on August 1st of 2007, the devastation was a reality in Minneapolis.

Black smoke was billowing into the sky, and an eerie silence blanketed the area (well, aside from all of the sirens...but even then, the sirens felt silent). Cell phone lines were bogged down from the number of people trying to reach loved ones to make sure they were alright. Millions of hands were held over mouths in disbelief across Minnesota, and the world.

The rest of the night was a blur, and the only positive feeling that evening was when I was reconnected with little man, who had been watched by a friend of mine while I was supposed to be at the twins game.

The bridge was reconstructed in (what feels like) record time.

I've driven over the new bridge a handful of times since its rebirth, but for me, today was the second time driving over the bridge during rush hour. It continues to be a major traffic artery for the metro area.

I am thankful the city has healed from such a devastating tragedy, but I know one thing....the evening the 35W bridge collapsed is an evening I will never forget.

The Single Parent

Are you a person who is single, and declares they won't date a person if they have kids?
Why?
Have you dated a person with kids before, only to find out they were a hot mess?
Are you under the impression that dating a person with a child isn't fun?
What gives?

Stepping onto my soap box for a moment, I honestly do not understand why some people openly declare they won't date a person with a child. Just because someone has a child doesn't mean they have scales, doesn't mean they're boring, and certainly doesn't mean they're expecting you to become a parent.

I've come across this road block a few times. Friends have openly told me that they can't think of any guys to introduce to me to because they feel men have a hard enough time committing to someone, let alone dating someone that has a child. I call BS.

See, I love my friends...but I feel like they've got it all wrong, after all, not a single friend of mine is also a parent (whoa, that sounds super judgy mcjuderson..but hear me out). I've also run across "Wants" on some online dating sites that openly state "What a man wants in a woman; Kids: NO."

Sure, kids can be a handful. Sure, kids can slightly limit the amount of spontaneous things you can do on any given night. But kids are amazing. They force you to see the world in a different perspective, even if you're resistant. They can make you laugh even when you're trying to be super serious. They give the greatest hugs. Kids, while at times can bring out the worst in someone, have an amazing ability to bring out the best more often than not. They are grounding. They are energizing. They are simple but complex at the same time. As shocking as this might sound to some, kids are people too.

I can say, with the utmost of certainty, that my child makes me a better person.

...so, tell me. How does having a child make a person undateable? I'm not buying it in the least.

(I guess this is my feable attempt to open up some dialogue, and make me understand (or gain fresh perspective) as to where all of the negativity surrounding dating single parents comes from)

Life can be amazing.

I was driving to work at the crack of dawn. It was a crisp, beautiful fall morning. Although I live in the city, my drive takes me past a stretch of highway that is desolate. A cemetery on one side of the road, trees bordering a neighborhood/strip mall on the other.

Pop.
Thug.
Thug.
Thug.

My tire had blown.

There I was, stranded on the side of the road. An eight month old in my back seat. A trunk FULL of crap. Cars whizzing by me...and OF COURSE the tire blew on the drivers side...so the cars that happened to whiz by were all of five feet from my back.

I knelt down, but couldn't get the bolt to loosen. When I stood up, I saw little man staring back at me, and I walked towards the curb and started to cry.

I felt defeated.
I felt alone.
I was scared.
I didn't know what to do.

I had called my work to let them know I'd be late. They gave me the highway helpers phone number...which is all fine and dandy, except for the fact that this happened DURING rush hour, and I was two miles AWAY from an actual highway. I called my dad, who basically responded with "what do you expect me to do?" as he was also at work.

Tears began to rush down my face.

As I sat in the front seat of my car, an object appeared in my rear view mirror. It was a man. He had stopped to help, and as hesitant as I initially was, I felt immediate relief. He told me to sit in my car. He changed my tire. He wouldn't accept a single cent from me. That day, he was my hero.

Human nature can be so powerful at times. I think back to that morning, over three years ago, and feel so blessed to have crossed paths with an individual who was selflessly caring and genuine.

Whoa uh ohhhh...oh oh ohhh oh ohhh*

"If you like it than you should've put a ring on it." I cannot seem to get that song out of my head this morning!!

Why?

I had a great weekend.

Aside from some AMAZING april weather, a bestie hosted a party over the weekend.

I went.
I laughed.
I jumped on a trampoline.
I danced.
I sang some Christina with friends old and new.
And did I mention I laughed?

It's amazing how therapeutic a good laugh can be.

*totally harnessing Beyonce. Werd.

Good Times, Great Oldies.

yeah yeah yeah...it's been a while since I've posted. Life is busy, beer is great, and people are crazy.

I HAVE to share this funny little tid bit. I just received an email that said:
"Thanks! That was fast!"

My IMMEDIATE internal response was "That's what she said."...then I busted out a true "laugh out loud".

If you can't laugh at yourself, who can you laugh at?

Hope all is well with all y'all!

I Did It.

Deep breath in.
Deep breath out.

I tend to be fairly spontaneous in life. Earlier this week, I decided it was time for me to high tail it back to school. I think I'm officially crazy.

The program I found would fit my schedule (read:online courses only).

I took the leap, submitted my application, and now it's just a waiting game. My biggest fear is getting turned down for financial aid (read: CRAPTASTIC credit).

I'm doing my best, and my best is all I can do. I'm happy. I'm excited. I'm scared as hell. I'm giddy.

The waiting game has begun...Keep your fingers crossed for me!!!! -K- Thnx.

Tid Bits

I've felt like my muse has temporarily left me...so how about list, eh?

- I'm still on my Kind Diet. I've slipped up here and there, consuming processed sugar, or even cheese on two occasions...which, to be honest, I felt as if I was being indulgent, but I also realized I didn't NEED to be eating it. All is going great! Here are my favorite dishes thus far...comment or message me if you'd like a more detailed description!

*Savory Cranberry Cous Cous
*Out of this world stir fried veggies including broccolini, carrots, asparagus and bean sprouts
*Killer Fried Rice
*Sweet Potato and Lentil Soup

- I'm still single, and I'm still alright with that. Sure, it's fun and exciting to explore new relationships...but I've got my hands full, and I've very glad I can acknowledge this.

- Anything you'd like to hear more about? Once my muse returns I'll be sure to post more regularly...Until then...keep being awesome!

My Kind Diet

I decided to extend my vacation by one day since my flight was due to arrive at midnight. While sitting at home, recovering from a great trip, I happened across Oprah.

She was discussing a documentary called Food Inc. Honestly, I didn't watch Oprah from start to finish, but what I did see completely moved me. I've heard about things that take place in terms of animal cruelty..but there's so much more to it than that. Needless to say, I rushed out that night and purchased Alicia Silverstone's book The Kind Diet. I would highly recommend it. I'm not trying to stand on a soap box, I swear!!

I haven't consumed meat and have consumed extremely little dairy since this past Friday. I guess you could say I'm detoxing my body. I feel invigorated in the kitchen, and a sense of peace with every delicious meal I've eaten. I think it's a sense of pride knowing that not a single animal was harmed to fill up my stomach...and also a sense of pride knowing how good the food I've been putting in my body is for me.

I've never experienced a body detox before. With it being day 4 of my "detox", I think I'm doing alright. Not too much gas, but a little. Not too many sugar/meat cravings, but a little.

I've offered most of the food I've made to little man, but he's mostly scoffed at it. There was one instance when I made a sweet potato lentil stew that he took a bite and literally said "oh my gosh, I can't believe it. It's just so good!" but then a minute later told me he didn't want to heat because his heart didn't like it. So yeah. Does anyone know of any 4 year old-friendly vegetarian/vegan recipes??

Grounded.

I woke up this morning, and decided to treat myself and little man to breakfast (read: we had just returned home from vacation and I hadn't been to the store yet, and REFUSED to go to the store on an empty stomach).

Simultaneously, he was waking up and rubbing the craziness of the previous night from his eyes. Stretching out, waking up, he was preparing to go out into the world, free, happy, and content. He would be heading to the beach to bask in the sun. He would be going to work, followed by debauchery and good times.

When I have moments where I can escape from my reality and take a "vacation" I usually stop and think "wow, this is the life I want. This is the life for me" (read: I was a month from moving to NYC after a visit...but then I found out I was preggo).

Picking up and moving across the country has always felt glamorous to me. It is something I want to do, and might end up doing some day. Today, I guess I'll stay put. Looking at little man is reason enough for me to keep my roots grounded.

..if only I could get my thoughts of Him out of my head (read: hottie I exchanged a few words with while on vacay...). If only.

Day 3

We woke up bright and early, doused ourselves with sun screen, and set out for Sanibell Island today.

It was AWESOME. Chilly, but AWESOME! I couldn't believe all of the seashells...plus, the moment we made it onto the Causeway, I spotted the dorsel fins of some dolphins swimming in the bay...Have I told you it was AWEOMSE?!

We spent the morning combing the beach, and wound up with a ziplock bag full of different seashells.

For lunch, we stopped at a nook called the Lazy Flamingo. I had a grilled grouper sandwhich (it was delish), and little man had a hot dog (surprise) which was served on top of a frisbee that he got to keep...it was pretty cool.

At noon, we went on a sea creature boat ride. Not ten minutes into the ride, we spotted a pod of bottle nosed dolphins. It was so amazing to see these creatures in person.

For dinner we checked out a place called BoneFish. I thought it was unique to this area, so I asked the server. As it turns out, it's owned by Outback Steakhouse...and there are 150 nation wide. Although it was super unique, it was EXTREMELY delish. I had chilean seabass, with an organic garbanzo bean side, and some augratin potatoes which were heaven on a plate. I also tried a coconut cream pie, and whoa boy it was good.

Day 2

Today we had tickets for the 2010 Spring Training Home Opener for the Minnesota Twins. The weather was set to be sunny and 67-ish...the perfect weather for an outdoor game! We piled on our Minnesota Twins gear, and headed out the door...but just before we left I pulled out our tickets to stare at them in excitement when GASP! I HADN'T BROUGHT THE ACTUAL TICKETS!!!!! What did I bring? Tickets for Twins Fest (which we hadn't used back in January...).
I felt like a COMPLETE TOOL! Baseball was one of the main reasons for coming down here and I managed to muck it up by forgetting the tickets.
Instead of letting my stupidity ruin our day, we found a Target (which always manages to cheer me up...go figure). After some retail therapy, we headed to the ball park to see if there was anything the ticket booth could do to help me out....they swiped my credit card and actually reprinted my tickets for me!! I was so happy, I almost started crying then and there.
The ballpark itself was beautiful. It was amazing to see the boys in action so up close and personal...plus, a kid I graduated from high school with actually got some playing time...I wish I could say I knew him well, but at least I can say that I know him (although, I'd bet money he doesn't know me..hahaha).
Our lunch was held at the stadium...hot dogs, popcorn and peanuts.
For dinner, we walked next door to our hotel to a charismatic place called Mel's Diner. It was fun, but the food was only alright.

Day 1

Okay...So I know vacation recaps can be kind of boring to read....but I'm not going to apologize, because this is about me wanting to preserve my thoughts while they're fresh in my head..thanks.

Day 1:
Awesome flight. Little man even snoozed on the plane!
We found our hotel without any issues, although we needed to kill a couple of hours before our room was ready...so we ventured up the road to Perkins for some lunch, and then to the local Walmart for some snacks. (Not going to lie, the Walmart was old, run down, and was NOT a good first impression...And I totally over bought snacks, I digress).
After we checked in and were settled, we set out on a mini adventure and found the coolest park EVER! It had an awesome play area for little man, and a really cool board walk for some awesome nature sight seeing. Dinner was had at a local eatery called Bahama Breeze, where little man and I split grilled salmon, green beans, and Cinnamon sweet potatoes.

FINALLY...

Thanks for taking the time to read my previous post. It was pretty dark, but my motivation was stemmed from the thought/belief that by sharing what I have survived, maybe someone somewhere will hear my story and feel like they will survive through dark times too.

++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

So...I'm FINALLY FINALLY FINALLY on vacation. It only took a bit of insanity for me to book this trip...but I did it, and right now I'm in Florida, soaking up the chilly sun...hitting up MLB Spring Training and being as much of a Jersey Chaser as I can possibly be! MWHAHAHAHAHA.

Of course little man had to come down with his first case of Strep Throat on Monday...ya know, just to make things interesting. He's on meds, and the timing actually worked out since he was able to take antibiotics for a few days before we took off.

If I get a moment I'll try to post a vacation update...but if I forget, I'll be thinking of you for the next week!

My Escape.

We met in February, and it was lust at first sight.

The relationship was intoxicating. I knew he had a troubled past, but my heart had faith things would be different with me. I could make him change.

I didn't allow myself to see or acknowledge his drug use. I didn't allow myself to see his temper. Although he never hit me, I saw his volatility...especially when he drank....and drink he could. Jack was his flavor of choice. Once his body was filled with the poison, he would snap and throw his weight around with people he called his friends.

I saw him get into screaming shoving matches.
I saw him kick doors in.
But I didn't really see him.

It wasn't until one spring night, just four months after our tumultuous relationship began, that I allowed myself to see his true colors. He arrived at my house late and had a cold look in his eye. I had been sitting at home, watching television. He knocked, and I let him in. When it was obvious to me that he was trying to pick a fight, I asked him to leave. My proclamation of independence was enough to push him over the edge. He wouldn't leave. He took my phone. His eyes were so cold and completely wild, and I had never been so afraid for my life. I tried to physically push him out of my house. Since I couldn't call the police at this point, I knew I needed to find a way to get from the second story duplex (read: my home) to my car.

Could I jump out of the window? Maybe.

It was then that he had tore open the screen to my entry way window, unlocked the dead bolt, and kicked in the door chain. He threw me on my bed, covered my mouth and demanded me to stop crying. I did, and when he let me stand up and asked me what MY problem was, a light bulb went off in my head. I knew I needed to act psychotic to escape..and act psychotic I did. I created an out, grabbed my keys, and darted out of the door to my car.

That night I drove to my mom's house. The next morning I filed a restraining order. Two weeks later I found out I was pregnant.

Some might look at my story and think "Why didn't you open your eyes and just LEAVE?!" or think I opened my eyes to see his dark side a month too late.

I don't look at it that way.

My son is an absolute blessing. He makes me see the world differently. He makes me see myself differently. He is the blessing that I needed. He is the best thing that could've ever happened to me.
I share this with you because a local radio station asked people to share their stories about how they broke free from an abusive relationship. I guess I broke free because I finally decided to open my eyes and actually SEE what was going on. I'll be the first to tell you that I was apprehensive to file the restraining order. We saw each other a couple of times soon after it was filed, when I found out I was pregnant. The night I told him I was pregnant, and he decided to go home and get high on whatever drug he chose at the time, then disappear on a four day meth binge was the last time I saw him.

I deserved better, and my son did and always will deserve the best. I broke off all contact going forward, and if I had to do it all over again, I would do it just the same.

Sure, I was scared....but I did it, and I survived.

Entitlement

Entitlement. Where does one develop such a thing? I suppose if you are the entitled, life is pretty darn good...but if you don't feel entitled then WHOA BOY watch out.

This morning I stopped into a small cafe to pick up a cup of joe and some milk for my breakfast. While at the checkout line I witnessed an entitled bizzo walk in, and snap at the guys working behind the counter. Now, I'm not close with the guys who work in this cafe, but I know they work darn hard, and that english is completely and totally their second language (props to them...because I ONLY know english...I digress).

See, when the woman approached the counter, they politely asked her what they could get for her...and that's when it happened. She rudely exclaimed "I order the SAME THING EVERY TIME I COME IN HERE....don't ask ME what I want"...then traipsed away.

I exchanged a WTF glance with the guys behind the counter.

This woman had SO MANY different ways of expressing that she wanted them to make "her usual"...and also didn't take a single second to realize that she wasn't THE ONLY PERSON who walked into the cafe around 7:30am and ordered breakfast.

Do I feel entitled? Not in the least. I am a person who deserves respect, sure...every one deserves respect.

Today

This morning didn't start out bad. Little man was agreeable when it came to getting ready to head out the door. Traffic felt light. In fact, I even had time to run through and get coffee. It was a great Monday.

Enter when I'm sitting at my desk and I manage to spill half of my coffee down the front of my shirt...My white shirt.

Eff.

I calmly got up, and proceeded to a sink where I scrubbed with some Ivory. And ya know what? The stain lifted. I almost starting singing...but I didn't. I just smiled, and returned to my desk...wet shirt and all.

I don't know when, why or where my perspective on life shifted....but it did. I feel less anxious, more serene, and not phased by nearly as much as I would have been five years ago. Life might spill coffee on the front of your shirt...but a bit of soapy water, and some calm temperament was the spoon that helped the medicine go down. No fuss. No stress. No worry.

Another Year...Part II

Four years ago today my baby boy was born. Tears well up in my heart when I realize how fast the time has gone. The time has literally whisked by me...I can hardly believe he's a towering, beaming, happy, healthy toddler...

He's a year closer to being in school.
A year closer to being able to drive.
A year closer to having his first crush.
A year closer to graduating high school.
A year closer to graduating college.
A year closer to starting a family of his own.

Yeah, some of you might think I'm being a bit melodramatic...but to that I say poppycock.

Time flies. I'm so thankful for that...but the selfish person inside of me is a little sad. On days like today, I wish with all of my heart I could make time stand still.

Happy birthday little man. I love you so much it hurts.

Another Year...

none the wiser.

Or am I?

I'm officially one year older (as of yesterday).
I'm officially in my late twenties (yikes!!).
I'm officially kinda sorta starting to freak out, but simultaneously have a calm aura and outlook on life.

26 wasn't a bad year in the least...for me, it was a learning year. A time that I now realize, when I look back on it, was tough and full of hidden road bumps. I guess life is almost always full of hidden road bumps..but 2009 seems to have trumped the rest thus far.

Life at 27 will be great, because that's how I want it to be. If I hit a road bump, I'm ready, willing and able to look past it. I'm not saying I won't slip up and feel out of control at times..I'm saying I'm ready for life to "bring it on".

The good.
The bad.
The frustrating.
The joys.
All of it.

I'm excited to watch little man's personality develop.
I'm excited to see what each day will bring.
I'm looking forward to belly-aching laughter with friends.
I'm looking forward to new adventures in the kitchen.

My 27th year is already going great...and it's only day two. On January 1st, I decided to dedicate 2010 to me. So far, I think I'm accomplishing just that...and at the risk of sounding redundant, I'm absolutely excited.

Guilty.

So peeps...I've started online dating again. Well, not actually DATING...but actively looking for a date. I can't decide if I'm happy about this or depressed. What I CAN tell you is I'm a total hypocrite.

I was browsing the "available men" today, and came across a profile that caught my eye. Tall, dark and handsome. I looked a little more into his profile, and it stated he has never been married, but had kids. My immediate thought was to click "next"! And then I felt horribly guilty.

I've never been married.
I've got kids.

I've been scorned in the past, and his profile made it sound like he's still got MAJOR trust issues (read: "I am sick of women cheating on me").

I don't plan on contacting this person...too many OTHER red flags went off when I read his profile...I wonder how many red flags my profile sets off with other guys. I'm very careful about NOT proclaiming to the world that I'm a single mom..I really want a guy to get to know me for me, and not run away screaming from text that says "I've never been married and I have kids".

Meh. Hopefully Karma will be kind to me.

Warm Fuzzies

Warm fuzzies and cold pricklies remind me immediately of Kindergarten. We would sit in a circle, and talk about how warm fuzzies were the greatest thing since sliced bread...and be discouraged to send cold pricklies to our friends.

We were then forced to go around the circle and say a warm fuzzy about the person next to us. It was KIND OF awkward...especially if you were sitting next to the weird kid class (read: me), but it showed us that it felt good to receive a compliment, and it felt great giving a compliment.

I feel like warm fuzzies fade into distance the older you grow...so I implore you to reach out to someone today, and send out a warm fuzzy.

It's simple. It's nice. It's free. What's not to like?

Now THAT'S Customer Service!

The night after the crock pot foiled my dinner (read: it wasn't my crock pot's fault...it was MY fault! I digress) on my drive home from work the wheels in my head started spinning. What was I gonna do for dinner?!?!

I had the makings for chicken tikka masala...but I did NOT feel like 1) Cleaning my kitchen. 2) Cooking. 3) Cleaning my kitchen post cooking.

I asked little man what he wanted for dinner and he exclaimed he wanted to go to a restaurant.

Fast food sounded gross to me...and a restaurant sounded completely outside of my budget.

Then, a lightbulb went off inside of my head. I had received an email earlier in the day advertising for a $4.95 dinner buffet at one of my favorite local Indian spots....$4.95 is within my budget...and usually this place doesn't charge kids for their buffet...and even if they DID charge me for little man, it was only five bucks so whatev's.

Dinner was unreal.

The bill was 6 dollars.

It was the PERFECT follow up dinner to my foiled spaghetti sauce.

Boom. Boom. POW!

Foiled.

What's worse than a foiled dinner?
I'll tell ya! What's worse than a foiled dinner is having a small taste of what's to come the night before, only to be left foiled come the night of said dinner...Grr.

Sunday was going well. We had taken a trip to the hospital to visit, watched some of the AWESOME Vikings game, and also made our way to the opposite side of town to visit with some MORE relatives.

On the way home, I was responsible and stopped at the grocery store to pick up meal items for my week..including the classic ingredients for Spaghetti and Meatballs.

Since I typically DREAD putting a meal together on Monday night, I thought I'd be proactive and put my meatballs together on Sunday night. In with the beef I mixed Italian bread crumbs, fresh grated Parmesan cheese, basil, garlic, onion, olive oil and a pinch of salt and pepper.

The brilliant mixture left me uneasy sitting raw in my fridge for too long...so I HAD to bake them right then and there. But what to do after they were done baking?? OH! I KNOW!! Put them in the crock pot with my homemade sauce mixture and let them all simmer together.....People, I was so excited that, not only was my meal ready to go, but all I would have to do come Monday night was boil some noodles and VIOLA! The perfect meal.

I've been a crock pot owner for YEARS...but I guess I don't use it enough to have crock-pot-common-sense. I let my sauce simmer with my meatballs overnight...in the morning things smelled AMAZING....so of COURSE I let it simmer on low while I was at work....only to arrive home on Monday night to burnt, nasty smelling stench that riddled my entire home.

My dinner was foiled....by my own stupidity.

Plain noodles with a pinch of parm was our dinner. Definitely not what I hoped it was going to be!!

Lesson learned.

Hmph.

Today I'm a wrecking ball of emotions. Yes, I still have a positive outlook on 2010...but a person in my family is sick...and nobody knows who, what, where, when or why.

If you know me well, you know that my family's picture sits in the dictionary next to the word Dysfunctional. A divorce when I was a senior in high school. My mom living with the man who was at the center of the divorce thereafter. Tough times communicating with each other....and the list goes on.

None the less...it's my family, and as much as I've disliked them, I love them just the same.

It's really scary when someone in your family is sick. It's even worse when they get sick in front of you (read: lose consciousness, fall HARD onto the floor and you think they've just dropped dead). And the cherry on the sundae is when the doctors THINK they know what's going on...only to have the powers that be laugh in their face when the symptoms don't go away, and more dropping-dead fainting ensues.

I know there are far worse things going on in the world (i.e. Haiti), but if you get a chance could you send some positive vibes my way? I'd really appreciate it.

A new endeavor...

I wasn't kidding you when I said 2010 has left me with a hair up my bum. In fact, on January 2nd I birthed an idea....

Here's what I've been working on

Yup, I'm trying out a different platform.

Please, if you have a moment...stop by and check the site out. It's different. It's new. It's fairly raw. It's me.

I'm still posting on here, as the other site has a theme that I'm challenging myself to stick to.

Hope everyone is having a great day!

Shifting Perspective

I think 2010 has planted a wild hair up my rear, seriously....because I feel different.
A good kind of different.
A refreshed kind of different.
A motivated kind of different.

Saturday nights, most 26 year olds are out on the town...doing something adventurous, or drinking mass quantities of alcohol with friends. Not this chick.

I rearranged my bedroom. I don't know why I felt compelled to shift my queen sized pillow topped mattress to a different wall, but I did.

Unlike a lot of people, I hadn't utilized the priceless storage underneath my bed that a bed can bring. Well, actually I HAD utilized it, but had pulled all of my "under the bed boxes" out and had never put them back about three months ago, I digress.

What did I encounter with the first shift of my box spring and bed frame? Things which I cannot name. Let's put it this way...it wasn't pretty. Honestly, I can't believe that I had been sleeping in my room in the condition it had been in (for such a long time).

The following morning I made a quick trip to the store, and picked up my first bed skirt. I went with a white ruffle skirt...but kind of wish I had gone with a straight one instead. MEH! I'm refused to lose sleep over it. In fact, with the bed shifting I also managed to flip my mattress...I felt like I was sleeping on a new bed, and wow did it feel great!!

Happy slumber to all!