I am

I am one of those people who knows there are answers, but doesn't like to find them.
I am one of those people you would label as lazy
I am one of those people who hates to fail, so sometimes, I just don't try
I am one of those people who are extremely stubborn
I am one of those people who are perceived as being bitchy, but I don't agree
I am one of those people who truly and genuinely cares about others
I am one of those people who can be a walking, talking, breathing contradiction
I am one of those people who laughs at extremely inappropriate times
I am one of those people who cry when they are happy
I am one of those people who has baggage
I am one of those people who gives almost everybody the benefit of the doubt
I am one of those people who just looooooves to talk
I am one of those people who likes to listen
I am one of those people who speaks their mind
I am one of those people who are shy when they should be outgoing
I am one of those people who are outgoing when they should be reserved
I am one of those people who needs people
I am one of those people who wants love
I am one of those people who likes to know everything
I am one of those people who are perceived as being nosy
I.am.one.of.those.people...

Are you there God? It's me, Stizzle

Dear God,

Thank you for making PMS involve (not only) horrific mood swings, but also the paining of my uterus. I really, truly appreciate your thoughtfulness and creativity that must have gone into making ones body feel like it is being pinched and twisted on the inside. It was such a lovely thing for you to do.
I would also like to thank you for making men so gosh darn understanding when it comes to women that are pms-ing. You really outdid yourself when you made them willing and able to belittle our pain, roll their eyes at us, and give them the extensive vocabulary to refer to us as a "bitch" when we are in so much pain.
Your modesty for not having men bleed for three to five days a month shows us how much you truly care.

Keep it real :)
Stizzle

Over the river...

And through the city to Wine Women and Baseball I go! My friends and I have been trying to attend the Wine Women and Baseball function hosted at the metrodome for almost two years. This year, we were finally triumphant in reserving tickets. From what I have heard, the sponsored night is so popular that it tends to sell out almost immediately, prompting the Twins Organization to increase the number of nights to four or five this year.
It is really an ingenious idea for women...for a small price, you receive a lower lever reserved ticket on the first base line, and entry to a tent before the game. The tent (I was told) will provide complimentary wine tasting, massages, manicures and pedicures...I.CANNOT.WAIT! :D
I think the only thing that would make the night perfect would be if the masseuse were Justin Morneau and Joe Mauer...yum-o!!

Mark

I want to tell you about my friend Mark. I PROBABLY have already told you about him, but because I am feeling supurbly lazy today, I am going to retell you about him. If you are interested in the slightest respects...please read on.
Mark has been in my life for a long time (about six years). We used to be a thing. My belligerent drinking, and his lack of being able to emotionally connect were our demise. He was my first serious boyfriend, and I was his first serious girlfriend. Our relationship started out long distance...and there were wierd dramatic fights from the get-go. It took us about two years of fights to finally call it quits. He told me I had gained weight and he wasn't attracted to me anymore....I thought it was the most horrible thing anyone had ever said to me. It hurt very deep. We went from seeing and talking/fighting with each other daily, to not speaking for almost a year. At first, after my tears had dried, we attempted to establish a friendship. The transition from being together, to only being friends took a couple of years.
Three years ago, I was living my life wrecklessly. Mark was still involved (although he had made it quite clear that he was ONLY a friend...not more or less). Even as a friend, he failed to tell me I was out of control. He met my current "bf" (if that's what you wanna call it..) and I really wish he would have said something to me, (I still don't know why he didn't try to step in a save me from making horrible choices, but then again, I wasn't his responsibility).
He was one of the first people I told about becoming pregnant. His initial response was to spell out A.B.O.R.T.I.O.N. I was utterly appalled (although, I will admit now that I had pondered the idea considering where I was/wasn't at in my life). He was my rock throughout most of my pregancy. He was even in the room when little-man was born (and he was so pale and almost fainted...I'll never forget the look on his face!!)
He freaked out when little-man was about three weeks old, afraid that I was trying to force him to be a father figure, since little man's father was, and most likely will always be absent. We did not talk for over six months. I survived as a single mom, leaning on other friends and family members.
I don't remember how we started talking again, but we did. We have only gone without talking for about a month in the last year and a half. Lately, I have began questioning Mark's role in my life. He really is good to me. He really is great to little man. But I know, deep in my heart, that he does not want to be with me for the rest of his life. This hurts, but at the same time I am comforted. I wish things were not as confusing or complicated. I wish I knew what the best decision for my small family would be. I am so torn, it almost has me sick to my stomach. I yearn for more than just someone to hang out with on lonely weeknights. I yearn for passion, romance, and solid communication. Am I being selfish?
My friends have called me out, telling me I need to be nicer to Mark. They have pointed out the great things he has done for me, and how horrible I treat him. I haven't really been able to explain that my reasons for treating him this way (justified or not) are to prevent myself from becoming too attached. In the past four years since our initial break-up, every time I have tried to make myself vulnerable to him I have wound up with rather deep wounds. My vulnerability has left me sad and alone, and I just don't know how or if I will ever allow myself to be vulnerable to him, or to anyone else for that matter.
I really need to take my own advice, but I still don't know if my own advice is enough to satisfy my craving for answers. I need to focus on what I do have control over. I need to focus on the good things in my life, and less on what is purely out of my control. I need to focus on me, and the well-being of my family. If I don't focus on my family, then who will?

Are You Serious?

I really wanted to go to an antique shop. As I was driving through the University of Minnesota campus, I spotted the perfect shop to stop at. It was on a busy corner, and there were only three parking options: 1)The metered street with no open meters. 2)A University of Minnesota Pay Ramp. 3) An open lot that said "violators will be towed."
Seeing as I was only stopping into the shop to browse, I decided to go with option 3, and take my chances getting towed.
The second I put my car in park, I was greeted by a man wearing a pale yellow polo shirt, with a UNIVERSITY OF MINNESOTA patch on his chest. He firmly told me that I was in trouble for parking in a restricted area, and demanded that I move to my passenger seat. I obliged, and the next thing I knew, he jumped into my car and started driving...with.me.in.it!
I was extremely taken aback by this. My stun left me without words for a few minutes...Then I started panicking. "Let me out of my car..what in the hell are you doing?!" My voice could not permeate his brain. This was a whacko jacko on some secret mission that he obviously wasn't interested in sharing with me. My doors wouldn't open, and I was stuck. I couldn't get out. He was driving like a bat outta hell. What.the.fizzle.
He drove out to the country. There was tall yellow grass and trees in the distance. He turned to me and said he wasn't going to let me go. My mind was still racing. I was numb with fear. What was honestly causing this stupid U of M police parking enforcement dude to flip out and kidnap me? I'll never know...because I woke up.
This dream happened about a week ago. I haven't the foggiest idea what provoked it. I refuse to let myself watch scary tv shows because I feel like they affect the way I dream (sometimes at least), and before I went to sleep that night I hadn't watched anything creepy...so what the hell was I thinking?
I really hate when dreams are haunting...especially when they seem so damn realistic.

Things that make ya go hmmmmm

Is warm leaf salad really delicious? It sounds extremely suspicious to me...

Moral Dilemma's

Every year, since before I was born, my mom and her friends would get together and play volleyball and softball during the summer months. When I was in middle school, and becoming very interested in playing both volleyball and softball, I asked her if I could play. Her response was always "when you turn 21, you can play." When I turned 21, I was then invited to play, and accepted with a smile. It was a fun thing to do with my mom as a way of reconnecting with her. I was bartending at the time, and had enough free time to devote one night a week to socialize with people that have known me since I was a baby.
Four years have gone by since my first season playing. I now have a full time, serious job, and a toddler. I also devote one night a week playing on a softball team with my friends (which I will never give up!)...so here's my dilemma. I don't want to play or commit to playing once a week with my mom and her friends. I feel so stressed out about this for a couple of reasons. First, my time spent with little man has become limited since returning to work. Second, Volleyball nights break me away from my routine, and then I get crabby. Third, I have to commute through NASTY traffic to get to where they play. Fourth, every year my mom gently reminds me that volleyball is starting, and always assumes I am playing...and I know if I told her I didn't want to play she'd get upset. And the fifth and final reason, I hate being around the alcohol, especially when it is my mom that is doing the consuming. She doesn't know how to regulate herself. Don't get me wrong, it's not like she gets slurry smashed or anything...but she changes a bit when she starts drinking and it makes me a bit uncomfortable. I asked her for a favor this morning, and she said she couldn't help because tonight was volleyball (to which I had to bite my tongue because volleyball starts at 6:15, and she should be home by eight, which would give her AMPLE time to help me, but since her relationship with Michelob Golden Draft is more important...she said "too bad."). I just don't know what to do..and I would really appreciate some words of wisdom.

++++++

Second dilemma of today...

My pseudo sister in law wants to get little man and Bop baptized while my brother is home on leave. This gives us about three weeks to join a Parrish, take a baptism class, and setup a date where the kids can be "blessed." I have been toiling with joining a church, and trying to rekindle whatever "faith" I have left in me..but I always seem to run into the same religious block that I have been trying to deal with since the day I found out I was preggo--Catholic Guilt.
My initial reactions when I found out I was preggo was not that of joy...It was a feeling of being a disappointment...not only to my parents, but also in the eyes of the catholic church. Don't get me wrong, I didn't regularly attend mass...so what's the big problem, right? Well...here's the big problem. Since I was little, I've had the catholic religion spoon fed down my throat, and I knew that premarital sex was wrong and a "sin" and that I wanted to be married before I had babies...but those weren't the cards I was dealt. It took me a while to try and address my guilt. I have only attempted to go to church once since little man was born...and I left the church crying in shame. I felt like I was being judged for not being married and having a baby. It was a horrible feeling (and still IS a horrible feeling...). So, I haven't been to church since.
Pseudo Sister asked me to call my old church to see if I could arrange a baptism. I gave them a call today, and ended up speaking with the current Priest, Father Fitz. He seemed like a pretty cool guy, until he asked me how long I had been married. I tried to tell him a very brief synopsis about why I wasn't married...to which he responded "talk about a wake up call.Ok dude...is bizzo slapping a priest bad? Cuz that's ALL I WANTED TO DO (that, and run to the nearest closet, lock myself in and start crying because I am so sick to death of people making me feel bad for having a baby out of marriage...and by people, I only mean the catholic church).
I understand that blatantly saying "go and have babies out of wedlock" is never going to happen in the catholic church..but whatever happened to treating your neighbor as you would treat yourself?? Why does it feel like I am going to wear a scarlet letter for the rest of my life?! After talking with Father Fitz today, I am ready to just say "eff it" and not baptize little man...but at the same time, am I being unfair to him in doing so?

With all of these moral dilemma's running through my head, I feel like mentally checking out for a while! What to do...what.to.do?

SURPRISE!

Today I had an overwhelming, excited, ecstatic, EXTREMELY emotional, relaxing, comforting, productive day. The sun was out, the temperature was warm, and the mood of the day was brilliant.
The day started out like many other Saturdays (very tired from a long night of having too much to drink while sharing many laughs with some great people). I shuffled to my car and turned my radio off...driving home in silence while contemplating what I was going to do with my day.
Little man was very excited to see me, and shortly after I arrived home, we were heading out the door on a mission to spend money. We were with my niece, Bop, and my pseudo sister in law. The isles of T were extremely welcoming today, and we ended up buying the kids some new radio flyer tricycles, and a lot of other miscellaneous stuff. We headed to my mom's house, where naps were well overdue. Once little man was down for the count, I decided it was time to wash my car. I proceeded to wash a total of three cars...let's face it..washing a car isn't rocket science, and it was a great excuse to be outside enjoying the weather!!
The afternoon flew by, and before I knew it, we were all sitting down to a tasty dinner of hot dogs and burgers. We were JUST wrapping up dinner when I noticed my mom's car pull into the front yard like a bat outta hell. I immediately jumped to an "oh shit, what's wrong?!" conclusion, assuming that we had done something to piss my mom off (unintentionally)....I turned to the front door to gage the mood my mom was in...but it wasn't my mom walking to the door...it was Navy.
He had been saying he was coming home sometime soon. It felt like it was never going to happen. I had almost talked myself into believing that he wouldn't be home to visit until he was done with his contract (yeah, im a bit melodramatic!!).
But no...he came through...he came home...and I am so excited to get to know my brother again.
In all honesty...today felt like it was the first time my brother has come home in over eight years. His past has been so tumultuous that at times, I lost hope that he would ever be the same little brother I remember from my childhood. It appears as if he has grown from his mistakes, and become a great person.
Again, I can't tell you how happy I am that he's home....

Pondering Ponders

Thoughts and Ideas I am pondering while times seems to have stood still...

1. Are grey days that sit in the 50's better than sunny days that are below zero?
2. Do you think I can have the term MTS (muffin top syndrome) recognized by the American Medical Association?
3. Am I going to be able to find a second job where I can work from home between the hours of 8:30 and 10pm M-F?...is this a plausible idea?
4. When will little man start speaking actual sentences?
5. Am I really EVER going to be in shape?
6. Am I really EVER going to meet someone nice through e.whatthehellwasithinking.harmony?
7. Will I be able to find the time to date if I end up meeting a good guy?
8. Who wants to put a wager on me getting severely injured while pitching for the greatest team in the nation?
9. Am I really going to be able to spend time with Navy?...if and when he comes home on a supposed thirty day leave.
10. How in the hell am I going to manage on eighty dollars for two weeks...minus thirty of that for diapers...so in reality, fifty dollars for two weeks (CRAP!)
11. How plausible is it to start your own foundation...only benefiting yourself?

Seeing Stars

I work for a corporate real estate company. We own some fairly large office buildings in the metro area. A rather large local radio station leases a couple of floors out in the building I work in. There have been a few stars that have visited the building since I started working here, including Rob Thomas from Matchbox 20, Dolly Pardon, Carrie Underwood etc.
This morning, I happened to get on the elevator, and none other than a local celebrity, Mark Rosen, got on as well. I was tempted to say "hello...GO WILD!" since he is a sports dude, but I kept my mouth shut because it was too early to make a scene! FYI: Mark Rosen is REALLY TALL! He looks like he could have been a professional football player.
So I ask you this...Have you had any brushes with celebrities? Did you say hi to them? Did you revert to a childish mentality?

The Peaceful Unknown

An epiphany struck me sideways while I was buried eyeball deep in paperwork. To give you a bit of background information about me, I am obsessed with knowing everything. I have been blatantly told by former coworkers that they think I'm nosey..and I always strongly felt that they just didn't understand me, who I was, or what I was about. I had always thought that by knowing "everything" I would, in turn, be able to help people. I am a total people pleaser, and if you don't have the answers then how are you supposed to help people?!
My epiphany entailed an aura of peace surrounding what I do not know. A good friend of mine recently told me that once you know something, you can't really "un-know" it. I couldn't agree with her more. There are some things in life that are best left not knowing. Private things, embarrassing things, lies, truths, and a slue of others. I take comfort in knowing what I need to, and not knowing everything else :)

Sometimes...It's The Little Things In Life

Let me just start out by saying..what.a.day! (as a reminder...this has been my THIRD post today...so yeah, there's been a lot going on!)
Little man completely blows my mind. Every day, I notice more and more how he is growing into a little person, and becoming less my baby (in literal terms...because we all know he'll be my baby for life!!). Tonight, I decided I just didn't have it in me to make dinner. We hadn't been to MD's in a little over two weeks (which is DARN good for me!) so I caved in. When we were just about to make the turn into the parking lot, little man let out "Phai! Phai!" (which is his little way of saying Fry!)...My mom guilty conscious struck me. I had always promised myself that I wouldn't let my child become addicted to MD's, and I had failed with flying colors.
A light bulb went off in my head. I asked little-man if he wanted some dippers...yeah, some apple dippers! He was very excited and repeated "dip-it! dip it!". When it came time to order, I got him a cheeseburger, apple dippers and a chocolate milk. (cough:I got myself a #1 with fries and a coke:cough). The second the food was in the car my ears were littered with "phai mama?" so I caved, and handed little man a fry. I guess you could say he had me at phai (cuz how cute is that word when it's said in his little man voice?! Yes, very cute!).
We got home,and he was very excited for his dippers. I got him setup at the table, and he bypassed his burger (if you know little man in real life, that is completely uncharacteristic of him...) dipped his apple, and took a big bite. After he managed to suck all of the caramel sauce off of his apple, he gracefully spit it back out onto the table. So much for me trying to persuade him to be healthy.
I had to hold back the laughter when I noticed he had started to dip his cheeseburger into his caramel sauce...he absolutely loved it! In fact, I have never seen him scarf down a cheeseburger faster in my life. When he was through, he actually asked for another burger. Thank god he wasn't too disappointed when I reminded him that his burger was already in his tummy.
I thought he was going to give me a rough time for bed...but after a few minutes of mommy time, we decided to read goodnight moon, and he actually turned his light off and crawled into bed. It was the first time in as long as I can remember that he didn't get out of his bed ten times to "test me." It felt like I had achieved a small victory. He wasn't even ready to go to sleep. He sat in his bed, and talked to himself for a good twenty minutes before settling down for the night.
Sometimes, I think children have an amazing sixth sense. They have a way of knowing when it's extremely imperative to be on their best behavior. When this sixth sense kicks in, they really know how to turn your day into something great!

Dark Waters Ahead

It goes without saying that I honestly love my company. I love the people, the work, and everything that entails our business. Our company had been telling us over and over, "the economy isn't as bad as everyone is saying...we just need to hold tight, play our cards right, and business will fall into place." I believed this. I believed that we were experiencing a "fear-cession" instead of a "recession". My beliefs have changed, over the course of one hour, on a bright sunny morning.
Everything had been going as usual. I had been saying "goodmorning!" like it was any other day. Then, I heard a loud yelp, muffled through a door and some walls. Next, I witnessed a coworker running to the bathroom, looking as if she had just lost someone near and dear to her heart. I later found out, layoffs had hit my office. A great, upstanding, classy person had been let-go. And then another...
An abrupt meeting was scheduled for the office. We aren't a large crew, so any we cuts we take are very deep, and are filled with much pain. We are a family, and we have lost a couple of people that had helped to make our machine run smooth and efficient. I hope I don't fall victim to the horrible market driven cuts. I guess only time will tell...

...Pretty Nonchalant Weekend

I can't begin to tell you how excited I am that it appears winter is gone for the season. Driving into work this morning, the gardens were littered with hews of green growth...it really brings joy to my heart.
This past weekend was mostly a waste for me. The only semi-social thing I attended was a girls night get-together on friday. I ate too much, and drank my weight..but still managed to share a few laughs with some great girls. It was, by far, the best evening of the weekend.
Saturday morning, I was met with being completely sleep deprived. I did my minimal mom duties, but just couldn't find the energy to get much done. Some friends of mine met to hang out, but they were getting together too late for me to go (and bring little-man along), so I settled for watching a movie and laying low.
Sunday morning met me with the urge to stay in bed as long as humanly possible when you have a 2yo energetic boy running around your house. Needless to say, I only managed to stay in bed until 7:45. As excited as I am for winter to be gone, I am a bit leery of spring time allergies. I feel they have already attempted to creep into my system...leaving me lethargic with a slight headache all day on sunday.
Yes..this is a boring post...lo ciento. My mind feels a bit cloudy this morning.
On a positive note, I managed to complete my taxes...nothing like leaving important government requirements to the last minute eh?

Single Mom = No Love?

I've been reading a lot of parenting websites lately. Recently, the topic of single mothers searching for love on a new reality show was the topic of conversation. There was actually a lot of negative feedback during the discussion (which surprised me!). Most people were saying "I am a single mom, and my children come first. I am appalled that they would produce a show like this!" blah blah blah.
Am I a bad mom or something? I don't see what the problem with a single mother looking love is. Yes, there are negative opinions of reality television shows, but the premise of the show is honest and true. Yes, there are producers who will line up dates for these women...but who cares, the show is still going to be a single-mom who is trying to juggle her children, and finding a good guy to be in her life. Maybe I am just plain stoooopid today, but I really don't see the harm in it.
Thinking about the negativity surrounding single mom's and dating, I wonder if I have done little man wrong by maintaining a small social life. I am a social person, and I love hanging out with my friends sans little man. There is something about a night out with the girls or with the softball team that completely rejuvenates me. I think my social situation is helped by having great friends who fancy little man as well. Most gatherings, I can take little man with me, and (so far at least...) my friends have been extremely receptive of him. I am so lucky for that...but on nights when I do not take him with me, I always make sure I have a responsible person who cares about him and his well being with him.
So, my question is this...If a single mom makes sure their children are loved, taken care of, and safe, what is so appalling about a single mom trying to find love as well?

There's no place like home...

For two days at work I have been questioning the integrity of a few of my coworkers. I have been stewing about it, wondering how I should or should not address fairly minor issues. I have decided to let them rest...I am really not a fan of drizama!!
When I was humming ANTM in my head, pretending I was a runway model during my daily trip to take the mail down, I had a sudden realization...The company I work for, and the office that I work in is my niche. There is a certain comfort about it. The ambiance, the dynamic personalities in the office, the petty silly things we discuss, the professionalism...It's all small and wonderful aspects of my office. I fit in here, and it is wonderful.
When the V.P. of leasing was leaving this afternoon, I said my daily "Goodbye, have a great night!" and he said the same and walked out of the door. A second later, the door opened back up and he said "By the way, you've been a great addition to our company." What a compliment! I think it just confirms my thoughts and feelings towards my job. I love it here. I am valued here. I feel as if it is an extension of my family. It feels.like.home (sans bi-polar toddler! hehe).

Own The Mole

First off, let me start out by saying that mole is a completely ugly word...in all aspects of life..mole is just.plain.ugly.
When I was a little girl, I had a million freckles. I was the typical fair skinned girl, with a million "angel kisses" as my mom would kindly tell me. One day, as I was getting ready for bed, and my mom was trying to scrub the dirt off of my face, she noticed I had a freckle that was quite large on my chin. Thank god she realized this too, because MAN was she scrubbing the shizzle out of my chin!! The freckle slowly grew, and after time, became a small mole that stuck out of my chin.
I have always been self conscious of my mole. I even contemplated getting it removed, but was way too freaked out that its removal would leave an even more disgusting scar (because that would TOTALLY be my luck!)....so I pushed my self consciousness to the back burner, and got over it (for the most part).
At one point in my life, I even attempted to "own the mole." I had talked myself into believing that "if cindy crawford had a mole, and didn't get it removed...than I can keep my mole, and look damn hot with it too!!" (YEAH RIGHT HUH?! haha)
I am a complete and total hypocrite. My entire life, I was always a bit repulsed by moles, especially people who had hairy moles. As I have aged, I have noticed that juanita (I just hate the word mole so much, that yes, I have decided to name her juanita) has started popping out little hairs. I try to keep on top of juanita's follicles, but they grow random and fast! I think I will have to keep a tweezers with me at ALL times...especially for those hairs that appear out of NOWHERE! Maybe I'll even contemplate laser removal...yes, that's a great idea right?!

Condensed version of long winded story: Don't let a little bump get ya down...and ALWAYS carry a pair of tweezers! :)

And for those of you who know me in person...if I catch you staring at juanita the next time I see you...I'll have her kick your ace ;) Lots O' Love!

Random Randomness

Random going on's:

Fish Count: 2....and one looks kinda sick! :(

Poles open you need to cast your vote for: 1...look at my side bar silly goose! Don't be scurred!

Status of House Cleanliness: Fantastic (aside from my bedroom and laundry)

Number of toddlers who were in a pretty decent mood today: 1

Number of awesome new words I am going to reinvent into everyday communication: 1

Word: Swenglish

American Definition: To Be Determined.

Days until the first official softball game: 9

Anxiety about sucking at the first softball game of '08: Alert Red

Degree of excitement for meeting the team america crew for beer and pizza this week: High

Energy Level: Moderate to High

Level of happiness: Moderate to High

Degree of pessimism: Low to non existent

++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

Little man and I were invited to attend the circus by his afternoon toddler teacher. She sent me the invite via text message. I replied (via text message) that we were already attending the circus, but we should get together for a play date with our little boys. Her response was "your gay. but yeah, we should do that." I don't know how you would take a response like that from an acquaintance, let alone your son's toddler teacher (who is married with a toddler and one on the way...and is only one year younger than I am...). I was a bit taken aback by her choice in language.

Weekend Recap...

Wow...it turned out to be a fantastic weekend!

*went for a short walk to a friends house where i spent the night hanging out and laughing quite a bit...

*cleaned the majority of my home with the help of my pseudo sister in law. it feels magnificent to walk on a freshly mopped floor...

*witnessed little man puddle jump with a huge toddler grin on his face.

*only setback of the weekend was having little man take a tube of lotion, and squirt it EVERYWHERE while i was taking a shower. my 3yo niece witnessed this event, and her mother was supposed to be supervising. my niece did not tell anyone what was going on, and my pseudo sister in law was too mezmorized in scooby doo to realize that the kids were getting into trouble...

*saw a band (my friends have been raving about) for the first time. i think it was probably my best, most fun live music experience to date. i attribute this to great company, fantastic music, and awesome attitudes all around. "your gay" was the phrase of the night (long story..i'll fill ya in on a later post, i'm sure!)

*took little man to the circus with my family. it was his first circus experience, and my first in many years. he thoroughly enjoyed most of it. he rode a live pony for the first time and looked like a natural. i walked with him, but he probably would have been fine by himself. i have also discovered he doesn't have a fear of clowns...he was waving and smiling at them like they were about to become his new best friends.

*after a saturday night of heavy drinking, i woke up with only a mild hangover. it always helps my head when the sun isn't shining when i'm hungover..thanks mother nature, i owe ya one ;)

*managed to meet someone new...and actually "danced" with him. i don't usually have the balls to dance with random guys anymore (and i'm sure the mass amounts of alcohol was a huge contributor to my courage...) but it really was a lot of fun. i could tell he didn't dance often (and neither do i so i'm not one to talk!) but he went along with it, and we both got a lot of laughs, and a new phone number outta the deal!

*on friday, i was informed that i had scheduled a couple of vacation days for the end of april. apparently, little man's daycare is closed and i had planned ahead and scheduled myself off...but had TOTALLY forgotten. im really looking forward to my long weekend at the end of april!!

Warning...Venting Ahead

I typically never write about work..but today, I'm throwing that policy out the window! I participated in a lunch meeting today. The meeting was setup so the admin's in the office could discuss any issues they have been having regarding their support of me (since they fired the lady who had originally been supporting my position during lunches, etc...blah blah, yes this is boring to read about, stop complaining already and give a girl a chance!!). Anywho...During the lunch, one admin, we'll call her C, admitted she was breaking a policy she was unaware of. She blatently made herself look stupid (albeit, completely unintentional). Later in the meeting, I feel like she intentionally tried to make ME look stupid, and right now, I'm a bit urked. I HATE HATE HATE when something is unnecessarily confronted in front of people who are not involved in the situation. Basically, C asked me to not "make her wait for me to get off of my computer for five minutes when she comes up to cover my desk." Talk about a petty thing to say. Is this what corporate meetings are about, discussing things in front of groups of people that could easily be addressed in a five second convo between two coworkers?..way to make yourself look like a lazy asshole lady! Really...I HAVE NEVER MADE YOU WAIT FIVE EFFING MINUTES TO SIT DOWN IN MY CHAIR... Maybe, JUST MAYBE, you could actually arrive at my desk at exactly 11:30 instead of making me sit with my thumb up my ass for fifteen minutes WONDERING if you've forgotten...I mean, REALLY! Thanks for the "constructive criticism"...Good talk, really...Good talk. Asshole

Warning...TMI Ahead!

FYI, check out the poll on the side screen...To give you a bit of back round info, my softball team had a "preseason meeting" (aka lets meet up at our favorite bar and drink a lotta beer and eat some greasy delicious food). Whenever we start drinking, the topic usually always turns to sex. Last night, we started a mini poll about which is better: a one night stand with someone you know, or a one night stand with a stranger. I am torn on this question. Being one of the few single people in the group, I felt the need to chime in, especially because I believe your views on one night stands change when you are in a committed relationship. I will tell you, I have had both. Am I proud of the one night stands with a stranger? No. Was I scared shitless about contracting some sort of crazy STD after? Hell yeah. Did I contract some sort of crazy STD? No (thank GOD!). Am I proud of the only one night stand I've had with someone that I knew? HELL YEAH! Would I have another one night stand with someone else that I know? No, only because I feel like I couldn't currently emotionally handle the complications that sex can bring to a friendship..been there, done that (but I will repeat, the one time i did delve into this territory, it was hella fun!).
So, you've found out a bit about me that you probably didn't already know...Probably a little too much, but I really have nothing to hide! :) It's very hard for myself, the single girl, especially when all I want to do is have passionate sex, but I have nobody to (for lack of a better term) "do it" with...especially if I don't want to be viewed as a slut. The funny part about my dilemma, is I want to have passionate sex...but I really don't feel like dating, or even being in a committed relationship..I guess I am my own catch 22!!

R.I.P

I am sad to report that Ninja has passed away...He was found at 6:30am (central/standard time) floating amongst the fake greenery in his cozy new home. Foul play is not suspected, but all possibilities will be looked into. Services will be kept private. Rest assured, amazing grace will be hummed while we place him in his final resting waters.