I still feel like poo...Hopefully, with a couple more full nights of sleep, this will pass.

I had a very interesting discussion about sexual harassment with a few co-workers today. Apparently, my boss had been a victim of harassment before policies, procedures, and strong HR departments were in place at a carpet distribution company (this was waaay back in the day). I got to thinking how horrible it would feel to have unwanted gestures of affection sent my way on a daily basis. She had to suffer through notes left at her desk, affectionate voice mails left at all hours of the night, him telling her he was following her home, all the while she was happily married...talk about creepy huh?!
Another co-worker shared a story about one of her employees (also from waaaay back in the day) was a lesbian alcoholic. At first, I was like "why does her sexual orientation matter?" but I went along with the flow, and when the story was over, it all made sense. Apparently, this lady had shown up rip-roaring drunk at a bowling league my coworker was in. The drunkie was making a huge scene, and my coworker pulled the drunkie aside and had asked her to stop...when my coworker went out to her car that night, her windshield was smashed!! Apparently, a few years later, the drunkie went into treatment, and tracked down my co-worker again...basically apologizing as a part of her treatment. My coworker also said that in drunkie's apology, it was made clear that drunkie only hurt my coworker because she loved her....drunkie left after her love-confessed-apology, and was never heard of again.
I thought about disclosing my "little-man's father who was also a coworker of mine and I had to file a restraining order against him but still work 15 feet away from him for a while until I quit because I couldn't handle it anymore" story..but I kept my mouth shut, reserving that story for those who read my blog, and my close friends. It's a personal story, and I wouldn't want my coworkers to lose respect for me, or get the wrong impression. It was a mistake I made when I was young, naive, and thought I knew everything. I am still relatively young, have become less naive (but still have moments of weakness) and know practically nothing about anything.
Have you ever been placed in an uncomfortable working situation? Do you know anyone who has? How did you, or the person you know, handle the situation?

Note: There was also a mini discussion about a guy at my work who was setup by a female (both of which no longer work here) and in turn lost his wife, and job...so it can definitely go both ways!!

Half-Empty or Half-Full?

So far, my day has entailed:

*unintentionally sticking my foot in my mouth by making a joke with a tenant about not being able to hear, then realizing they were wearing a hearing aid.

*coming to the conclusion that I need to stay away from blogger and g-chat during my work days (at least until I can get a grasp on my daily work that has been recently assigned to me)

*feeling like I was hit by a bus and simultaneously have a fifty pound weight on my chest (which is probably the start of a horrible chest cold, but I have been chugging oj like nobodies business...so hopefully I will avert any/all sickness)

How is your day going? Hopefully better than mine...and mine is ONLY half way over...which only means there is a lot of time for improvement. Hopefully, the date with my pillow scheduled at 8pm tonight will help!!!!

Questions and Dreams...

As we were driving home from our adventure day at the MOA, little sweet Bop asked me "Where is little-man's daddy?" I have been thinking about how I was going to answer this question since the day I realized little-man's father was not going to be in our lives....a question that I still didn't know how to answer...and was hoping I would not have to worry about for at least another year.
After picking up my jaw off of the ground, I told Bop that little-man has many people in his life that love him and care about him...and that I (his mommy) love him so much that it makes up for the fact that his daddy isn't around. She took what I said, processed it, then continued to watch the scenery around us.
I have been thinking a lot about where my life would be if I hadn't fell into a relationship with little-man's father. About where my life would be if I had decided to stay with little-man's father.
Last night, I had a horrible dream. It involved little-man's father. In my dream, he found out where I lived, showed up at my house, and proceeded to beat me to a bloody pulp. Let me clarify, in reality, this man has never left a bruise on my body...we scuffled the night he had shown up at my house high on whatever drugs he was on, but he never physically hit me, (he just scared me to the point where I felt afraid for my life, and that was enough for me to file the restraining order against him three years ago...) I am still a bit disturbed from the feelings this dream left me with. I wish I could interpret dreams, just to ease my mind of any fear or uncertainty...
I know, in my heart, that I would not be where I am today if I had decided to stay with him...if I had decided to compromise my morals and stay with a man who was emotionally abusive, and secretively on very scary and dangerous drugs. I know I am better off on my own, as lonely as it may be. I know I am finding happiness in the simple pleasures of life. I am finding content in the daily hugs I receive from little-man. I am finding peace and serenity in my surroundings.

Good times...

Here's a little taste as to why I laugh so much at my life... (sorry about the sideways pic. it was too funny not to put up, but i couldn't flip it for whatever reason!!)




1) Little man is OBSESSED with wearing my shoes around. Heels or no heels...he clink-clanks around, happy as a clam.
2)Isn't he a little ham? I caught him lounging one night, and couldn't resist a quick snapshot
3)Cousins who love each other....so much so that they were giving each other rides on that little car...
4)He found an old art project, and tore the stickers off and put them on his face...so creative!

Pick a Little, Talk a Little....CHEAP CHEAP CHEAP!

Talk, talk, talk...If you don't personally know me, I'm sure you can gather from the frequency of my posts that I like to talk. Some days, I talk just to hear myself, but for the most part, I talk because it is something I enjoy doing...a lot. I think I can consider talking an addiction which I don't think I will quit anytime soon. Whenever I am in the car, I especially feel the need to talk to someone. Since little-man HATES car rides, he is usually either yelling at me, or pouting in the backseat...so what does a girl who's addicted to talking do? I pick up my cell phone and start dialing just about anyone and everyone I THINK will talk to me. About ninety percent of the time, I get peoples' voice mail (to which I am going to tell myself it's because they are busy...but I highly doubt that is the case!! lol).
Tonight, when I was driving home from M's house, I lunged for my cell phone to fulfill my addiction. This time, I stopped myself from dialing. I think I am getting to a point where I want to stop talking, and just spend time with someone. I want to encompass the silly old country song that says "you say it best when you say nothing at all." It's a weird and lonely feeling that I am not used to feeling. I love my friends and the people in my life, but I am yearning for just a little bit more. (HA! It took less than a week for me to contradict myself!!! TOLD YA SO!). No longer am I yearning for someone to listen to me, or for someone to talk to me. I am yearning for companionship. For something more powerful than just a friendship. I know some of my friends have found this, and I am completely happy for them...but when is it going to be my turn? I am sick of waiting. I am sick of trying. I am sick of throwing myself "out there" and coming home with nothing to show for myself...not being one step closer to finding that person to share wordless evenings with, but feeling one step further from my hopes of a companion.
Rejection is really hard to digest. I know I am mostly to blame for some of the rejection I have experienced...but that doesn't make it any easier. I wish there was an anti-rejection tablet you could take after a bad date, or a night when you "hope the guy is going to call to hang out again but doesn't"...I would sarcastically say alcohol is an anti-rejection drug, but I don't think it's that easy.
Does anybody have any ideas for me as to how I can make things better? How do you handle rejection? How do you get through lonely nights when all you want to do is spend a wordless evening with someone special but don't have anyone to turn to?

**Bonus points if you know where my title is from! :)

When it rains...I pour...A couple more

My g-ma was a raging alcoholic since the tender age of 33...supposedly (according to M) that is when her mother passed away, and she decided to numb her loss with E&J. I will never forget her, sitting in her chair, with a low-ball glass full of E&J and a lit cigarrette...
M drinks on a fairly regular basis. In fact, she reminds me of what my life would be like without little-man around (drinking/going to the bar at least four times a week). She mainly sticks to beer, but also hankers for a margarita, and has even been known to do shots of tequilla or rootbeer barrels. Some people would say "it sounds like you've got a cool M" which I won't disagree with...but there's a time and a place to have an alcoholic beverage, and I highly doubt semi-hardcore to hardcore drinking four nights a week is interpreted as cool when you're almost 50.
I worry that she has followed in my grandmothers footsteps. I don't think she has been in a "non-stop drunk state" since g-ma passed away, but her habbits are not age appropriate, and definitely leaning heavily towards the path of alcoholism. I don't dare speak with her about this because she is more stubbon and hard-headed than I am.
I know a sign of alcoholism is also denial. I know my g-ma denied her drinking until the day it took her life. I know M and others in my family had multiple interventions to try and break up the intense relationship between g-ma and E&J. I don't want to be put into the same position as M was, and be forced to have interventions with her for the sake of her liver, but I have a sad feeling that day will come...
I've been extremely crabby today. The thought of alcoholism entered my mind, because all I want to do is leave work, and go to the bar. The only friend I am looking for goes by the name of Honeyweiss...I wonder if I will walk down the path of alcoholism. It scares me because the last thing I want to do is put little-man in the position where he feels he has lost his mommy to a liquid demon. I don't drink often, and I don't need to get drunk when I go out with friends. I just enjoy releasing stress and kicking back with a brew. Is that being an alcoholic? I am totally confused. I also have the responsiblity of little-man that is keeping me at home 90% of the time. Isn't it ironic that I love little-man to the point where I don't mind being at home most of the time, but when I really feel the NEED to go out, it is because I feel like I need to escape his suffocating toddler behavior?

SPKP

Lately, my two year old has been pushing my buttons so much, that I have contemplated donating him to one of those corner clothes drop-offs (the thought has only crossed my mind twice in the last twenty-four hours...gimme a break, he's a tough cookie!). My cousin told me those drop-off sites only accepted clothes, to which I responded "he'll be in clothes, doesn't that count for something?" In reality, I love little-man. In reality, he will grow out of this nasty phase of life before I know it. In reality, I take his actions too personally...
Instead of referring to little-mans current behavior as the "terrible-two's", I will refer to it as his "sour-patch-kid-phase." Little man exhibits extremely sour behavior, then becomes very sweet...just like those silly sourpatch kid commercials. Hopefully the "spkp" will not last longer than a year, but with my luck, it will continue until he's out of the house and graduated from college!
~~~~~
The only thing on my agenda for this weekend is laundry, and some quality time wiht little-man and bop. I swear, I have about 15-20 loads to wash and put away...I'm.Not.Excited! I'm sure there will be something crazy that happens. If and when it happens, I'm sure I'll write about it! Happy Friday!

DeRusha Rules!

If you've been reading my posts for a while, you will know that I have been obsessing over WCCO (a local news stations) segment called Good Question. If you are not cool, and you haven't been reading since the beginning, or have forgotten, or are not from MN, Good Question is when a local journalist answers a question submitted by a viewer such as "Why do songs get stuck in our head?" (which was a question I submitted and had answered as a story on the WCCO website (O'Doyle RULES!).
Today, after reading about the horrible bus accident that took place in the outskirts of MN, I decided to email the Good Question people "Why aren't kids mandated to wear seat belts on school buses?"
I was not expecting a response at all...I am numb to not being responded to from the WCCO peeps (it took them almost a month to write up a story about my "songs" question...).
After returning from a going away get-together for a good friend, I was happily greeted by an email from, none other than himself, Jason DeRusha. He is not only the coolest guy (in my biased opinion), but he is also a down to earth funny family man. I feel completely honored that he took the time to answer me...he definitely has a million thumbs-up in my opinion.

Total Eclipse of The Heart!

The news has been talking about the total lunar eclipse that is supposed to take place tonight...so if you haven't heard, and you're in MN, it is supposed to look pretty cool around 9:30pm..and won't happen again until 2010!
~~~~~
The weather has been so fricken cold lately! We always get these silly teaser "heat waves" where the mecury jumps to around 30F, but then plummets to -10 below zero for days on end! It is also a very difficult time of year, because when you look outside, you see a bright sunny day...but then get BLASTED with the bitterly brutal weather the second you step outside. When I was walking the mail down today, I glanced outside and realized even the grass looked like it was sick of this nasty weather! I think it would be a great idea to give people in MN free vacations to someplace warm this time of year. It could be in the form of a voucher or something...ESPECIALLY for us single parents...or single people in general who are broke but working full time...yeah, I think I've come up with a brilliant idea...Now I just have to figure out how to get T-Paw (Pawlenty) to pass this and make it happen..."YES WE CAN!" hahaha
~~~~~
Little-man survived his b-day with poise and dignity. I threw together a small impromptu party that consisted of the grandparents, his great aunt and uncle, and a handful of friends :) He was super happy and I think this was the best birthday so far. I had to assist him with blowing out his "2" candle..but he was close to doing it on his own (he just got a little too close to the flame, so mama had to go in for the assist). I still believe that the mama's should be celebrated on their children's b-day...and you can bet your bottom dollar that little-man will be WELL AWARE of this with each birthday that passes.

ROSEBUD!

Happy 100th to me! And Happy 2nd Birthday to Little-Man! I have had QUITE the CRAZY past twenty-four hours. Let me start out by saying that internet dating has produced the worst possible dating experiece thus far. I don't understand why people suck...I mean really.
I have been participating in ewhatthehellwasithinkingharmony for over a month. Another one of my friends has started using the same internet dating service, and he's a great guy, so the chances of me finding a great guy seemed favorable. If you are unfamiliar with online dating services, they basically send you profiles who they think will fit your personality, based on a long survey you initally have to fill out. Your profile is sent to the same people who you receive. Sometimes you start talking...Sometimes you delete the person from your file...and sometimes nothing happens.
I hadn't been too picky when messaging guys...If they were taller than me, and didn't appear to be in horrible shape..I figured "why not?"....Well, last night opened my eyes to the "why not?"
I had been speaking with a guy for about a week. He seemed nice via email. He was the single father of two kids, which he took care of full time. He was 25, but never married (and the kids were by the same mother, which was my first red flag). He was 6'1 and looked clean cut, but geeky in a slightly emo way. He seemed pretty intelligent via msn chat, and we seemed to share the same sense of humor (again, the humor I had interpreted through msn chat). I decided I was sick of the online chatting, so I suggested we meet for coffee.
The second red flag occurred when he said he didn't drink coffee and he would prefer to meet at a restaurant. My naive brain assumed that a restaurant would mean a sit-down-have-a-server type of place...like your local neighborhood grille. His idea of a restaurant was meeting at the nearest fast food joint. I did everything to stop myself from laughing...but I went along with it thinking "I can't knock it till I tryi it."
As I was sitting in the parking lot, staring at the door waiting for the 6'1 geekey but kind of cute looking guy to walk in, I decided I should call him to find out if he had somehow made it inside without me noticing. He said he was inside, and waiting.
I gathered my courage, and walked inside to be greeted by a man who looked worse than a homeless guy you see on the corner holding the "Will Work For Food" signs. He had a beard that was about four inches long, greasy hair, clothing that even the Good Will would throw out, and was eye level with me (I am 5'9 and was wearing 1inch heels...he was totally not 6'1). And to top it all off, he handed me a rose that was dead....dead like he had purchased it nine hours ago and not put it in water kind of dead. I wanted to run, but I didn't want to hurt his feelings. Call me crazy, but I stayed for "dinner."
He insisted on paying, which was unneccesary. We sat down, and I ate like the tazmanian devil. The conversation wasn't the worst, but he was talking extremely loud and everyone was staring at our table. At that moment, I wished I could magically turn myself invisible.
Twentyfive minutes later, as I was sitting across from him freezing due to the cold and uncomfortable senario I was faced with, I gave him the old "look at the time, I really should be going. It's getting late and I have to run to the grocery store and I would like to make it home to put little-man to sleep" bit. It was all true. I didn't have the heart to tell him I would never see him again. I didn't have the heart to say that showers are a good thing when you are meeting someone for the first time. I said good bye, avoiding all physical contact (i.e a hug) and drove off.
I still can't decide what part of the night was the most disturbing. The dead rose, his physical appearance that looked nothing like his original profile picture, the smell that I couldn't quite decide if it was him or not, or his awkward social demeanor. I know he had a good heart, but a good heart isn't enough for me right now, and I don't feel bad about that.
~~~~~~~
On a completely different note, Little-man was swallowed whole by the "Two year old demon monster" while we were sleeping last night. He woke up a different boy. I still love him, but am planning on throwing a kegger when he turns 3 to celebrate the end of the terrible two's. I have also contemplated on making a paper chain (like the kind you make in kindergarten to count down the days to xmas) that is 365 days long....so I can physicially see how close I am to being done with this phase of his life. I hope it is less painful than I am anticipating.
This morning, he actually unzipped his jacket, and took it off behind my back. When I turned around, I found him glaring at me...he threw his jacket on the ground, shouted "NO!" and then I witnessed him run to the couch and throw himself down. After I picked my jaw off of the ground, I took back control of the situation. (isn't he just the cutest little thing???? HAHAHA, NOT!)

Hopefully, I can take something from the events of the past day...For the moment, all I can do is laugh!

Oh Happy Day

Let me first start out by saying little-man is a day and a half away from being TWO! ARGH! I'm totally afraid of the terrible-(terrific)-two's.... I will keep attempting to hide my fear, because kids are like dogs...if they sense fear, they take advantage of it!
~~~
About shopping...I decided I needed some retail therapy. I packed up little-man, and headed to the local mall to try and take advantage of some presidents day sales. All was fine and dandy. Little-man insisted on walking, which I thought was a cool sign of him growing up....I carried him across the parking lot to prevent his shoes from getting nasty from the slushy puddles, and then made him hold my hand while walking through the mall. I actually started experiencing a proud mom moment (only because my little-man wasn't so little..he was walking through the mall like a big boy). We went to the first department store to see if there were any little-guy clothes on sale. Everything was still going smooth with him walking...that is, until the second we got to the kids section. I have no clue what possessed him, but the instant we were in the kids department, he took off running! I never realized how fast he has gotten. He was giggling and in a full on dodge through the clothing racks like a rat in a maze sprint. It didn't help matters that I was so shocked by his sprinting behavior that I was laughing while trying to catch up to him. It was so cute to see him trying to be silly and running from me, and I can't blame a two year old for playing games...but at that moment, I decided it was ok for him to be in a stroller (especially for the sake of mama's sanity!). We bought some clothes while I held him in my arms to prevent another rat-race, and then darted straight for the mall strollers. I was actually willing to shell out the three dollars to rent the stupid stroller, but lucky for me, I ran into a lady who was about to return hers. I offered her a dollar to use her stroller, and she gave it to me free of charge. The rest of my therapeutic shopping was spent pushing around little-man, while he sat contently "driving" his car-mall-stroller. It was a great day :).
~~~
I've spent the last two nights alone, watching chick flick movies. I decided to watch them alone for a couple of reasons. First, I don't feel like cleaning my house to be "company ready." Call me lazy if you must, but I just don't have the energy! I also don't think I would be able to find someone willing to watch these extremely girly movies with me. I think there is something said for a person who is a single mom..and has been single for over two years...As much as I would love to date someone, I am so comfortable in my independence. When I don't have someone over, I can watch the movie I want to watch..without feeling like I have to talk someone into my decision, or being disappointed if I give in and let the other person watch what they are in the mood for...sounds a bit selfish?...TOTALLY! All I know right now is for the moment, I am content being single. At this point in my life, I can't really picture someone fitting into my life, and I really don't know if I have the capability to mold my current life to fit someone else's. I'm a walking contradiction because I know that sometime in the next week I'll post about how much I want to have a bf...blah blah blah!
~~~
...Which leads me to the last item I will discuss for tonight. I am probably going to be meeting a guy I met through an online dating site. As much as I feel like I'm not in a position to be dating right now, I don't want to completely close my doors to the possibility. My mom gut is telling me that this guy MIGHT be a waste of my time...but it's also telling me that this guy might turn out to be someone special in my life. I guess taking a risk and meeting will be the only way to settle that debate. I'll keep you updated as to how everything goes...

..Previews of The Future..

Must write about:
Saturday Shopping Excursion
Special Deliveries
Life
Family Frustrations
Blue Tooth
Internet Dating
Recently viewed movies
My need for sleep (which is preventing me from remembering what else I wanted to write about...GRRRR)

Only Me

I hate when you have a day where everything seems to be lined up perfectly...and then it turns to shit right before your eyes.
I just got a call from little-man's daycare...apparently, he decided today would be the perfect day to ralph everywhere. Now I have to break the news to my boss that, not only do I have to leave early, but I will also not be able to attend the Admin Dinner I was looking forward to (which also means I put my company out $25). Fucking.Fan.Tastic! :( I'm fighting back the tears as we speak...Hence, N-SAD lives on!

Life; Up To Date

I successfully made it through two crazy-busy days. Hopefully N-SAD will be nice and mellow. It's always a good day when you get to go to a free dinner right?? YAY ME!

Random Gabbing

I consider myself to be the literary equivalent to the blooper-can't-sing contestants on American Idol....But if writing is how I'm gettin my jollies these days, than so be it!

Recently, I have noticed a slight decline in the appreciation of my job. I can pinpoint this decline from the fact that I am coming to terms with being the lowest member on the totum pole (in more ways than one). At times like these, I remind myself how much I hated being in my last position, and then I start to LOVE where I'm currently at.

Sorry for the random tangents...

N-SAD

Tomorrow is one of my least favorite days of the year. I was told yesterday that the 14th of February is known as National Singles Awareness Day...and I totally agree. Even when you are in a relationship, at least from my past experiences, the day seems to always bring the stress of high expectations and let downs.
On that note, I was reading in the paper ways for people to propose in some unique ways (well, they WERE unique until the paper decided to publish them for thousands to read about). These suggestions made me both happy and sad. I was happy because I could just imagine how loved and cared for I would feel that someone would take the time to organize an elaborate way to profess his love for me. I was sad because I don't have any prospects in the love department. I know it will happen when it happens, and there are so many people in the world, that the chances of me actually finding the right guy SHOULD be in my favor. I am at a crossroads.
Why haven't I been able to find a guy that can accept me for my quirkiness tendencies, and also find someone who will truely appreciate how awesome little-man is? I know I can be crazy, but I have a great heart. I am understanding. I am compassionate. I can communicate with a moderate amount of efficiency. What the bunk?
So three cheers to National Singles Awareness Day (N-SAD).

5:00 - Race to pick up little-man
5:30 - Race to Tires Plus due to deflated car tire I've been driving on for three days
6:00 - Go to dinner with pseudo husband and little-man
7:00 - Go to Hellmart to pick up little-man birthday invites for the party that grandma is MAKING me throw...grrr
7:30 - While walking around Hellmart, I decide to call TiresPlus to see when my car will be finished, and am told it would be at least a half hour (they close at 8...grrr)
8:02 - Race to TiresPlus, only to find out they JUST started looking at my tire...send little-man home with pseudo hubby (in hopes he would put little-man to bed, since it was very past his bedtime).
8:30 - Finally get my car back, after having to shell out 25 bucks for a nail that I never even saw (and it probably didn't exist because TiresPlus is the greedy spawn of satin!)
8:50 - Arrive home to find little-man sitting in the living room playing...double grrr
9:30 - Am extremely tired so I decide I am going to go to sleep
9:35 - Instead, decide to re-pot a plant I got from work today
9:55 - Decide it would be a great idea to clean and rearrange my living room to make way for two couches I am receiving from M due to her move to Sweden....why I waited until almost 10 to start this clean is beyond me!
11:05 - Still tired as hell, wondering why I am awake typing at the computer on this blog for the third time today

My name is Stacy and I'm a blogoholic...The first step to recovery is admitting you have a problem...right?

Me

I wish I were articulate
I strive to be loved
I need to get laid (ooh, lo ciento about the tmi!)
I hate playing games
I am beginning to highly dislike dating
I <3 my job
I love being included
I hate being excluded
I get burnt out being a mom
I love little-man
I do not <3 Huckabee..but I think it would make an excellent movie title (if it isn't already...)
I like blue pens
I hate stupid drivers
I love spring and fall
I hate winter
I love my home
I hate my apartment
I love twins baseball (I think it has the heart of old-time baseball...talent on a low budget)
I love to procrastinate (hence the third bloggity blog of the day)
I need to be right, but will accept when I'm wrong
I strive to be loved (two times..figure THAT one out why don't ya!)

Letters from the heart

Dear Little-man,

There is something I would like to request of you, and I feel a letter is most appropriate (since you're a baby genius and can read and all). I don't want to offend you, so I'll say this in the nicest way possible...
When Mommy spends time to cook dinner for us, please show Mommy some appreciation by actually eating. If Mommy only gives you cookies and Nutrigrain bars, your tummy will hurt. Veggie burgers are not McDonalds, but they're very tastey. If Mommy can thinks they're good, the least you can do is humor me with a few bites, instead of throwing the food Mommy makes on the floor. Mommy is not made of money (a classic line my parents would tell me that I swore up and down I would never use...hehehe). When you can make money, drive to the grocery store, come home to cook and then clean up afterwards, you can make whatever you want for dinner. For now, please help Mommy out and eat what she cooks for you. Mommy would really really really appreciate it!

Hugs'n Kisses,
Mommy

HELP!

My.Feet.Stink. I don't know what is wrong with me! I bathe regularly, I wear socks (most of the time), and I've even purchased Odor Eaters to sprinkle in my shoes. Seriously! It's grossing me out!!!!!

First Kiss

I am being slightly unoriginal, but I thought people might enjoy this...so here goes. The story of my first kiss is about the furthest thing away from a fairy tale.
Let's rewind back to high school. I wasn't an unpopular kid, but most of my friends were a couple of years older than me. I was an athlete, and hung around the current team that I participated in. One summer night, my friend C invited me to a party. It was at a guys house (which I soon found out was a trailer) in L.C. I was only fifteen, had never smoked, or even tried smoking, and the only alcoholic drink I had held was the one I would get out of the fridge to deliver to my parents occasionally on the weekend. The second we walked into the house you were bamboozled with the smell of booze and cigarettes. I was a little nervous because I didn't want this experience to jeopardize my athletic eligibility, but I wanted to fit in just as much..so I went along with the flow.
I didn't know a single person (other than the girls I arrived with). I didn't drink a single drop of alcohol. I didn't smoke a single puff of a cigarette. I mostly just sat and observed. It was such an interesting and foreign dynamic...underage drinking. Breaking rules. All was something I rarely even thought about.
He got up, and went outside for what he claimed was "fresh air." My naive self followed, thinking it would be a great opportunity to talk with someone new..and a boy at that (how exciting for a fifteen year old who had never had a boyfriend). His voice was very distinct. Slurring his words non stop. I mistook his lack of verbal skills as just being a combination of being tired, and happy at the same time. I was so naive.
After what felt like hours of talking, he all of the sudden said he was going to be sick. I told him it was alright, and rubbed his back while he ralphed off of the side of the steps. It was pretty disgusting, but I am a caretaker, and I just couldn't leave someone in distress.
The next few moments happened too fast for me to have any control or say. He wiped his face off from puking, looked at me, and then decided would be a great time to shove his tongue down my throat. I was frozen like a dear in headlights. Being too nice to slap him for even trying, I went along with it. After all, he was nice enough to sit and talk with me, the least I could do was return the kiss (yeah, I had totally forgiven him for blowing chunks in front of me...and not even having water or a breath mint before diving straight at me with his tongue...what a gentleman huh?)
I was the most naive and shy fifteen year old that I've ever known. I can only hope to learn from this experience...never follow a drunk guy outside, it will only lead to years of regret.

Gentle Reminder...

Dear Little-Man,
I just wanted to remind you that you are a boy...a boy that does not need (nor hopefully will ever need) to wear make-up. I feel the need to remind you of this because I recall you taking Mommy's cover-up and throwing it into some crevasse where Mommy can't find it. May I pleasantly remind you, Mommy needs her make-up...she is extremely scary without it. If, some day, you feel an urgent need to wear make-up on a regular basis, I will still love you, but for right now, please keep your adorable grubby little-man hands off.
I love you to pieces, and I hope you're learning a lot at school today! If you feel the need to discuss this any further, please feel free to pull me aside. I am always there to listen, especially to you.

Hugs'n Kisses,
Mommy

Random Revelations

After I posted about my weekend, I decided I needed to write something a little more coherent..with less rambling. Here is a small list of random revelations, food for thought, and questions that have popped into my head since being a quarter. Some are old, some are new, you decide which is which.

1) I love my friends

2) Oranges aren't as bad as I thought they were...in fact, they're actually pretty tastey.

3) Laundry will be conquered! I will keep on keepin on...

4) Waiting for others to finish their laundry really puts a rain on your parade...especially when your motivation to actually DO laundry happens few and far between.

5) I wonder how I'll survive when the day comes for me to move into a/my own house...and I'll only have one laundry machine instead of two?

6) I love my family

7) Preparing healthy lunches for the following week isn't as time consuming as I thought it would be

8) Fake chicken is a lot better than I thought it would be

9) Sleep is lovely

10) There's not a whole lot that beats crawling into a bed with fresh-out-of-the-dryer clean sheets after getting out of the shower...except for maybe crawling into said bed with someone special...in my dreams I suppose!

11) I know I will find my companion, and the person that will complete me. I know he is out there...maybe even closer than I would think...I still believe!

Weekend Update

My weekend started last Thursday (hence the long stretch between the bloggin...please forgive!). I took Friday off of work, because I was going to the Dallas Wild game with a good friend of mine. Thursday afternoon was extremely rushed (with picking up little-man, racing home to change and get little-man and Grandpa situated for the night...etc, I think you get the idea). We decided we were going to catch a shuttle to the game, which worked out pretty great. We were able to enjoy some happy hour taps before heading to the Xcell..Our seats at the game were fricking awesome! We were seven rows off of the glass pretty close to center ice. We were also on the penalty box side, so we had a great view of the benches. There was a fight between Voros and some Dallas guy that broke out right in front of us too. There's something about two guys throwing their gloves off to pummel each other that gets my heart pumping...I love hockey! We froze our rears off waiting for the shuttle to pick us up after the game, (we lost 1-0), but it was a great night of hard skating hockey...The perfect start to my birthday.
Friday was the big day. I am now an official 25 year old single mom, with a few gray hairs to prove it. When I was in high school, I told myself I would be engaged at 24, and married at 26. My life hasn't exactly followed my expectations and I wouldn't trade little-man for anything. I dropped little-man at daycare, and headed off to the mall to treat myself to some shopping, lunch and a movie. On the way to the mall, my dad called so i invited him to spend some time with me. We went to lunch, walked around the mall a little bit, and went to a movie. It was a great day. I really need to make a better effort to spend time like that with my dad. We couldn't decide on a movie to go and see (which is part of the reason why I had initially planned on going alone...it's so much less stressful to decide since you're only contemplating with yourself!). He really wanted me to see Juno..and as apprehensive as I was, I agreed to the decision, and Juno it was. I did enjoy it. I won't give anything away, but would definitely recommend to rent it when it comes out on DVD (it's not a movie you NEED to see in the theaters). Friday afternoon we raced to get little-man, and then get ready and make it to dinner by 5:15. I find it crazy how fast the time flies when you want it to slow down!! Dinner with the family was great. I really do love getting together and visiting. It is also something that doesn't happen as often as I would like it to.
Grandma took little-man after dinner, and I headed out with my friends for a seven corners pub crawl. A lot of people made it out, and I was so happy to be out on a Saturday night with a great group of peeps. To those of you who couldn't make it due to illness, I hope you're feeling better, and ya missed a great night! When we walked into the bar there were balloons and flowers everywhere (I know what you're thinking, cuz I was thinking the same thing!) It turns out, a bartender/owners gf shared the same birthday as me, and they were throwing her a huge 30 birthday bash. It was the busiest I've seen the Corner Bar in a looooong time! I'm glad there were people though, and it was fun to pretend all of the hoopla was for me ;)
Our next stop was Bullwinkle's. There was some crazy contest amongst testosterone filled men, that proved to be quite entertaining, going on. They were doing pull-ups, having coney-dog eating contests, slamming brews. It produced some great laughs.
We skipped town hall (cuz it's too swanky for me) but decided to go to the holiday inn hotel bar. It was a pleasant surprise! We all had a place to sit, were all able to chat without having to shout over loud bar noise...and the bartender, B, was happy to see some peeps hanging out in her usually empty bar.
After the Inn, we headed to Grandma's. Let me tell you, if you ever have any future plans to go to Grandma's at seven corners, change your plans to somewhere else. It has really gone down hill. There were hardly ANY PEOPLE, the dance floor was empty the entire night (except when M, B, C and I showed off our crazy dance moves!
We rounded the night off back at the CB (Preston's is currently closed for renovations, and is also under new management...which was a bummer cuz a 7 corners pub crawl is NOT the same without at least 1 fishbowl involved!)
All-in-all, I drank a lot, laughed a lot, and had a helluva great time! If I could do it all over again, I don't think I would change a thing!
Saturday was recovery day, and I spent a large chunk of it at my mom's sleeping on the couch. Gotta love Grandma!
Saturday night was a little girls party, which entailed some GREAT food and lots of laughs....which brings me to Sunday. I've put a dent in my laundry, gone grocery shopping, prepared my lunches for the next week..and now I'm about to crash. I know this has been a long, wordy and extremely hard to follow post..but I guess that's the theme of my life right now!..and I gotta love it, cuz it's the only life I have! :) Hope everyone had a great weekend! To all of my peeps...thanks again for making my quarter century b-day a lot less scary and a helluva lot more fun! I love y'all!!!

YOU WILL NOT WIN!

Why is it, when you have every intention of having a fantastic day, the traffic gods throw a million extra cars on the road, in a sad attempt to start your "great day" off rotten???? I will not let the traffic gods prevail! I will still have a fantastic day, even though I was only 3 minutes early instead of my usual 20...

My Productivity so far today:

* Found 2 new blogs that I will probably start reading on a regular basis.
* Read/wrote in my blog for about 2 hours (I should really cut my blog time down..but it's a happy addiction that I just can't seem to break!)
* Produced 15 Emergency cards, with lamination

So far, my day hasn't been as productive as one would have hoped...but there's still a few more hours for me to make it up to myself! :)

Happy HumpDay!

The weather in the great state of MN hasn't been too horrible lately. I'm a big fan of grey days..the sun hurts my eyes! Plus, we've had mild enough temperatures where the roads have stayed wet, but not icey!!
The past couple of days have been a pleasant reminder that spring is almost here! YIPPEE! My two favorite seasons are Spring and Fall..I can't wait for the tulips to start coming up, and the grass to turn green, and the cool mornings followed by the comfortable days..aahh, who wouldn't love that?!
Spring also brings BASEBALL with it! GO TWINS! I am having metrodome withdrawls. It sounds wierd that I would long for a trip to the large inflatable toilet..but there's something about the crack of the bats, a beer and a dome dog that has a tight grip on my heart. This baseball season brings the twinkies one step closer to a new and fantastic ball park...I am so excited to feel the ambiance outdoor baseball will bring to MN. What a lovely thing!
Hope everyone is having a Happy HumpDay!

Life; Up-To-Date

1)For some reason, I just HAD to watch the 20/20 special about the last hours of Natalee Holloway last night. If you don't remember, she was the girl who disappeared in Aruba while on a class trip. The story contained many disturbing details. First, she did what I used to do in the past (which is go out with some friends, find myself completely drunk, and hitting on random guys at the bar). I didn't go wild and crazy all of the time, but it only took one wrong guy for her, and she ended up at the bottom of the sea...Second, the guy she was last with HIGHLY resembles little-man's dad. This gave me the shivers down my spine, especially to know there are two (most likely more) brown haired brown eyed guys that are equally as immoral and extremely skeevey. The complete details of her last minutes alive will never be known, but at least the authorities have a more accurate idea of the moments leading up to her disappearance. My mom-gut tells me there's more to the story than "All of a sudden she started shaking, and then she was dead" I think he was more of a contributing factor to her demise, plus, the thought of him and his accomplice dumping that poor girl into ocean when she was just passed puts a knot into my stomach.
2)The financial dude, who I will refer to as Hottie, stopped by today. I am financially stupid. I am not the best at managing money, but at least I know I have a lot to learn. I have a huge crush on Hottie. His name doesn't even do him justice. He's gorgeous, well kept, put together, and has an awesome demeanor (so maybe he has a wife and a little one...). I feel like I'm sexually harrassing him via my blog, thank god nobody from work knows/reads this!!
3)Little Man has really been cracking me up lately. Car rides have turned into mini adventures (most of the time...sometimes, he creeps back into his screaming tantrum mode in the car..but those have become fewer and far between, THANK GOD!). When we are on the way to his "school" in the morning, he searches out for school busses, and gets extremely excited when he spots one. It's good stuff. He has also started to show me he knows how to pretend. In the mornings, he looks at me and says "Cry", and with a huge smile on his face he pretends to cry, then breaks out in his little-man giggle...it's also good stuff! As much as I feel torn between being a single-almost 25 yr old, and being a mom, I really do love that little guy.
4)That darn groundhog saw his shadow last weekend. I was a little bummed when I heard this..but then I remembered that MN ALWAYS has at LEAST six more weeks of winter...regardless of that silly little rodent.
5)I still love my job. I have fallen into a comfort level that makes me a little nervous. I procrastinate a little more, work a little less, but still manage to complete everything that has been thrown my way, and still keep everyone smiling. It makes me happy to know I am in such a great office. I have also witnessed the first petty office drama. I won't get too into it (in case someone from work does happen to stumble across this...) but it was over as soon as it began. In a way, it made me feel like I was part of a semi-dysfunctional family.
6)As excited as I am to go out this friday, I am a bit nervous about the night. I know there are going to be people there from different parts of my life. When nights like this happen, I get nervous that not everyone will get along, or that I will hurt someone's feelings if I don't hang out with them enough..yes, I'm such a girl! I'm also contemplating on banning camera's. I feel like crap about my physical state (so why would I spend a night drinking? good question!). It is so much easier to eat, and bitch about my chub than it is to put my big arse onto a treadmill...why is that?!
*7) I ordered flowers for my Mom today. It is the first time I've ever sent flowers to someone. The flowers are for my birthday on the 8th, and after having little-man, I think it's extremely important to show thanks for the people that gave you life on your birthday. I know it sounds cheesey...but I guess that's me today! I hope she is pleasantly surprised :) She started her job a few months ago, and I know it's been a frustrating experience for her. I hope it brings a smile to her face!

W.O.W

What a fantastic evening! In the words of a dear friend, it was a kick you in the crotch kind of good time. In case you weren't there, or have no idea what last night was, JJ threw a surprise going away party for Captain and S.
I'm pretty sure I was completely inebriated as well. When I go out, I like to get to know my bartender (a weird habit from working in the industry for such a long time). Last night, his name was john. john soon turned into Don Juan after about four cocktails.
Captain was completely surprised. Some guests arrived at the same time she did, and she just chalked it up to an extremely random coincidence. When she walked into the room she immediately burst into tears. They were happy tears and it was awesome! S arrived about fifteen minutes after captain, so we got to yell surprise for a second time...he was equally as shocked, but I don't think tears were involved during his entry.
To be honest, I don't even remember what time I got home last night. The karaoke machine was setup, and people were having such a great time that I completely lost track of time. I also got to meet some new faces, and we initiated the newest member of our S-ball team by making her sing Margaritaville with the team. I took it upon myself to shout out phrases to try and clue in the group as to what the next line was going to be. One of the lines to that song is Blew out my flip-flop, and my vodka filter shouted at the top of my lungs "WHAT DID YA BLOW?" It was pretty embarrassing, but extremely funny at the same time. I love the sball team and can't wait for the season to start!
I am going to try and get a little more sleep before little-man wakes up. Hope everyone had a fantastic friday evening!

Blah

Do you ever have one of those days where you wake up on the wrong side of the bed? Today is that day for me. I could actually feel my mood coming on as I was leaving work yesterday...it's never good when you feel a bad day coming the day before it hits. Maybe it's just self fulfilling prophecy on my behalf..maybe I have PMDD...I know it's just about that time when my hormones flare out of control, and whenever this happens all I want to do is crawl into a small dark space alone, and continue to be alone until this horrible mood of mine passes. The mood is not helped by a wreckless toddler, or poor grammar (yeah, that's a weird one..it's a long story), or petti things people feel the need to continuously obsess about...yeah, the list goes on. In a nutshell I think I just need to find a nutshell, crawl into it, and be done with today.