I was looking for a mental escape. It was the beginning of winter, I was stressed out to the max and feeling completely alone. I know I have good friends I could call upon, but I was afraid to do so. I had heard my friends talk about their "blogs" but had no idea what it was, or how I went about attaining one. All I knew, was I needed an outlet, and I had run out of options.
I started writing. I had never been a huge fan of a written journal. My hand would always cramp. I would also forget to write in it for months at a time. The blog was the answer to my problems.
Some would say that I am obsessive over posting. Others would say that my blog is boring, long, and on the verge of lame. To them, I say "to each their own." I am not clever, witty, or very creative. But these posts, for the most part, have kept me from falling into a deep vortex. It's amazing to think that venting through some quick writing can help a person as much as it has helped me. My blog has been my antidepressant. My blog has saved me from having to pay copious amounts of money to express my feelings to a stranger, knowing what their responses were going to be.
This morning, after reading a great post by an awesome blogger, Kristen, I started wondering how censored I have kept myself since starting to post my thoughts. I'd like to think I bare all,but I know I've held back a little because I'm afraid of what some of the readers here might say or think about me. I don't think my family even knows I post, nor does my office. The majority of the readers here are my real life friends. They know me, although I try to keep myself anonymous. Does knowing that I'm not as anonymous as I think I am hinder my literary freedom? If I start writing posts that come from my gut, will my real life friends look at me differently? Will it matter to them? Should it matter to me? I think these are rhetorical questions, because I know I am the kind of person who will write what I'm thinking and go back to edit myself later..
4 days ago