TGIF

I could write about how the sun is beautiful this morning, especially after the white-out blizzard-like conditions of yesterday....but I won't.

I could tell you about a person who is a thorn in my side and who continually acts snide and above me....but I won't.

I could tell you that I'm starting to become worried that things at work are going to blow up in my face, because every time I feel like I have things under control I always get checked and scolded for messing things up...but I won't.

I could write about the challenges of having a three-year old boy, and how he seems to have sprouted this attitude of independence that argues HE CAN DO IT...but I won't.

I could write about how much I really look forward to having a man sleep by my side at night (for purely selfish reasons..of course!)....but I won't.

I could write about my dysfunctional relationship with my parents, and how I haven't spoken with my dad since my birthday...because he called my HOUSE line to find out what plans were when he knew I was out ice skating, and then proceeded to make me feel like it was my fault he didn't come out for my birthday...but I won't.

All I know for certain right now is today is Friday. Friday that seemed to take forever to arrive. I'm so glad I'll be able to sleep-in tomorrow..and can't wait to experience the weekend adventures that lie ahead of me!

Happy Friday!

The Real World.

Last night was the first time I've ever felt "old." What made me feel old. The effin Real World.

I remember a day when I used to tune into MTV and think "wow, look those people living in a house without parents or rules! They are soooo lucky! I want to do that someday...."

The next thing I knew, I was graduating high school and off to college. I experienced my own version of the Real World when I agreed to live in a house with five other girls. It was hell on earth. I doubt a single girl who lived in that house would say they'd do it all over again if they had the chance (and if they DID want to do it all over again, I'd be the first to have them committed to a psych ward).

Fast forward to today, and the situation that made me feel old. A "character" on the show said he was hoping to gain new family members from agreeing to the MTV experience. That made me think of how I wanted my roomies to be, and how I slowly realized when you have high expectations of people, they let you down. Kind of sad, yes...but a great life lesson. I looked at my television last night and said "dude, you'll learn life is full of shit...you just need to learn how to get it off of your shoes without touching it, and you'll be fine and dandy." Well, maybe I didn't say this outloud, but I sure as hell thought it inside my head.



**Did I mention I'm giving up swearing for lent? That being said, I'm not allowing myself to physically SAY the word...so chances are I'm gonna have the urge to TYPE the word. I'll do my best to control this, but I sure as hell am not making any promises. ;)

A Bad Dream

Today I took little man to his 3-year check-up. The only appointment available with his doctor anytime near his third birthday was today, at 2pm. Haven't these medical professionals heard of a nap? Ha. Nope!

That being said, after being woken from a fifteen minute nap, I had a terror child on my hand. He was horrible at the doctors office unless specific attention was being paid to him. At one point, I asked his doctor if he was short toddlers, or could use to have an extra toddler around to which he replied "been there, done that!" Thanks Dr. B. Thanks.

Anyways...one of my main concerns I brought to the table was little man waking up around two hours after going to bed, acting super uncomfortable, whining, inconsolable. I had looked up this issue in one of my mommy toddler guides, and was told his behavior COULD be contributed to abuse. WTF??
The doctor told me his behaviors were classic of night terrors. My immediate reaction was "great" thought in the most sarcastic way possible, however, it's better than the books diagnosis...

I remember suffering from what I will now recognize as a night terror. It was horrible. I was convinced a shadow close to my bedroom door was a man, crouching, waiting to enter my bedroom and rob me of all of my belongings and attack me. I screamed, and was horrified. The shadow seemed so real to me. Yeah, I'm crazy like that.



Do you know anyone who has experienced night terrors? Have you experienced them yourself?

I think I can.

How tough is it to write a book? I think I might just give it a go.

The Movies.

Movies I've watched this weekend:
Transformers - Not as good as everyone hyped it up to be.
No Country for Old Men - Twisted.
Super Bad - Kinda funny.
Gone Baby Gone - Intense.
Surf's Up - Alright...but would only recommend it if you could watch it at no cost.

What a weekend for the movies! I seem to have taken a love for watching a good four to five movies every weekend. I really am loving On Demand and having a dvr to record televised movies so I can watch them on my own accord.

I've gotta comment on the Oscars since I'm not part of the in-twitter crowd (nor will I become part of that crowd if my sanity has anything to say about it). I was entertained from the get-go. I thought Hugh stepped it up and was funny, and charming..plus, shouting out I AM WOLVERINE had me almost peeing my pants (I'm a huge X-Men fan..hehe). The other beginning moment that had me chuckling was Whoopie's supporting actress speech, referring to her previous role in Sister Act. Hilarious.
Yes, I too bawled when Heath won for best actor is a supporting role. I think the loss of him touches me so much because my heart hurts for his little girl.

Movies I want to see sooner than later:
Slumdog Millionaire
En Brouge
Wanted
Changeling
The Reader
Doubt

I'm too cheap to actually buy these gems...so I guess I'll have to wait until they're in the Free Movies section of On Demand :)

Is it half full?

Half full or half empty. How do you view your glass?

Growing up, I always saw my glass as half full. I was the annoying "life is beautiful" kid who had a smile plastered to her face 24/7 and would walk up to complete strangers and say "Hi, do you want to be my friend?" People were caught off guard by my optimistic energy.

The funny thing about me (and I think most people) is we all have moments of optimism and pessimism. It's almost as if living life requires you to ride a mandatory roller coaster Called: Pessimistic Optimism. I don't care who you are, I highly doubt you've maintained an optimistic attitude your entire life. If so, let me know who your dealer is. Why do I know being %100 optimistic is not possible? Because you're talking to the queen of optimism, and even I've had moments of pessimism mixed into my world.

Take for example yesterday. In the morning, I was so happy and optimistic about my day. Little man was in a great mood, and I had nothing to complain about. Enter 3:55pm. I receive an email from a friend telling me some unsettling news. Hello pessimism! How ya been? Then, on my way home from work, speak with my mom who in-turn left me feeling so frustrated that I could hardly speak. I called a great friend, who reminded me to grasp back onto my optimism..which is exactly what I did.

Yes, the events of yesterday might sound a bit manic...but at the same time, life is manic. You're faced with great news, tough news, frustrating news, and news that makes you want to jump for joy.

So...I ask you again....Is your glass half full or half empty today?

3

I woke up this morning to discover little man taking himself to the bathroom. He got out of bed, walked to the potty, and then went on with his morning.

The next sound I heard was a ruckus in the kitchen. I went to checkout the hub-bub to find little man smiling up at me, cars and kitchen utensils spread everywhere.

"Hi Mom! I'm making Car Soup!"

I wasn't upset in the least. My little boy has grown quite the imagination!

He came into the world with a bang, three years ago today. I am so blessed to be able to experience his giggles, and witness his expression/views on the world through the eyes of a little munchkin. He keeps me grounded. I wish I could put into words how proud I am of my three-year-old.

Happy Birthday Little Man!!

You've got to be kidding me.

I skidded twenty feet through a stop sign on my way to work this morning. Thank god there were no other cars around. I don't believe I slid through this stop sign because of the glare ice between my tires, but rather because I am extremely distracted and distraught this morning.

I'm not sure if you remember my declaration to not date in 2009. Then, this happened, and I realized I was not giving myself the chance to find a great man to date if I wouldn't allow myself to date.

That being said, I lined a date up for last night. I met the guy through a friend. The connection was ironically made on valentines day, when myself and two friends were hanging out, and I had them go onto facebook and find me a guy to date. It was quite comical, but by the end of the night we had spoken on the phone, and I was pretty giddy about the entire situation. I found out through my friends that he had a tainted past, but figured I wasn't one to judge. I'm obviously not perfect (read: I'm a single mother who has never been married).

I took it as a great sign that he called on Sunday night. I informed him of having a child, since I don't believe having a little one in your life was/is something to hide. He said it didn't bother him, in fact, telling me "your little guy needs to come first." It was a very heartfelt statement. I hung up the phone on Sunday night, with a coffee date lined-up for Tuesday, and a smile on my face.

Tuesday afternoon rolls around. He accepts my friend request on facebook at 4:31, and at 4:48 he calls my cell phone....to cancel our date scheduled for that evening. He claimed to have food poisoning, and I'm not doubting that he did (unless, of course, he had happened to eat at the same Olive Garden as I did, I digress). I just felt in my mom-gut that the timing of all of this was extremely suspicious.

Now, I know I'm not Megan Fox.

Me = NOT THIS:

That's more like it:

I'm more like Sarah Plain and Tall. A girl who is simple. I love to laugh, love spontaneity, and wants people/men to want to get to know me. I am extremely over guys running from me because I have a child. I am NOT ASKING THEM TO BE THE FATHER OF MY SON. I'm the parent. They should be SO LUCKY to get the chance to actually meet my little man. Seriously.

I turned to a west coast buddy for advice. After all, he's a boy, and the same age as I am. I'll be honest, I turned to him because I needed someone, anyone, to say "I agree, that was bullshit." He didn't say that. What I gathered from his words are guys don't want to date single mom's because they aren't ready to be a parent....almost like the "It's not you, it's me" excuse.

Example: "Tracy, I think you're cool, but I don't feel comfortable dating a woman with a child. It's not you, it's me." Do ya smell what I'm stepping in?

Let me be blunt and call out a loud BULLSHIT. I wish I could empathize with this "reasoning," but it's chalk-full of crap. Does the fact hold true that I'm a single parent? Yes, but I refuse to be lumped into a group of SINGLE PARENTS. We don't have diseases (at lease I DON'T have diseases), we don't have scales under our clothes. We are sensitive individuals who just so happen to be lucky enough to have skipped the initial step of finding true love before having a child. Honestly, I'm really no different from your average jane who doesn't have a child. Can people, family, friends and the like please stop lumping me into this stigmata? I'm not a stigmata, I'm a person who has feelings wants to date AND DESERVES TO DATE just like everyone else.

I know some people don't agree with me...and to those, I wish I could put you in my shoes for a day to see how demeaning and frustrating peoples' actions towards me really feel. I doubt you'd ever want to date again if you experienced what I've gone through the past year.

P.S. Today is the anniversary of this. Go effin figure.

A bit of a rant...

I'm going to take a second and get political....kind of.

I was avoiding work working this afternoon, and stumbled upon this on yahoo....and it got me to thinking.

Why would the American people PUBLICIZE that they know where one of the most wanted men in the world is?! Talk about a dumb move.

I don't fully understand military logistics, nor to I necessarily want to. I'm just saying I find it highly frustrating that we'd blow a secret like that, unless the real truth lies more along the baselines of trying to distract the American public from real issues ::cough::economic depression::cough::.

I strongly feel Baby Bush used this tactic to become elected to his second term as President. What tactic? Using sensitive news stories to deter the American people from real issues, that were/are not pleasing.

It took us over a decade to kill this a-hole...and we're nearing closer to a decade wasting time, money and lives on this one. I really hope they bring him in alive in a feeble attempt to gain closure on the mess he's brought upon our country.



God Bless America.

The Mermaid

When you live in MN, your car easily becomes trashed out in the winter. Who am I kidding? When you're me, your car easily becomes trashed out.
Why do I blame the trashiness of my car on MN? Simple. Who in their right mind wants to take the time to carry unnecessary clutter into their house OR collect random garbage in their car to toss when it's -100 outside?! Not this chick!

In the summertime, it's slightly easier to clean the car out. Yes, it's hot and humid, but at least the weather allows you to scrub the car yourself.

Today, I brought my car to The Mermaid. It's a pretty sweet deal. They vacuum the carpet and detail the dash for less than $15. I don't do this very often, but I'm doing my best to appear normal and non-slobbish. Hopefully my clean-car facade will work!! :) Wish me luck!

Stuff.

Movies watched on my 3-Day weekend:
Penelope - I loved it. I might just go and buy it!
Meet the Robinson's - Also decent!
Ransom - Great suspense action drama
Perfect Strangers - Weird, but not necessarily in a bad way
Michael Clayton - Surprisingly good...but you have to pay attention.
John Tucker Must Die - Typical teenage angst comedy.
Deja' Vu - Meh. It was alright...though kind of predictable.

Bouts of food poisoning:
1 - Thanks Olive Garden.

Dates planned for this week:
1 - Hitting up a coffee shop. I'm pretty excited!

VD

I've got a case of VD. No, not that VD....This VD!

I'm about ten minutes from taking a quick trip to the store to pick up the makings to bake my very own valentines day cake!

After that, I'm planning on cleaning up my place, possibly taking a nap, then welcoming a great friend over to share in heart shaped pizza, some wine and watch movies. Life is good!

What are you planning to do today, (one of the biggest greeting card holidays there are)?

Coffee Talk

I received a book on my birthday. Over the years, I haven't been the biggest book worm, but lately, I've found myself reading more and more.
After cracking the spine on my new book-of-knowledge, I was enlightened to learn that I "needed" to dedicate one night a week to myself (if you guessed the book was about "finding love" you are absolutely correct).
Since I'm a girl who won't knock it 'till I try it, I scheduled a sitter to come over for a few hours after little man was in bed, and took off to the nearest coffee shop (with a different book in hand).
It's been years since I've spent any length of time in a coffee shop. Honestly, the last time I spent time in a coffee shop was back when Mark and I were dating (I'd say about five to six years ago).
I wanted to find a fun little nook that was hipster, quiet and comfortable. What I found out when searching for such place is that it doesn't exist...and if it DOES exist, it closes at 6. Being that I wasn't leaving my house until 8, my dream coffee shop utopia was out of the question...so I decided to give-in and go to a caribou. Don't get me wrong, there's nothing wrong with caribou...I just wanted to find a place that was small, and non-corporate.
What I discovered completely shocked me. The first caribou I drove by was PACKED with people. Not a single table was open. I continued on my mission and landed at a different caribou, just down the road from my house. There were only about four people lounging. I ordered myself a black coffee, saddled up to a table, cracked open my book, and enjoyed myself.
There's something about reverting back to the days before kids that is so invigorating. Last night was the first time I went out, and didn't feel burdened by the fact that I had a toddler at home. I didn't feel ashamed of being a single mom. I felt good. I felt on top of my game. I was happy for my independence, and equally excited that I had an almost three year old boy to go home to. My life is sweet. I'm a pretty lucky person!

American Idol

Yes. I'm jumping on the American Idol Bandwagon. Why, you ask? Because one of the contestants went to my high school....

Honestly, I don’t think she would know my name, nor would I have recognized her if we passed on the street. She only went to my high school for a year or so (her hair back then was bleach blond with varying bright-color highlights), but had been in the public middle school with my friends….so they were the ones to inform me of her new celebrity status.

The girl has talent, that’s for sure! She exudes soul in her songs, I loved hearing her sing on television last night…and FYI: talent runs in her family.

Have you jumped on the American Idol Bandwagon yet? If so, I hope you give Jesse your vote. She deserves it!

Undivided Attention

It's almost the middle of February and the weather in MN is crazy warm. So warm, that the grass (in some areas) is starting to get a green tinge. Weird.

On another note, I've decided to pledge one night a week for me time. I'm going to take one night, and leave the confines of motherhood for two hours or so...most likely I'll wind up at a coffee shop or book store. The time will hopefully be peaceful, rejuvenating, and worthwhile. Not gonna lie, I'm pretty excited.

Pre-little man, I never realized how valuable alone time can be. I'm not talking alone time after little man is in bed. I'm referring to alone time that is unrestricted and unconfined. Time where I can do this or that, and not have to worry if someone has to go potty. It amazes me how the simple things in life can be so amazing, but so complicated.

Since pledging time strictly for myself seems a bit selfish, I'm also pledging one night a week for special little man time. No tv (unless we're watching a movie together) no telephone interruptions. Just the two of us.

Don't get me wrong, I try my best to give him attention every single night...but I feel like now is the perfect opportunity to make our family bonds a bit stronger..and what better way to do that then to commit my undivided attention to him once a night :) Wish me luck, I don't think it's going to be as easy as it seems!!

Scars

I have the butterflies today..and I can’t really figure out why. Well..I have some ideas, but I’ve been unable to pin point the exact cause of my giddiness. I think I’ve begun to see my life in a different light. I do deserve love. I do deserve to be happy, with a man in my life. I am not going to count myself out of the running. I’ve got my chin up, and a big silly grin on my face. It IS possible for me.
**********************************************************
The Crush that apparently broke me:

I was in high school, and I think it was my sophomore year. He was tall, a grade ahead of me, and very good looking. His smile melted me. I was experiences a true school-girl crush.
The funny thing about me in high school was I didn’t crush on boys very often. I was very athletic, so much so that I always buried myself in athletics, leaving little to no time for crushing on boys.
My friends and I decided to go to the hockey game. If memory serves me correct, the winner of the game went to the state tournament (which is a pretty big deal in Minnesota). The band was there, the stands at the Coliseum were packed with students and parents.
About ten rows ahead of me, there he was. Sitting with his upperclassmen friends. Laughing. Having a great time. And there I was, sitting with my friends. Pretending to watch the game, but constantly staring at him hoping for a bit of reciprocation.
In between periods I glanced to find him, and he was nowhere to be found. I sat silently, wondering where he had disappeared off to…and then I felt a tap on my shoulder.
“You really need to learn how to stare.”
It was him.
I was completely embarrassed. Mortified. Hurt. Frustrated. You name whatever negative feeling that comes to mind and I was probably feeling it.
**********************************************************
Yes, we all experience moments in high school that are awkward, uncomfortable, or even hurt. Looking back, I can see why a circumstance like this would leave me with a deep scar. The funny thing is, I never realized it until a complete stranger said a few key words that helped me look back on my life and reevaluate what I deserve, and what I need to let go of.

I still have my doubts about clairvoyance, but I am so thankful I took the plunge and allowed myself to experience an Extreme Love Makeover.

Today, I am happy.

Radio Flyer

Rewind to last Wednesday: It was the usual boring commute into work. Traffic was moving, no complaints there. I found myself listening to the radio, dancing to whatever jam was playing at the time. The morning show returned and they started talking about inviting single people to the station to talk with Gary Spivey. Apparently, Mr. Spivey is some renowned psychic, of which people pay big bucks to talk with.
Being single, and having a rocky year in the life of dating, I wanted to call just as much as I didn't want to call. Who wouldn't want free dating advice from someone who can apparently see the future? At the same time, why would I want personal information spewed into the ears of thousands of strangers...let alone people I KNOW who might listen to the radio.
After having this conversation with myself (out loud, of course) I decided I was going to call the radio station. Once. If the call did or did not go through, I was alright with it. I dialed in, and the phone rang. The station answered. I gave them a brief synopsis of my horrible online dating history..and before I knew it I was on the air speaking with the morning show, telling them why I needed an Extreme Love Makeover.

Fast Forward to this morning: I had to be to the station by 6:45am. This meant I had to wake up, make myself look presentable, get little man to daycare, and fight traffic....It was early, but I did it. I arrived at the station on-time..and before I knew it, found myself in the radio station speaking with the infamous morning show and Gary Spivey.
I learned a few things about myself, and it was a fun experience all in all. Am I a huge fan of clairvoyance? Not necessarily. Did I hear some things from Mr. Spivey that made sense? Of course. Would I pay for a psychic reading in the future? Unlikely.

Fast Fast Forward to a few seconds ago: I've been listening to the radio all day (which I don't normally do...I usually get too distracted and irritated that they play the same five songs OVER and OVER again...it's quite nauseating). They have another contest going on...It's basically the memory game. There's a memory board numbered 1-40. You pick two numbers, and each number is assigned a vacation. If you guess two numbers, and they are matching trips, you win that trip. Kind of cool, right? No I didn't win a trip..but I tried calling in just to see if I'd get through, AND I DID! My guilty conscious made me hang up the phone before someone answered. I think 2009 is the year for me to enter contests on the radio. Getting through four times in two months is pretty crazy, especially considering I've gotten through on the first try every single time!!

TGIF

It's Friday. Thank GOD! I'm looking forward to this weekend. Lounging around watching the DVR, seeing some great friends, relaxing and MAYBE even cleaning (don't hold your breath on the cleaning, because I wouldn't want you to suffocate).

My weeks have been chaotic, fun, stressful and tiring. I'm looking forward to my weekends more and more!

Do you have any fun plans or things you are looking forward to this weekend?

Lets get WILD!

I went out in public last night without a toddler (yes, you guessed it, I left him in the car with the window cracked JUST a little...I mean, it's really cold out, I wouldn't want him totally freeze out! hehe, jk). But yes. Me. Out. In public. Sans little man. I was SUPER excited.

I was invited by a friend to go to the Wild game. As it turns out, a lot of people I knew were at the game too. I happened to randomly run into two co-workers, my uncle, and two friends. Kinda weird considering. Even more bizarre that they were all sitting in the same section as us.

ANYWHO. As we were sitting in our seats, I decided to share a story. I was telling the three people I was with about my most recent radio call-in experience. I'll fill you in on the deets a bit later. As I was telling the story, I realized how difficult it is to talk with a group at a sporting event. At a hockey game, there's no music while the game is in play. However, the second play stops, the BLAST something really loud. So loud, it's almost as if they're telling you to STOP TALKING NOW AND WATCH THE GAME.

What did I do because of this? I decided to talk loud during my entire story, just to make sure my friends heard what I was saying, and to spare repeating myself. I only noticed how loud I was actually talking towards the end of my story....the people three rows in front of me kept turning around to see who the loud-talker was. Yup. It was ME! :) I felt embarrassed for all of two seconds, then finished my story, and continued watching the game.

p.s. The Wild won. It was a FANTASTIC game. I'm so happy I was able to go!!!

Clarification

When your boss walks up to you and says "you look better today" is that supposed to be a good thing? Ha. I think it's funny.

My life is teetering on the edge of insanity. I'm fairly certain I'll either become the Queen of Sheba OR I'll end up in a room full of padded walls with all of my shoelaces taken away.


Personally, I'm hoping to be crowned.

You see, on top of my random spurts of intense ADD, I've been struggling with little man's old daycare. The center is claiming I owe them over a grand. While I will openly admit I'm not the most fiscally responsible person on the planet, this claim is absolutely absurd, and it has been driving me CRAZY.

Yes, I've filed a complaint with the Better Business Bureau.

Yes, I've utilized the Employee Assistance Program and have had a free sit-down consultation with a lawyer.

Yes, the director of his old daycare is STILL DRIVING ME NUTS.

Agreeing with a favorite blogger of mine, I refuse to apologize...but really wanted to explain my current happenings without crossing any lines.

Does anyone know a good hit man that's affordable they could send my way? Kind of kidding....Kind of.

The Looney Bin is Calling My Name.

Perfectionist.

Control Freak.

Over Analytical.

These are a few reasons why I('m):

1) Freak out when I'm told that I'm making errors.
2) Single.

Last week was extremely rough. I'll try not to drag it out, but in a nutshell...
I thought I was on top of my game. I was feeling very comfortable with my newly assigned tasks since our latest layoff. I had cut back on my internet sluff-off time, and was focusing on work (because I needed to). I was feeling so comfortable that I actually sluffed off more than I have in a long time last tuesday.

Wednesday came around, which greeted me with a sick little man and my period.

Once Thursday was here, I was then told by my boss that she is losing trust in my work because I was making multiple errors. I guess the girl who thought all was fine and dandy was effing up. Crap.

I have the utmost respect for my boss, so when I feel like I've "disappointed her" it feels more like I let my own parents down...You know the "talk"..."I'm not mad, I'm disappointed"...yeah, that one.

Friday couldn't have come fast enough...Then, I effed up a memo to our tenants. I was so flustered with how my week had gone, the second my rediculous error was pointed out to me I broke down in tears.

I enjoyed my time away from work this past weekend...but the catch-22 is I love my job, love my office, and have loved going to work since the first day I started here. The atmosphere has been great. The people have been kind and easy to work with.



Yes, I've been horrible at writing and commenting lately...maybe if I get back to my regularly scheduled morning posts, I will clear my head enough to actually focus during my day. It's worth a shot!!