Undivided Attention

It's almost the middle of February and the weather in MN is crazy warm. So warm, that the grass (in some areas) is starting to get a green tinge. Weird.

On another note, I've decided to pledge one night a week for me time. I'm going to take one night, and leave the confines of motherhood for two hours or so...most likely I'll wind up at a coffee shop or book store. The time will hopefully be peaceful, rejuvenating, and worthwhile. Not gonna lie, I'm pretty excited.

Pre-little man, I never realized how valuable alone time can be. I'm not talking alone time after little man is in bed. I'm referring to alone time that is unrestricted and unconfined. Time where I can do this or that, and not have to worry if someone has to go potty. It amazes me how the simple things in life can be so amazing, but so complicated.

Since pledging time strictly for myself seems a bit selfish, I'm also pledging one night a week for special little man time. No tv (unless we're watching a movie together) no telephone interruptions. Just the two of us.

Don't get me wrong, I try my best to give him attention every single night...but I feel like now is the perfect opportunity to make our family bonds a bit stronger..and what better way to do that then to commit my undivided attention to him once a night :) Wish me luck, I don't think it's going to be as easy as it seems!!

Scars

I have the butterflies today..and I can’t really figure out why. Well..I have some ideas, but I’ve been unable to pin point the exact cause of my giddiness. I think I’ve begun to see my life in a different light. I do deserve love. I do deserve to be happy, with a man in my life. I am not going to count myself out of the running. I’ve got my chin up, and a big silly grin on my face. It IS possible for me.
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The Crush that apparently broke me:

I was in high school, and I think it was my sophomore year. He was tall, a grade ahead of me, and very good looking. His smile melted me. I was experiences a true school-girl crush.
The funny thing about me in high school was I didn’t crush on boys very often. I was very athletic, so much so that I always buried myself in athletics, leaving little to no time for crushing on boys.
My friends and I decided to go to the hockey game. If memory serves me correct, the winner of the game went to the state tournament (which is a pretty big deal in Minnesota). The band was there, the stands at the Coliseum were packed with students and parents.
About ten rows ahead of me, there he was. Sitting with his upperclassmen friends. Laughing. Having a great time. And there I was, sitting with my friends. Pretending to watch the game, but constantly staring at him hoping for a bit of reciprocation.
In between periods I glanced to find him, and he was nowhere to be found. I sat silently, wondering where he had disappeared off to…and then I felt a tap on my shoulder.
“You really need to learn how to stare.”
It was him.
I was completely embarrassed. Mortified. Hurt. Frustrated. You name whatever negative feeling that comes to mind and I was probably feeling it.
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Yes, we all experience moments in high school that are awkward, uncomfortable, or even hurt. Looking back, I can see why a circumstance like this would leave me with a deep scar. The funny thing is, I never realized it until a complete stranger said a few key words that helped me look back on my life and reevaluate what I deserve, and what I need to let go of.

I still have my doubts about clairvoyance, but I am so thankful I took the plunge and allowed myself to experience an Extreme Love Makeover.

Today, I am happy.

Radio Flyer

Rewind to last Wednesday: It was the usual boring commute into work. Traffic was moving, no complaints there. I found myself listening to the radio, dancing to whatever jam was playing at the time. The morning show returned and they started talking about inviting single people to the station to talk with Gary Spivey. Apparently, Mr. Spivey is some renowned psychic, of which people pay big bucks to talk with.
Being single, and having a rocky year in the life of dating, I wanted to call just as much as I didn't want to call. Who wouldn't want free dating advice from someone who can apparently see the future? At the same time, why would I want personal information spewed into the ears of thousands of strangers...let alone people I KNOW who might listen to the radio.
After having this conversation with myself (out loud, of course) I decided I was going to call the radio station. Once. If the call did or did not go through, I was alright with it. I dialed in, and the phone rang. The station answered. I gave them a brief synopsis of my horrible online dating history..and before I knew it I was on the air speaking with the morning show, telling them why I needed an Extreme Love Makeover.

Fast Forward to this morning: I had to be to the station by 6:45am. This meant I had to wake up, make myself look presentable, get little man to daycare, and fight traffic....It was early, but I did it. I arrived at the station on-time..and before I knew it, found myself in the radio station speaking with the infamous morning show and Gary Spivey.
I learned a few things about myself, and it was a fun experience all in all. Am I a huge fan of clairvoyance? Not necessarily. Did I hear some things from Mr. Spivey that made sense? Of course. Would I pay for a psychic reading in the future? Unlikely.

Fast Fast Forward to a few seconds ago: I've been listening to the radio all day (which I don't normally do...I usually get too distracted and irritated that they play the same five songs OVER and OVER again...it's quite nauseating). They have another contest going on...It's basically the memory game. There's a memory board numbered 1-40. You pick two numbers, and each number is assigned a vacation. If you guess two numbers, and they are matching trips, you win that trip. Kind of cool, right? No I didn't win a trip..but I tried calling in just to see if I'd get through, AND I DID! My guilty conscious made me hang up the phone before someone answered. I think 2009 is the year for me to enter contests on the radio. Getting through four times in two months is pretty crazy, especially considering I've gotten through on the first try every single time!!

TGIF

It's Friday. Thank GOD! I'm looking forward to this weekend. Lounging around watching the DVR, seeing some great friends, relaxing and MAYBE even cleaning (don't hold your breath on the cleaning, because I wouldn't want you to suffocate).

My weeks have been chaotic, fun, stressful and tiring. I'm looking forward to my weekends more and more!

Do you have any fun plans or things you are looking forward to this weekend?

Lets get WILD!

I went out in public last night without a toddler (yes, you guessed it, I left him in the car with the window cracked JUST a little...I mean, it's really cold out, I wouldn't want him totally freeze out! hehe, jk). But yes. Me. Out. In public. Sans little man. I was SUPER excited.

I was invited by a friend to go to the Wild game. As it turns out, a lot of people I knew were at the game too. I happened to randomly run into two co-workers, my uncle, and two friends. Kinda weird considering. Even more bizarre that they were all sitting in the same section as us.

ANYWHO. As we were sitting in our seats, I decided to share a story. I was telling the three people I was with about my most recent radio call-in experience. I'll fill you in on the deets a bit later. As I was telling the story, I realized how difficult it is to talk with a group at a sporting event. At a hockey game, there's no music while the game is in play. However, the second play stops, the BLAST something really loud. So loud, it's almost as if they're telling you to STOP TALKING NOW AND WATCH THE GAME.

What did I do because of this? I decided to talk loud during my entire story, just to make sure my friends heard what I was saying, and to spare repeating myself. I only noticed how loud I was actually talking towards the end of my story....the people three rows in front of me kept turning around to see who the loud-talker was. Yup. It was ME! :) I felt embarrassed for all of two seconds, then finished my story, and continued watching the game.

p.s. The Wild won. It was a FANTASTIC game. I'm so happy I was able to go!!!

Clarification

When your boss walks up to you and says "you look better today" is that supposed to be a good thing? Ha. I think it's funny.

My life is teetering on the edge of insanity. I'm fairly certain I'll either become the Queen of Sheba OR I'll end up in a room full of padded walls with all of my shoelaces taken away.


Personally, I'm hoping to be crowned.

You see, on top of my random spurts of intense ADD, I've been struggling with little man's old daycare. The center is claiming I owe them over a grand. While I will openly admit I'm not the most fiscally responsible person on the planet, this claim is absolutely absurd, and it has been driving me CRAZY.

Yes, I've filed a complaint with the Better Business Bureau.

Yes, I've utilized the Employee Assistance Program and have had a free sit-down consultation with a lawyer.

Yes, the director of his old daycare is STILL DRIVING ME NUTS.

Agreeing with a favorite blogger of mine, I refuse to apologize...but really wanted to explain my current happenings without crossing any lines.

Does anyone know a good hit man that's affordable they could send my way? Kind of kidding....Kind of.

The Looney Bin is Calling My Name.

Perfectionist.

Control Freak.

Over Analytical.

These are a few reasons why I('m):

1) Freak out when I'm told that I'm making errors.
2) Single.

Last week was extremely rough. I'll try not to drag it out, but in a nutshell...
I thought I was on top of my game. I was feeling very comfortable with my newly assigned tasks since our latest layoff. I had cut back on my internet sluff-off time, and was focusing on work (because I needed to). I was feeling so comfortable that I actually sluffed off more than I have in a long time last tuesday.

Wednesday came around, which greeted me with a sick little man and my period.

Once Thursday was here, I was then told by my boss that she is losing trust in my work because I was making multiple errors. I guess the girl who thought all was fine and dandy was effing up. Crap.

I have the utmost respect for my boss, so when I feel like I've "disappointed her" it feels more like I let my own parents down...You know the "talk"..."I'm not mad, I'm disappointed"...yeah, that one.

Friday couldn't have come fast enough...Then, I effed up a memo to our tenants. I was so flustered with how my week had gone, the second my rediculous error was pointed out to me I broke down in tears.

I enjoyed my time away from work this past weekend...but the catch-22 is I love my job, love my office, and have loved going to work since the first day I started here. The atmosphere has been great. The people have been kind and easy to work with.



Yes, I've been horrible at writing and commenting lately...maybe if I get back to my regularly scheduled morning posts, I will clear my head enough to actually focus during my day. It's worth a shot!!