Some days are great, others are not...but no matter what twists and turns I encounter, you can be sure I'm going to write about it!

Friday, May 7, 2010

The Single Parent...Part II

As cliche as life feels, hindsight really is 20/20.

As the years pass me by, and I'm afforded the opportunity to look back on my life choices, it's amazing how much perspective I've gained.

I've been trying to wrap my mind around this single parent thing for a while...specifically, how I could understand non-single parents views of single parents in the dating world.

The other morning, while driving into work listening to the radio, a local station hosted a man-panel. They asked the panel what they felt was a dating/relationship deal breaker, and presented the men with different of which was dating a single mom.

One man on the panel said something that caught me off guard. He said that if the woman acknowledged that they had been in a previous relationship that didn't work, put the child/children first, and were a great mom, it wouldn't be a deal breaker.

The light bulb went off in my head.

See, all of these years (read: four and counting) I've always approached my single parent life as being undeserving because I was irresponsible and wound up pregnant by an abusive, drug addicted man. I thought I was damaged, and that my baggage was far too much for any man to want to date me. I never gave myself an ounce of credit...even when people tried telling me I was a good mom, I'd smile and say thank you..but I never believed it. How could I be a good mom when I don't have a positive man in my son's life?

Ya know what? I AM a good mom. I love my child, and I am making the absolute best with what life has thrown my way. I'm responsible, kind, caring, loving, funny, silly, sweet, and can cook....the total package, really.

The only other reason I've shied away from announcing my son to the world was to protect him. I've feared (and still fear) attracting a man that would be harmful for my son...but from now on I'm going to trust my mom-gut. My intuition to protect my little man is strong...period, the end.

Thanks for all of your single parent input. I know there's still a lot for me to learn about being a single parent, and about other peoples' perspective, but I truly appreciate all of you who've shared your insight with me. It's helped me through some interesting mental battles, and I don't know if I could've gotten there without you.

And to all of you mother's out there (single or not)....stretch out and give yourselves a pat on the deserve it.


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  2. Happy Mother's Day. I have no doubt you're a fantastic mom...don't you forget that...and wouldn't do anything to harm your son. Anyone who is worthy of you both should consider himself lucky.

  3. I'm a little behind here. But from what I can tell, you ARE a good mom, and I'm glad you recognize that.