For a long time, I was never comfortable in social situations. I had a looming feeling that I needed to impress people, and would never fail to say something obsurd or annoying. It was never intentional, it's just something that always seemed to happen.
Some things haven't changed, however, one important thing has. This past week, I met up with some great people I hadn't seen in years. We were brought together again because of the passing of a high school classmate. Although I hadn't spoken with this classmate since high school, I felt an extremely strong urge to honor him, his life, his family and his friends by attending his services. I had known him since elementary school, and it was the least I could do.
His untimely passing gave all of us a shining opportunity to catch up with each other. I wish it were under better circumstances, but I am so thankful I was able to spend time with these people.
When I arrived home after spending a night with these people, I was struck with an amazing realization. For the first time, I felt like myself around this particular group of people. The feelings of expectation had faded from my inner conscious. It was a simple night. It was a great night. I hope there are many more of these nights to come.
Particularly, around this "time of the month" I tend to get a bit down about the way my life is going. I have dozens of people I know, but this "time of the month" never fails to whisper in my ear that I don't have many people who are besties. I feel saddened by this and only blame myself...but somethings are not to blame, and although I'm the first to point the finger at "me", I know I am just being a bit melodramatic.
All of the thoughts running through my head are stark reminders that relationships are valuable and precious. Friends, family, acquaintances and peers. All are delicate. All deserve the utmost respect. All are what make us rounded individuals.
I am one who tends to shrug these types of feelings off with a "meh." I have the feeling(s), I let them out, I go to bed, and I wake up with a smile on my face in the morning. Maybe that's weird to some...but to me, it's what I do best. If you stuck with this post for this long...Thank you (or should I be saying I'm sorry. hehehe).
3 days ago