Some days are great, others are not...but no matter what twists and turns I encounter, you can be sure I'm going to write about it!

Wednesday, February 18, 2009

You've got to be kidding me.

I skidded twenty feet through a stop sign on my way to work this morning. Thank god there were no other cars around. I don't believe I slid through this stop sign because of the glare ice between my tires, but rather because I am extremely distracted and distraught this morning.

I'm not sure if you remember my declaration to not date in 2009. Then, this happened, and I realized I was not giving myself the chance to find a great man to date if I wouldn't allow myself to date.

That being said, I lined a date up for last night. I met the guy through a friend. The connection was ironically made on valentines day, when myself and two friends were hanging out, and I had them go onto facebook and find me a guy to date. It was quite comical, but by the end of the night we had spoken on the phone, and I was pretty giddy about the entire situation. I found out through my friends that he had a tainted past, but figured I wasn't one to judge. I'm obviously not perfect (read: I'm a single mother who has never been married).

I took it as a great sign that he called on Sunday night. I informed him of having a child, since I don't believe having a little one in your life was/is something to hide. He said it didn't bother him, in fact, telling me "your little guy needs to come first." It was a very heartfelt statement. I hung up the phone on Sunday night, with a coffee date lined-up for Tuesday, and a smile on my face.

Tuesday afternoon rolls around. He accepts my friend request on facebook at 4:31, and at 4:48 he calls my cell cancel our date scheduled for that evening. He claimed to have food poisoning, and I'm not doubting that he did (unless, of course, he had happened to eat at the same Olive Garden as I did, I digress). I just felt in my mom-gut that the timing of all of this was extremely suspicious.

Now, I know I'm not Megan Fox.


That's more like it:

I'm more like Sarah Plain and Tall. A girl who is simple. I love to laugh, love spontaneity, and wants people/men to want to get to know me. I am extremely over guys running from me because I have a child. I am NOT ASKING THEM TO BE THE FATHER OF MY SON. I'm the parent. They should be SO LUCKY to get the chance to actually meet my little man. Seriously.

I turned to a west coast buddy for advice. After all, he's a boy, and the same age as I am. I'll be honest, I turned to him because I needed someone, anyone, to say "I agree, that was bullshit." He didn't say that. What I gathered from his words are guys don't want to date single mom's because they aren't ready to be a parent....almost like the "It's not you, it's me" excuse.

Example: "Tracy, I think you're cool, but I don't feel comfortable dating a woman with a child. It's not you, it's me." Do ya smell what I'm stepping in?

Let me be blunt and call out a loud BULLSHIT. I wish I could empathize with this "reasoning," but it's chalk-full of crap. Does the fact hold true that I'm a single parent? Yes, but I refuse to be lumped into a group of SINGLE PARENTS. We don't have diseases (at lease I DON'T have diseases), we don't have scales under our clothes. We are sensitive individuals who just so happen to be lucky enough to have skipped the initial step of finding true love before having a child. Honestly, I'm really no different from your average jane who doesn't have a child. Can people, family, friends and the like please stop lumping me into this stigmata? I'm not a stigmata, I'm a person who has feelings wants to date AND DESERVES TO DATE just like everyone else.

I know some people don't agree with me...and to those, I wish I could put you in my shoes for a day to see how demeaning and frustrating peoples' actions towards me really feel. I doubt you'd ever want to date again if you experienced what I've gone through the past year.

P.S. Today is the anniversary of this. Go effin figure.


  1. That sucks. I am sorry Stacy. I've dated guys with children and it didn't bother me in the least. Do you think its easier for woman to date men with kids, than it is for men to date woman with kids? My inital thought is whats the big deal? It shouldnt be an issue.

  2. Actually it's people like you who were the reason I was willing to date guys with kids when I started dating again. I don't want to be a mom right now, but I know that single dads can be just as awesome as non-dads and I didn't want to rule anyone out.

    I wish more guys would figure that out...

  3. It's lame especially because he wouldn't own up to it. Don't say something isn't a problem if it is, you know? If you limit yourself like that, you could miss out on someone great. Someone like you. It's his loss. Seriously. And the thing is, the right guy will be ok with it. If he's not, no use spending any more time or energy thinking about it. I know, easy for me to say!