BICH (this post doesn't deserve the T)

All I want to do is cry, write about crying, then cry some more. I feel like an ass-clown for feeling this way, especially because I know things could be worse, but feelings are feelings.

This morning, I was greeted with the fourth day of diarrhea diapers from little man. He apparently has the "poop water but is not feverish" bug that just won't seem to go away. It is also making his diaper changes quite unpleasant for both parties.

When I arrived at work this morning I went straight across the office to a company sponsored health fair where I received a health assessment. The only reason I signed up was to receive the company incentive of $100.00 (a single mom would NEVER pass up a virtually free hundo). The assessment entailed recording my weight, height and drawing some blood to test for cholesterol and miscellaneous things. When I stepped on the scale my stomach churned. I should NOT have looked at the number. I haven't worked out in a little over a month. I don't know who stole my motivation, but it is gone and I am left puzzled, and weighing just about as much as I did when I was NINE MONTHS PREGNANT! I've tried "getting healthy." I've tried formulating a health plan..but all seem damn impossible for this chunky mama to adhere to. I am honestly at a loss right now. I feel like I received a certificate of defeat. I don't know how, if ever, I will be in shape again, and happy with my physical appearance. I just don't know.

Coming back to work from taking a day off is always a little stressful. This morning, via email, I was greeted with a message from my super nice boss that also had me a little down. I don't know if I had "pms-brain" on Tuesday, but APPARENTLY I had forgotten to switch our main telephone lines over to our night voicemail system. This frustrates and worries me for a couple of reasons. First, I JUST KNOW I put the phones on our night line before I left. I am such a darn perfectionist, and our switchboard is so freaking old, and I really do believe in my heart that they were switched over, and that there is a short circuit. There have also been a few mornings where I have been greeted by telephones that were not switched over. Although my gut initially has been twisted at the sight of the phones not being switched over, I really do know that I had put them on our night service. I attempted to talk with my boss about it this morning, but she was pretty wrapped up in our health fair, so I will have to readdress this with her at a later date and time. I kind of have the impression that she doesn't believe me...and I just don't know how I can convince her that I am competent enough to do my simple job, and it's the phones that are short circuiting, not me.

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On a more positive note, little man has officially proved to me that he knows how to count. We were about to leave the house to go to the park, and I heard him say "One, Two" so I followed up with an elated "THREE" and then he showed me up with a "FOUR FIVE SIX"!!! It completely caught me off guard, seeing as he usually had been repeating "one, two, one."