Talk, talk, talk...If you don't personally know me, I'm sure you can gather from the frequency of my posts that I like to talk. Some days, I talk just to hear myself, but for the most part, I talk because it is something I enjoy doing...a lot. I think I can consider talking an addiction which I don't think I will quit anytime soon. Whenever I am in the car, I especially feel the need to talk to someone. Since little-man HATES car rides, he is usually either yelling at me, or pouting in the backseat...so what does a girl who's addicted to talking do? I pick up my cell phone and start dialing just about anyone and everyone I THINK will talk to me. About ninety percent of the time, I get peoples' voice mail (to which I am going to tell myself it's because they are busy...but I highly doubt that is the case!! lol).
Tonight, when I was driving home from M's house, I lunged for my cell phone to fulfill my addiction. This time, I stopped myself from dialing. I think I am getting to a point where I want to stop talking, and just spend time with someone. I want to encompass the silly old country song that says "you say it best when you say nothing at all." It's a weird and lonely feeling that I am not used to feeling. I love my friends and the people in my life, but I am yearning for just a little bit more. (HA! It took less than a week for me to contradict myself!!! TOLD YA SO!). No longer am I yearning for someone to listen to me, or for someone to talk to me. I am yearning for companionship. For something more powerful than just a friendship. I know some of my friends have found this, and I am completely happy for them...but when is it going to be my turn? I am sick of waiting. I am sick of trying. I am sick of throwing myself "out there" and coming home with nothing to show for myself...not being one step closer to finding that person to share wordless evenings with, but feeling one step further from my hopes of a companion.
Rejection is really hard to digest. I know I am mostly to blame for some of the rejection I have experienced...but that doesn't make it any easier. I wish there was an anti-rejection tablet you could take after a bad date, or a night when you "hope the guy is going to call to hang out again but doesn't"...I would sarcastically say alcohol is an anti-rejection drug, but I don't think it's that easy.
Does anybody have any ideas for me as to how I can make things better? How do you handle rejection? How do you get through lonely nights when all you want to do is spend a wordless evening with someone special but don't have anyone to turn to?
**Bonus points if you know where my title is from! :)
1 day ago