While I was vacationing in the great outdoors last week, I learned a family member was diagnosed with Stage 4 Cancer. As I sit here, typing out my thoughts, tears are welling up in my eyes. Honestly, I hadn't cried once until this moment. It's all too surreal, death and mortality.
I think that I'd been denying my grieving process, instead revelling in shock and denial the past week.
In the face of the big C, my uncle has been amazing...although I haven't had the opportunity to speak directly with him, I've kept up on his status via a caring bridge website. He (and this is a direct quote) "doesn't want sympathy because it is between shit and syphilis in the dictionary." What a great way to look at life, especially considering.
All I want to do is hug little man, and curl up under my covers. I wish I could find a lighter side in this ugliness...I'm sure I will eventually, it's just right now I'm clouded by my own emotions. I've lost too many loved ones in my life. I try to live each day as if it were my last, but that's damn near impossible some (most) days, because as much as y'all think I'm perfect, I'm far from it.
I know, in my heart of hearts, I'll eventually find solace in this situation....It will take time, and patience (which, newsflash, I have very little of)...but I will survive. My family will survive. Life will go on.
Yesterday is history, tomorrow is a mystery and today is a gift...that is
why it is called the present.