Since delving myself into the blogging world, I feel I have grown in more ways that I could imagine. I have read some amazing posts written by writers I wish I was half as talented as. I have received so much advice and support through others' words...I have thrown comments out there, and received feedback from people that have surprised me (mostly because I don't think my writing is worth the feedback, but that's just my lack-o-self esteem talking [which is a whole different topic...]).
Last night, I started thinking about what kind of blogger I would be labeled as (just for kicks..). I think I fall into the blogger cattegory of: Mommy Blogger who is in denial that she's a Mommy Blogger.
I think I am in denial for a few reasons. First of all, I feel like the stereotype of a mommy blogger is a responsible adult. Call me crazy...Although I might SEEM like a "responsible adult" I still don't know if I've fully transitioned into the grown up world. I know other mom's who seem so much more put together than I am. Not to mention, most of the mom's I know are married and live in a house with or without a picket fence. Even though I feel like I have a lot to learn in the "adult world", being a mommy actually does feel extremely natural to me. I feel like the title of "mommy" has always been part of my identity, which is why I think I struggle with people not being able to see me for me. I have always LOVED children, I have been a babysitter since I was 10 (no lie, and it was a three month old..which, now having a child of my own I don't think I would have EVER left little man with a 10yo when he was 3months!!). The most rewarding paying job I've ever had was working in as an aide in the infant room of a daycare...the pay was minimum wage, but I would've worked there for free because I loved it so much. I have never truly looked as little man's role in my life (or the role of any child in my life) as a "job" nor do I think I ever will.
I am also a huge stickler for trying to maintain a bit of independence from the label of "mom". To me, the "mom" title is attached to someone who is overbearing (which I probably am), doesn't go with the flow (which I do), stays home on the weekends (which I sometimes do) and..I'm gonna say it...to me, a mom means old. I am going out on a limb here, but when I think of a "mom" I think of my mom...not me. I think of a woman (who, although she has issues) I completely respect...but she's "old" as in "an all grown up adult." I also think I have issues labeling myself as a "mom" because I am still single, and most boys have an issue even contemplating dating a mama (me) let alone take a minute to get to know a mama (me). Besides, when you introduce yourself, do you say "Hi, I'm a mom" or do you say "Hi, I'm Miz." You use your name, not your roll in life.
I think it is time for me to own the mommy blogger label. Looking back at my posts, the majority are about little man. They were written because I, the mama, needed to release my joys, frustrations, fears, and sometimes anger. I am not good at bottling things up, so to save my relationships with some of the people in my life, I have made an honest crack at writing these thoughts and opinions out...and I love it. Almost ALL of my writing is free writing, and after almost every post I have to go back in and make spelling/editing corrections.
1 day ago