Oh No You Didn't!

When you have a baby, your body changes. MOST normal women end up with a slight mom-pooch...the area between your belly button and your who-haw that is a little flubby, and doesn't quite know how to fit into jeans. I don't think I have been cursed with a HUGE pooch...but it's definitely there, and it definitely has a mind of its own.
My pooch has a mind of its own. For some reason, it cannot stand zippers. For this reason, I usually only wear button fly jeans. Today, getting dressed in the dark, I found a pair of jeans that appeared to be clean. When I discovered they were a zipper fly, I just said "eff-it! I don't have time to rummage in the dark for another pair!" and went on with my day...
Everytime I sit down...my darn pooch deems it necessary to UNZIP MY FLY! HOW EMBARRASSING!
I have tried to combat its stubborn attitude with a belt, but even that isn't working. Desperate times call for desperate measures...I will run today...for the second day in a row. TAKE THAT POOCH! THAT'S WHAT YA GET FOR UNZIPPING MY FLY WITHOUT MY PERMISSION!

Last night, I arrived home to a dark house, and a little orange note that read "your electric has been disconnected." No.Good.
I am not the most responsible person when it comes to money, but I am not taking the entire blame for the schematics of last night either...I had TRIED to put my bill on automatic bill-pay for about six months...and was told it was activated, but found out later that it wasn't...BOO TO THE ELECTRIC COMPANY. SO....Last night, I dialed the electric company on my cell to reconcile my bill and hopefully get my lights turned back on. Little-man kept saying "light, light!" but I just replied "the lights are broken honey," but I really wanted to tell him that his mama sucked at life...
The electric company uses a third party to accept payments...this is bullshit. I spoke to a lady who could barely speak english, and had me repeat myself FIVE TIMES...I was already pissed off for being in the dark at home, and now this stupid outsourced employee couldn't understand something simple like my street address, or even my account number...I was about to lose it.
Long story short...I have a reminder to pay my bill on the first of each month setup on my outlook, automatic bill pay can suck at times, and I feel like a huge loser!

One small step...

I have been struggling with getting little-man to sleep in a toddler bed at night. We tried having him sleep in a big-boy toddler bed for the first time at grandma's house last weekend. Apparently, he was not down with the idea because he was up on the hour, every hour, all night long....The day after that, we brought the big-boy toddler bed home with us, and I was clueless as to how I was going to conquer this huge mommy task. Little-man totally takes after his mama...he is super stubborn, and he hates change. For example, when I sat in his room with him the other night, he refused to go to sleep in his new bed. He would lay in it, but insisted on playing, and fought the fact that the new bed was serious business. The second I put him in his crib he would literally turn to his tummy and knock out. I have been so torn as to what I should do. This is the first time I've tried getting my little-man to take a small step towards growing up. My gut was telling me he wasn't ready, but I think I was the one who wasn't ready. He's my baby...It's so hard to fathom that he's growing up!
Tonight, I feel like I'm on top of the world. He is sleeping in his toddler bed, and I couldn't be a happier mama. He fought with all his heart, and even made me laugh every time he would sneak out of his room to spy on me. I was firm, and after he snuck out for the third time, I told him it was night night time (in the sternest voice I could muster) and shut his door tightly. He attempted to sneak out, but was unable to open the door. He only struggled for about three minutes, and then conceded defeat. I gave him a good fifteen minutes of silence before I peeked into his room (believing that I would find him sleeping next to the door) but to my utter shock and surprise, he was laying in his new big boy bed, covered up, and TOTALLY SLEEPING! Tears of happiness started to well up inside of me. I did it..He did it. I really can't begin to tell you how proud of him I am. I just hope he continues to sleep through the night in his new big boy bed.
When I went in his room a minute ago, his head was at the foot of the bed...I was apprehensive about moving him, but I couldn't resist. I moved his head towards his pillow, and he sat up. I calmly told him to put his head on the pillow, handed him his blanket, and recovered his tiny toddler body back up...he's still sleeping, and again, I am so proud of my big little-man.
Mama's going to sleep with a huge smile on her face tonight...This is one small step towards growing up, and one HUGE step for Mama. YAY ME!

Twilight Zone/Circus Experience...

After the encouragement of a TargetBoutique Pharmicist, my boss, and another lady in the office, I decided to give in and go to get my ears checked out. I have been sick for over a week, and was feeling ear pain and sinus pain unlike anything else I've ever felt. Ya know that feeling from your childhood when you jump into a pool and get water up your nose and it stings???...that stinging sensation was constant in my face yesterday...it was not fun.
When I arrived at the minute clinic, I was second in line. I chose to go to a minute clinic because it is a quick diagnosis, and since my health insurance is a high deductable plan, the minute clinic would essentially save me about fifty dollars. Instead of an actual doctor, you see a practitioner, but they can write out prescriptions...so it made no difference to me!
When the lady before me left the room, she was balling her eyes out...this struck me as odd because the minute clinic only deals with fairly minor medical issues, such as rashes, ear infections, and the occasional pregnancy test... So, I shrugged it off saying to my self "o-k-a-y".
The practitioner was very nice. We talked about my symptoms, she took my vitals, and then we discussed that it would not be a great idea for me to fly. (I was supposed to fly to indianapolis for a regional company meeting...it was only going to be a day-trip...so the up and down of two flights in one day would not have been a good environment for my ears). My prescription was sent to the pharmacy, and all was good. I walked over to the pharmacy and checked in, and then sat down to wait for my meds to be filled....and apparently, the circus had come to town...
I can understand how frustrated people get when it comes to affording medication, but there was a lady at the counter who took things to another level. She was loud, rude and swearing up and down.... This lady was so beligerent, it was difficult for me not to laugh at her antics, but also difficult for me to sit quiet and not tell her how rude she was acting and that she needed to settle down or she would end up in the hospital with a heart attack (I am cursed with a conscious that forces me to stand up to bullies...).
After a while, the belligerent lady left. I was still waiting for my name to be called, and couldn't get out of there fast enough. Out of the blue, a lady (also waiting) started making small talk with me. I was asking myself what I had done to deserve these weird occurrances taking place one after another. If you know me, you know I love to talk...but who wants to talk at all, let alone to a stranger, especially when you feel like dog poo. I wish I was still a bitch on wheels at this point, because all I really wanted to do was tell this lady to leave me the eff alone...but I didn't, and I answered her nosy questions like "what are you waiting for?" and "Do you have any children?" and "What is his name?" (seriously lady, were all of these questions REALLY NECCESSARY??)
My name was finally called, and I was finally able to head home...but sheesh, what an experience that place was. I really wish I had the entire experience captured on video, because I know I am missing some silly details. It must be pretty entertaining for the employees of the fine establishment I was at, because they sure do get a multitude of different people...

A Bitch On Wheels

WARNING: Language suitable for a sailor....dead ahead!

I.AM.CRABBY....not just crabby, but also a huge bitch on wheels. I can attribute my ginormous attitude to PMS. I can also attribute it to a few stressful situations in my life, including getting over a virus, getting little sleep during my bout with the nasty virus, the constant abuse from a toddler, a lot of extra responsibility at work, and being told (in slightly different words) that I wasn't taking responsibility for the well being of little-man. Fuck you.
I know there are a combination of different stressors in my life, and I shouldn't take everything out on one person...but when someone, anyone, has the audacity to tell me I'm not putting little-man first all I can say is Fuck You. My tone does not entail a raised voice. My tone is dry, and straight to the point.
For this person's information, I HAVE BEEN PUTTING THIS LITTLE GUY FIRST SINCE THE DAY I FOUND OUT I WAS PREGNANT! Wow...can ya sense the hostility? (GUILTY!)
I know everyone has everyday stress they deal with. I can empathize...but I refuse to tolerate someone acting like a victim. And, as life has shown tonight, if you act like a victim to this mama, especially when this mama is a bitch on wheels, I'll set ya straight...fo rizzy yo.
I really get heated when someone not only offends my parenting styles, but also finds it acceptable to go out drinking on a work night until 10pm. This same person refuses to be at my house until 8:30 (because that is when I am scheduled to arrive home from a same-day work trip), because being out until 8:30 and NOT being at a bar getting wasted is just something they cannot handle...it will totally deprive them of sleep and make them have a bad day at work....BULLSHIT!
At times like this I really really really wish that little-man had two different families to love him and help support me raise him. Particularly, grandparents who find every second spent with their grandchildren a joy, not a chore... When I find my companion, his family will not chose booze over their own family....one can only hope..
Again, I wish I was gifted with words so I could paint the full picture. My writing reminds me of the most abstract artwork you could imagine....like something painted by an elephant, although, some people would actually PAY for an elephant painting...and I would probably have to pay someone to read my rants....fucking life right?!

ANTM

At approximately 4pm, M-F, I walk the mail downstairs and nextdoor to the mailbox. Just about everyday, I have silly crazy thoughts running through my head, and four times out of five, one of those thoughts includes pretending I'm strutting the catwalk on America's Next Top Model (ANTM). I don't know why I do this...I have never been interested in modeling, nor do I have a body that can be compared to a plus sized model, let along a toothpick figure that can magically hold themselves up on two legs.
Today, was unlike any other day. I even hummed the theme song to ANTM while I was walking across the atrium...I'm so wierd!! It's a small guilty pleasure, and everytime I start strutting, I smile to myself.
What are your guilty pleasures...big or small?

Heart vs Head

Expecting the unexpected is a formula I should try and live by with more patience. I was dealt a card this past weekend that I had not anticipated, but feared what the outcome would be...and my fears came true.
He messaged around midnight...I knew he had been drinking. He usually only contacts me after a few drinks. I have yet to figure out why. In my heart, I feel like we talk because we have a deep connection. In my head, I believe we talk because he has nothing better to do.
Over the past three(+) years, we have hung out about four times. We have known each other longer than that, but for reasons (some known, most unknown) to me, our nights spent with one another have been few and too far between.
His hands are strong, his touch is gentle, and his heart is open. I feel safe in his arms. He always says he'll call the next day or the next week to make plans, to break our "few-and-far-between" cycle....he never follows through. Each time he leaves, it hurts a little more. We can sit wrapped in each others arms for hours, and it is time well spent...time that I wish I could freeze for an eternity. He tells me things that I don't believe. He tells me he thinks I am beautiful. These are words I never hear. I don't know how many more chances I can give him or this. I don't know how long my heart can stay open to him.
In my heart, things feel so easy between the two of us. Each time we meet, it feels like the last time we saw each other was last week, not last year.
Although it feels so natural, I cannot understand why it is so difficult and challenging in real life. Things that feel this right should not play out so hard. The whole situation feels as if I am drowning in an inch of water...it just shouldn't be playing out like this...
I am sure this entire post sounds confusing, random, and non-sensible...I just can't seem to coherently gather my thoughts around this...I will go to bed tonight, dreaming that he calls...it would be nice.

P.S. The inventor of the bubble bath gets a great big high-five from me! They're the perfect end to a long weekend...