Some days are great, others are not...but no matter what twists and turns I encounter, you can be sure I'm going to write about it!

Friday, April 11, 2008

Single Mom = No Love?

I've been reading a lot of parenting websites lately. Recently, the topic of single mothers searching for love on a new reality show was the topic of conversation. There was actually a lot of negative feedback during the discussion (which surprised me!). Most people were saying "I am a single mom, and my children come first. I am appalled that they would produce a show like this!" blah blah blah.
Am I a bad mom or something? I don't see what the problem with a single mother looking love is. Yes, there are negative opinions of reality television shows, but the premise of the show is honest and true. Yes, there are producers who will line up dates for these women...but who cares, the show is still going to be a single-mom who is trying to juggle her children, and finding a good guy to be in her life. Maybe I am just plain stoooopid today, but I really don't see the harm in it.
Thinking about the negativity surrounding single mom's and dating, I wonder if I have done little man wrong by maintaining a small social life. I am a social person, and I love hanging out with my friends sans little man. There is something about a night out with the girls or with the softball team that completely rejuvenates me. I think my social situation is helped by having great friends who fancy little man as well. Most gatherings, I can take little man with me, and (so far at least...) my friends have been extremely receptive of him. I am so lucky for that...but on nights when I do not take him with me, I always make sure I have a responsible person who cares about him and his well being with him.
So, my question is this...If a single mom makes sure their children are loved, taken care of, and safe, what is so appalling about a single mom trying to find love as well?


  1. Of course single Moms deserve a social life and a chance to find love.

    I haven't heard about this show before but generally I object to any reality show about fixing people up. They always seem to portray the women as so desperate and the general message always seems (to me anyway) that women need a man in their life in order to be worthy and happy.

    I genuinely hope that these single moms are not portrayed as desperate and willing to do anything to get a man.

    I remember when I was single, the first question some of my friends would ask was if I'd "found myself a man yet". Like there was something wrong with me. It used to seriously piss me off as I was pretty happy in my single state. I always felt like retorting that I didn't want to "settle".
    Yyeesh, this comment sure meandered around didn't it?

  2. NOTHING is wrong with it. i have heard there are a lot of trolls on parenting sites. wouldn't you like to actually see inside those people's lives to see how they really live? all that is wrong is if the mom forgets about the kid in the process, which obviously you haven't done. and you should still have a social life! you are a human, not a robot!

  3. I think the moms who were complaining about the show are the people who have forgotten what it's like to be just that: people. Sometimes women forget to put themselves first. (not that your kids should suffer from that of course)

  4. Hi. I don't believe that single moms have no right to love again. You are still single and that's a fact. Your child is a part of your life and he/she should be the first thing to consider when a man fell in love with you. It is only in the people's mind that your situation appears to be wrong. As you have said, they see you as a desperate woman finding another man. I am a man and have fallen in love with a single mother. I am separated with my wife and we have four kids. The first thing that I have realized with the woman is that, I'm always the second priority, or not a priority at all. It hurts me but it is one of the obstacles a man should get through, for the sake of love. There is just one thing that you must assure your man when someone proposes to you: that you will love him no matter how people see you and speak at you. You must also assure him that you will be there for him, if he needs you...
    In the same way, you must be sure that your man really loves you. You can test him by setting him as the last priority after your child. That way, you can see what will be his behavior towards you and your child. If he can survive your test, then he must be the one.

    I have passed the test and the problem I have now is her. She seems to be worrying about what her kin would be saying about her. And I find it very difficult to bear and survive.