My g-ma was a raging alcoholic since the tender age of 33...supposedly (according to M) that is when her mother passed away, and she decided to numb her loss with E&J. I will never forget her, sitting in her chair, with a low-ball glass full of E&J and a lit cigarrette...
M drinks on a fairly regular basis. In fact, she reminds me of what my life would be like without little-man around (drinking/going to the bar at least four times a week). She mainly sticks to beer, but also hankers for a margarita, and has even been known to do shots of tequilla or rootbeer barrels. Some people would say "it sounds like you've got a cool M" which I won't disagree with...but there's a time and a place to have an alcoholic beverage, and I highly doubt semi-hardcore to hardcore drinking four nights a week is interpreted as cool when you're almost 50.
I worry that she has followed in my grandmothers footsteps. I don't think she has been in a "non-stop drunk state" since g-ma passed away, but her habbits are not age appropriate, and definitely leaning heavily towards the path of alcoholism. I don't dare speak with her about this because she is more stubbon and hard-headed than I am.
I know a sign of alcoholism is also denial. I know my g-ma denied her drinking until the day it took her life. I know M and others in my family had multiple interventions to try and break up the intense relationship between g-ma and E&J. I don't want to be put into the same position as M was, and be forced to have interventions with her for the sake of her liver, but I have a sad feeling that day will come...
I've been extremely crabby today. The thought of alcoholism entered my mind, because all I want to do is leave work, and go to the bar. The only friend I am looking for goes by the name of Honeyweiss...I wonder if I will walk down the path of alcoholism. It scares me because the last thing I want to do is put little-man in the position where he feels he has lost his mommy to a liquid demon. I don't drink often, and I don't need to get drunk when I go out with friends. I just enjoy releasing stress and kicking back with a brew. Is that being an alcoholic? I am totally confused. I also have the responsiblity of little-man that is keeping me at home 90% of the time. Isn't it ironic that I love little-man to the point where I don't mind being at home most of the time, but when I really feel the NEED to go out, it is because I feel like I need to escape his suffocating toddler behavior?
4 weeks ago
Posts
Wanting to have a drink to relax and destress from the day is not being an alcoholic. doing it every day, in excess, is a different story.
ReplyDeletei think it's great that you love little man so much that you want to be home with him. and it's only natural, that you would also need some mommy-time and a break from him, especially being a single parent. alcoholism is hereditary, but i think being aware of the problems in your family and aknowledging them are huge factors in preventing following the same path.
i second the things ang said. i wanted to add that it's not just drinking every day that makes you an alcoholic. it's the need/urge to drink in order to function (have fun, relax, go to sleep, you name it). sometimes we all just want to kick back with a drink; it's when that's all you want to do, that it's a problem. but it's good to be aware; my mom has told me, "no one plans on being an alcoholic."
ReplyDelete