I believe that the month of March has been self realization month (for me). It started off the weekend I had a friend visit. I hadn't seen this person in over a decade. With her visit, she brought a video tape from when we were twelve. It was a home video taken on a sleep over on one of the last nights she was living in minnesota. Being mortified at the site of who I was at 12 does not even do justice to how that video made me feel. On the video, I literally sat there and held up peoples' school photo's up and bashed them...how cruel and horribly mean of me...seriously. Unfortunately, I have an idea or two about what was running through my head...
Everyone goes through their awkward pre-teen phase of life (at least most people do). For whatever reason, I had a tough time with my awkward phase of life, where I survived by picking on others around me (behind their backs of course) as a way of feeling better about myself. This is something I can realize and admit by looking back, and also something I wish I could change about myself. It is over and done with now, but I still wonder if choosing to be snotty as a kid will ever come back to haunt me.
Somedays, I catch myself falling into the thrawls of gossip, and other days, I think people perceive me as being gossipy. I hate making people feel bad, and I am firm believer in only saying something that I would actually say to their face (and I actually hold myself true to this).
I started this post a week ago, and really don't know where I was heading with my incoherent thoughts...My tired state of mind is going to force me to wrap this one up with a few bullets:
~I am not gossipy
~Although a lot of people suck, I genuinely care about the people in my life
~I don't like to be perceived as gossipy
~I am so glad I'm over my awkward pre-teen phase of life
5 hours ago