He's out there....

He will look at me, and appreciate all that my curves have to offer.
He'll see past my flaws.
He'll shrug off my wacky ideas, and love me because of them.
He'll love my cooking, and he'll love cleaning up after our meals to show his gratitude.
He'll embrace my mood swings, and be patient with me.
We'll get lost looking into each other's eyes.
He'll accept that I always make fun, spontaneous purchases.
He'll cherish my zany, sarcastic personality.
He'll love me for me.

I know he is out there, my soul mate. I'm comfortable not knowing who he is at this moment in my life. I am not going to search outright for him right now. I'm extremely content focusing my time and effort on little man, and maintaining the friendships I currently have. It brings me peace of mind to embrace this level of independence. With my comfort comes an aura of peace that I haven't felt in a while. I don't need him today, and I don't believe I'll need him tomorrow....I am living each day thankful that I have the opportunity to do so.

When he comes into my life, I will be excited to share my good fortune with him. Although it's the furthest thing from a monetary fortune there could be, it's MY fortune...and if I were to sell it today, the dollar amount would be priceless. Honestly, I could never put a price on love, happiness and health.

Music of the Heart

What is my favorite music of the moment?

I have morphed into a country girl. I know, it's embarrassing to admit publicly. But I have.

I'm trying to listen to music rather than having the television on, but it's been a bit of a struggle. The only time I really listen to music is when I'm in my car! (yes, that's kind of sad...I really need to work on that!)

The music selection in my car varies from country, to pop and even some alternative classics like sublime and incubus (yes, I believe incubus is an alternative classic band...wanna fight?)

Little man is a country whore. He absolutely loves Gretchen Wilson and regularly requests the "Oh Yeah!" song (Redneck Woman) whenever we are in the car. Lately he has taken a liking to All Jacked Up... I'm either the coolest mom ever, or I'm going to hell!

What kind of music has you at hello? (translation: What's your favorite music?)

NYE

A new years resolution you ask? Not gonna happen. Instead, I'm making a commitment to myself that I have YET to keep. Getting in shape. Yes, I've spoke of this hardship before, but now I have more reason to take myself seriously. I'm going to have to get into a dress in front of a bunch of people I know and don't know...I'm honored, and excited..but as of today, I would totally be the fat girl of the bunch.

This just won't do.

SO...aside from eating pizza THREE TIMES THIS WEEK (for the LOVE OF GOD!), I've started wearing a little green bracelet thing to visually remind me that I'm in it to win it.

My most daunting test is maintaining my "positive" attitude through that "time of the month" and what the hell do ya know..that time of the month hit me today (Thanks mother nature, eff you too!). If I still have a positive attitude at this point in the game, consider this mama good.to.go!

What's this chick doing on new years eve? Nothing.

Maybe my lackadaisical attitude can be attributed to pms, yes...most likely. I just don't feel mentally rested to deal with bar crowds, or presenting myself in a positive light in front of people I barely know. Meh, no harm no foul!!

Bring on the Fillet Mignon and Crab Legs bizzos! If I'm gonna celebrate NYE solo, at least I'll do it in STYLE! :)

Yes.

Yes...it's the start of a new work week
Yes...the next week and a half are going to be pretty hectic for most people, with the looming holidays fast approaching
Yes...this makes me happy. Very happy.

Happy Monday!

Questions and Life

This morning, I firmly believe pandora's box has been opened. While walking little man into school, I reminded him that he needed to hold mommy's hand while in the street. He graciously listened, but then let out a "Why mom?"

I almost peed my pants.

This was his first "Why" question...and I have a STRONG feeling it's not going to be his last.

I don't think I was much of a "why-child", but I know for certain that my brother was. I'll be the FIRST to tell you, it drove me nuts 22 years ago, and I'm convinced it's going to drive me nuts now!

Wow..saying something was bad "22 years ago" really makes me feel old.

When I was in my pre-teens, I remember hearing (on some television talk show) that statistically, if a woman truly believes she will be married by a specific age, her chances of being married when she was that specific age increases. Maybe this falls into line with self fulfilling prophecy...but I'll be the first to tell you that my prophecy was not self fulfilled.

I had always imagined I would be engaged at 24, and married by 26...with my first baby at 28. As a 13 year old, I had my life planned out perfectly. Little did I know I'd be a single parent of a 1yo at 24, still not engaged at 25...and who the hell knows WHERE I'll be at 26.

Although my life hasn't turned out the way I originally planned, I'm quite alright with that. I am a firm believer that good things come to those willing to wait... I've put in my time, and continue to pay my dues. I'm happy, and I think that's all that matters!

HOLA!

SORRY SORRY SORRY! I know I've been on a small blogging hiatus, but for now, I'm back (sort of...) You see, I've had a ton of things going on lately...blah blah blah, I won't bore you with the details!

Do you remember this? Well...I FINALLY uploaded some pictures last night, and just HAVE to share these gems with you. The following are a couple of pics taken while I was sitting on said tree...and the last one is the shot of my uncle attempting to find a neighbor to help us. I'm SO thankful I can look back on this day and laugh!!!







Happy Voting Day All!! I hope you Ba-Rock out with your COCK VOTE out! :) (I'm not revealing WHO I voted for, but you'd be a fool to resist a pun like that!!)

The Broken Record

I want to rewind to a time when I was taking a D.A.R.E class. What's the phrase they use again, oh yeah! "Just Say No To Drugs or Alcohol." Do you remember how they taught you to be a broken record? Repeating yourself over and over and over again....They "said" when the bad people with beer asked if you wanted one (ha, what a joke, right?) they would get annoyed if you kept repeating yourself by saying "no, I'm not interested" over and over again, and leave you alone to live your life in harmony sans drugs or alcohol.

What D.A.R.E failed to mention is they ripped off the "broken record" technique.

Who did they rip it off from, you ask? I'll tell you who they ripped it off from.

Toddlers.

I swear, little man has MASTERED this technique. "I want more, mommy. I want more, mommy. I want more, mommy. I want more, mommy. I want more, mommy." SER-I-OUS-LY! Yes, it's cute that he's actually talking...but COME.ON! Hanging out with a toddler for an evening is proof that the broken record works...but it's also proof that a broken record drives you to drink.

Maybe D.A.R.E. should've thought this technique through before using it as their master plan to keep kids away from drugs and alcohol.

Storage Room B

I've got a case of the Mundanes (obviously, pun intended). (if you were born before 1985, you should know where my references are from...if you were born AFTER 1985, then too bad for you! haha)

Today, I was speaking with a couple of coworkers, and the topic of being single without kids vs having kids came up in conversation. One coworker stated that it's frustrating for her to hang out with Moms because all they do is talk about their children. Is this the whole-hearted truth? I don't think so. At least not for this mama.

I took the time to reflect upon myself and how I interact with my friends. I share stories with them about the abuses I suffer at the hands of little man. I share moments I feel they might find comical. Maybe I'm a mom in denial. I refuse to believe I'm one of "those moms." The kind where it's little man this, and little man that. I also make an effort to ask about how their life is going, discuss current events including politics and sports as well as listen if they have things going on they need to vent about.

When I write, I definitely include little man stories, and frustrations...but my blog is personal, and I feel it's an outlet for me when I don't feel like burdening the people I know IRL. Meh.

I think I need to find my swingline, and move to a beach. Today, it feels like that's the only thing that will cure my case of the Mundanes. Have you seen my stapler?

An Answer.

Oh.My.God. If I hear the Roseanne radio commercial where she talks about her vegas show, and you can tell she's reading a script, and the local dj's ALSO record scripted questions. SERIOUSLY! I might be forced to rip my ears off...and that wouldn't be a lot of fun for me.

ANYWAYS....

Onto answering Mandy's question:

If you had a chance to move anywhere in the world, where would it be and why?

I can feel my mind wandering to far off places right now. If you asked me this question pre-little man, I would answer without hesitation: New York City. However...it's not the best place to be single raising a toddler....SOOOO....hmmm, I'm a bit stumped. I am going to do myself a favor and rephrase the question so I can answer it :) If money were not an obstacle, I would move to a US coast, so I would have easy access to the ocean, as well as an international airport to travel back to MN in the spring and fall to enjoy the weather and see my parents and extended family.
I still have a lot of traveling ahead of me, so an living close to an international airport would be important and until I experience other parts of the world. I don't feel I'm educated enough (geographically speaking) to fairly weigh my options of moving to a different country. Do I want to visit Europe, South Africa, South America, Australia and New Zealand? OF COURSE! But until I experience their culture firsthand, I can't pinpoint where my dream home or area of the world would be.

Wow...what a lot of unnecessary rambling! I hope I answered your question!!

Rainbows and Butterflies.

Black Coffee...I just don't get it. How can a person drink something hot that leaves your mouth with an extremely bitter, unpleasant aftertaste? To me, drinking coffee straight black is like waking up, going down on a guy, and swallowing EVERY MORNING...It just doesn't make sense (that is, unless money is involved, or, they happen to tuck their shirts into their underware...I digress)!!

How do people resist adding sugar and cream/milk? It turns a hot, bitter drink into a smooth, deliciously nutty beverage. The cream and the milk enhance the coffee flavor, so instead of destroying your taste buds, they are treated to hot ice cream. It's genius!

I know people say they were conditioned to drinking straight coffee, just like they were conditioned to drink nasty keg beer in college. Once you grow up, you realize that there is more to beer than nasty bush light...so why don't people realize there's more to coffee like that with sugar and cream/milk? Let me repeat myself: I just.don't.get.it.

I'm now convinced whoever can stomach drinking straight coffee and swallowing in the morning, and also enjoys Bush Light keg beer is a terrorist. Watch out, Georgie Bush Jr. is gonna get ya!

I wonder how John McCain and Barack Obama take their coffee? Now THAT'S a good question!

Fall

For all of you google feed readers out there...I just deleted a post I had written yesterday (and was published about 28 minutes ago). For inquiring minds, I had written it about a dramatic petty silly situation at work that had my undies in a bunch.
As I suspected, after a great night of sleep, my undies became unbunched, and I just didn't feel right about airing work drama via the internet. Sorry! :)

A Couple Things...

I am NOT a fan of waking up when it's dark outside. I mean, really! Mama always said, "Stay in bed 'till the sun is up and shining"...why can't that apply to the working world too??

The weather in MN cracked yesterday, and was BE-A-U-TIFUL! I took the liberty of going on a short 1/2 mile walk with little man. We walked over to visit with a friend, and on the way to and from my little stinker was talking my ear off. I need to force myself to have more moments like this with him. It sure beats sitting inside watching tv!

blurbalicious

I never dry my shirts or pants in a dryer; I hang my shirts to dry in my closet, and drape my pants over the back of my kitchen chairs

I am extremely tough on myself

I think my passion for life is misleading and often times intimidating

Laundry depresses me

...So does dating

Sometimes, I take an opposing side just for the sake of a great discussion

I see the good in people, and am mostly in denial about the negative aspects of people

Little man amazes me more and more each day

Often times, I wonder if broken relationships from the past will ever be mended

I am obsessively narcissistic about my blog. Some days I really want to be funny, others I strictly want to vent...but everyday I constantly check my site stats (kind of sick, eh?)

I have a really thick Minnesotan accent

I wish I had a circle of single parent friends...or even just parent friends that I could relate to and turn to for support

I hate money

I love school/learning

I admire people who can run a mile without stopping

I wonder if I'll ever be invited to play a role in someones wedding

I am almost convinced that I'm addicted to sugar

Tonight is the first time in as long as I can remember that I washed some clothes, and actually put them away in the same night


Those are a few blurbs about me...stealing borrowing inspiration from Cheryl, are there any questions you feel like asking me? Anything, really...Remember, you'll never know unless you ask :) (well, that's not totally true, but work with me people!)

Almond Joys Have Nuts.

Sometimes I feel like a nut. Today is one of those days. I wonder where that phrase came from...Who REALLY knows how nuts feel anyways? Do peanuts and pine nuts have different personalities? Is one nuttier than the other?

I personally love cashews...but let's be real people...Cashews aren't nuts. They're legumes (I think...which might classify them as WHAT exactly? Your guess is as good as mine).

It takes one to know one...so does that mean it takes a peanut to know a peanut? If so, I am not a peanut.

All of this talking about nuts leads me to a funny quote:
"Peanuts?"
"No Thanks...I got some myself. They're a little bit salty but I....consider them a carry-on."

Craziness

When I was expecting, I remember the first times I felt little man kick. It is an amazing feeling that is near impossible to describe. On that note, I've been having phantom baby kicking feelings. Weird huh? Especially since I haven't "gotten lucky" in close to a year.

No matter how hard I try, I always spell "weird" wrong. Whenever I hit spell check, it's usually the ONLY word highlighted. I think the word literally taunts me. Stupid word.

On another note....I've got a case of the Monday's...and it just so happens to be Monday. Go figure.

Quack Attack

Lately, it feels like all of the people I know are trying to get their ducks in a row. I am trying to do the same, but I feel like my ducks are of a different breed. Theirs consist of organizing finances to return to grad school, planning a wedding, doing remodeling projects around their homes, etc. Mine consist of paying off large amounts of debt, struggling with a decision about returning to school to achieve my first degree, reorganizing my finances so I can afford either of the previous (plus afford to pay rent, my electric bill, and buy groceries), deciding if buying a house is truly plausible for me, settling on a school district for little man to call home, all the while keeping my home life stable and happy.

I really don't know how I'm going to get these duckies to line up. Thinking about it makes my head begin to throb. I try to live my life taking "Baby Steps" (ha, no pun intended), but I feel so overwhelmed with my exotic and burdening ducks, I can't figure out which baby step to take first.

Blah Blah Blah...I'm a whiny baby. I wish I could find a duck wrangler who would willingly help me either a)win the lottery, or b)line my ducks up whilst creating the lease amount of grey hairs on my head as possible.

Ode to the Durse

You're big.
You can carry my load.
Every time I need to find something, you seem like a black hole.
You've made me feel secure outside of my comfort zone.
Most importantly, you've been there for me, through make-up blunders and dirty diapers.

As a 23 year old single mother, I had to come up with a creative resolution to carrying both a diaper bag AND a purse.

I've always had a love hate relationships with purses (doesn't that seem as if it should be purseai? Ya know, like syllabus::syllabai, HA! AS IF). I was rarely able to fit my necessities in the cute purses, but couldn't bring myself to buy a "bag."

I was stuck in the middle, and not liking it.

Then, little man came along and I'd be damned if I didn't leave the house stocked with baby supplies that could last me a week if need be. Enter, my Durse.

It wasn't sold in the baby section of target, but I refuse to call it a bag because I'm stubborn like that. It was fashionable and practical for me and my baby. If you are a new parent, don't waste your money on a diaper bag, just go straight for the durse. If you're a sexually active person, invest in a durse instead of another cute impractical purse...trust me, it'll be worth it later ;)

Call me crazy. Call me inventive. Just don't call me a bag lady.

Public Spider Announcement (PSA)

Five spiders in two days....seriously.

I've lived in my apartment for two and a half years. In that time, I've been riddled with pests galore, and to add to the mix this week, I seem to be finding a spider lurking around every corner. Is this a sign I should move? The issues wouldn't be so difficult to deal with if I had someone to share my frustrations with. Particularly this week.

I feel as if the spiders have decided to target me. What did I ever do to them? It doesn't help that I don't like spiders at ALL. My only sidekick stands at just over two feet tall...and, lets be real, he is much more of a wuss than I am. He cowers every time a fly is in his vicinity.

It would be one thing if these spiders contributed around my place. If they dusted here, or put the dishes away there...but they don't. They just sit in the corner where the ceiling meets the wall and stare at me. Their beady eyes tell me "I'm going to bite you when you're sleeping, and then I'm going to crawl into your mouth." Can you understand why this hasn't been a lot of fun? How would you feel if you were taunted by creatures the size of dime?

So, my message to spiders is simple. Stay out of my place, and you won't be introduced to my lethal paper towel while listening to me screech in disgust, only to end in a swift run to my trash. Thanks.

Relationships

For a long time, I was never comfortable in social situations. I had a looming feeling that I needed to impress people, and would never fail to say something obsurd or annoying. It was never intentional, it's just something that always seemed to happen.
Some things haven't changed, however, one important thing has. This past week, I met up with some great people I hadn't seen in years. We were brought together again because of the passing of a high school classmate. Although I hadn't spoken with this classmate since high school, I felt an extremely strong urge to honor him, his life, his family and his friends by attending his services. I had known him since elementary school, and it was the least I could do.
His untimely passing gave all of us a shining opportunity to catch up with each other. I wish it were under better circumstances, but I am so thankful I was able to spend time with these people.
When I arrived home after spending a night with these people, I was struck with an amazing realization. For the first time, I felt like myself around this particular group of people. The feelings of expectation had faded from my inner conscious. It was a simple night. It was a great night. I hope there are many more of these nights to come.

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Particularly, around this "time of the month" I tend to get a bit down about the way my life is going. I have dozens of people I know, but this "time of the month" never fails to whisper in my ear that I don't have many people who are besties. I feel saddened by this and only blame myself...but somethings are not to blame, and although I'm the first to point the finger at "me", I know I am just being a bit melodramatic.

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All of the thoughts running through my head are stark reminders that relationships are valuable and precious. Friends, family, acquaintances and peers. All are delicate. All deserve the utmost respect. All are what make us rounded individuals.

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I am one who tends to shrug these types of feelings off with a "meh." I have the feeling(s), I let them out, I go to bed, and I wake up with a smile on my face in the morning. Maybe that's weird to some...but to me, it's what I do best. If you stuck with this post for this long...Thank you (or should I be saying I'm sorry. hehehe).

My Utopia

When I grow up I'm not sure if I want to be famous, or a star, or be in movies.

When I grow up, I'd love to see the world, drive a nice car, but I'm not so sure I'd be interested in having groupies.

When I grow up, I don't need to be on TV, have people know me, or be on magazines.

When I grow up, I want to be happy, surrounded with people who are morally upstanding, and live life to the fullest without being materialistic.

I've been careful what I wish for because I just might get it...and by-golly, wouldn't that be fantastic.

Things that make me go Hmmm.

At the risk of having an Andy Rooney moment...here are some things/concepts I just can't seem to grasp:

How my house seems to turn into a disaster area within the blink of an eye.

I have a lot of people in my cell phone directory...why do I spend most of my nights alone?

How am I going to acheive my goal of becoming a homeowner in the next two and a half years, when I can hardly seem to afford to pay the bills I currently have?

Allergies.

The reasoning (or lack there of) of a 2 1/2 year old little boy.

Laundry. Loads and Loads of laundry.

The reasoning (or lack there of) of men.

Immediate family.

Neighbors in apartment buildings.

Neighbors in general.

Luck.