Happy Sigh.

Ever have one of those dreams where you're left completely disturbed? I totally had one of those on Friday night.

It was about my good friend, and her wedding that was to take place on August 29th. I won't lie, the dream was so disturbing I didn't tell a single person about it.

How did the actual wedding on Saturday go?

Perfect.

Although the weather for the outdoor ceremony was slightly on the chilly side, it was an absolutely perfect day.

Good people. Happy tears. Crazy-fun dance moves. Memories of pure happiness that will be ingrained in my head and my heart for the rest of my life.

Too Good, or Not Good Enough

If I was asked to label myself as a pessimist or an optimist I would almost always declare myself an optimist..ya know, a glass half-full kinda gal.

While doing some laundry last weekend, I found myself with a mixture of both pessimism and optimism, and I can't decide what to do about it.

OF COURSE it has to do with my (lack-there-of) dating life.

What, exactly, was nagging me?

Simple:

Whenever I talk to my friends about wanting to date they always respond with this fun tid-bit...."I don't know anyone I'd want to set you up with...none of the guys I know would be good enough for you to date." My friends are good people, with great morals...of course I (mostly) trust what they're saying.

...but then the little devil on my shoulder quietly whispers in my ear "really, YOU'RE the one not good enough for them! MWHAHAHAHAHAHA!"

I know, I know...I'm a good person. I do the best job I can with little man. I have a job (which is totally a bonus, considering I could milk the system and stay at home with little man...but my conscious would NEVER allow me to do that).... I'm also flawed.
I've got a minimum of 40lbs to lose. My face never seems to stay clear of blemishes (much like that of a 13 year old girl...grrr). My credit needs significant improving. When I PMS I am literally a biz-natch on wheels.

SO peeps...How can I come to a clear concise conclusion that I've yet to meet a guy good enough for me VERSUS me not being good enough for the guys I've met (and my friends have been too kind to actually say that to me).

Ah-CHOO

The season of watery, itchy eyes and an equally uncomfortable nose is upon me. Late Summer allergy season. Gross.

The year of 2009 has brought me many new experiences, and Allergies.

It all started for me last spring. I don't know if it was my old age that finally did me in..but come spring time this year I felt like Hell had enveloped me for a solid week. My eyes were watering so severely that it looked as if I was crying.

I caved in and went to the doctor. Thankfully, I was given allergy medication (a nasal steroid {which always makes me chuckle when I say I'm on steroids} and an oral medication {which ALSO always makes me chuckle...I'm SOOO MATURE}).

I only took the meds for a couple of weeks, and slowly but surely was able to function normally without them.

and then BOOM! Last Friday rolls around and my symptoms were back! I knew a full blown allergy attack was upon me, but I played the denial card for a couple of days. I started taking my nose-roid on Saturday, and still haven't caved in and taken my oral (does that make you laugh too?? My maturity level revels that of a sixth grader).

All in all, I'm still surviving...but SERIOUSLY! Seasonal allergies blow goats.

Part Cuatro.

Emily said...
This sounds like fun... I might do it too. In the meantime:

What is one thing you take for granted in daily life that would make things impossible if it disappeared?

What's the best part of your day? The worst?

I think the one thing most people take for granted daily, myself included, is having a safe place to sleep at night, and food in their kitchen. It's the simplest luxury, and I know my life would be different if I was uncertain where my next meal would be coming from or if I would be able to find shelter come nighttime.

The best part of my day, without a doubt, is the morning time. Here's how it goes down. I typically set my alarm for 5:40-ish...and hit the five-minute snooze about four times. Sometimes, little man crawls into my bed around 5am, and snuggles in...Sometimes I get the pleasure of waking him up. Either way, the first time we see each other in the morning we both smile. It's lovely.

The worst part of my day is usually the car ride home from little man's daycare. I know his days are long, and he's a bit demanding in the seven minute car trip. My patience is intolerably low. It's quite unfortunate, but I'm thankful the ride is only seven minutes!!!

Part Tres.

sky girl said...
Most embarrassing moment?

Hmmm....Wow, thinking back I've had MANY embarrassing moments. Not many have fun, elaborate stories behind them.

There was the time the kid I had a crush on was told so by a classmate when I was young...At the time, Wayne's World was a popular movie. The boy was told that I thought he was "hot, shawing" and then was told that's exactly what I said (which it WAS exactly what I said...but he didn't need to know that).

Then there was the time in high school when my pants ripped down my arse seem in the middle of an Emergency Medical Technician class I was in. Yeah...that did a great deal of help to my already suffering self esteem.

The classic "I have to go big stinky mom!" in the middle of a public place could almost be counted as embarrassing...but then I look at little man and I laugh, interpreting the situation as adorable instead of mortifying.

Sidebar: I taught little man to say "Hey Bachelors! Mama's single!"...When the day comes and he actually says that to a random guy walking down the street will most likely be the day I have my most embarrassing moment. I should definitely start thinking before I teach my son fun Toddler Tricks.

Strange at it may sound, it's quite a challenge to recount all of the embarrassing moments in my life. I tend to block things out of my memory, and embarrassing moments are high on the list of "just forget it and it will be like it NEVER HAPPENED!"

Part Duece.

doahleigh said...

Do you prefer a bikini or a one-piece swimsuit?

What size shoe do you wear?

Are you a hat person?

Let me first start out by saying that I HATE swimsuits. Sorry...but I do. That comes along with having a poor self image, and spandex? Really...who LIKES spandex? Not this chick!!
That being said, I currently wear a two piece suit that looks like a one piece. It's totally a mom-suit that's trying to be hip (which I guess is fitting considering me...haha). It's a black and purple halter (that shows WAY TOO MUCH boob cleave) with black shorts with a skirt overlay..that's right, I wear a skirt bottom...Seriously, you try having a kid and becoming addicted to Coldstone Creamery your third Tri and you'll be wearing a skirt too...trust!

My feet have been referred to as ski's on many occasions. I wear size 10 shoes. I've been told by shoe guru's that size 10 is the most common size in the U.S...I'm not quite sure if that's true or not! I think I only know one other girl with the same size shoe as me. You know what they say about a girl with size 10 shoes???? Me neither!

Am I a hat person? Yes and no. I really like wearing stylish hats...but don't have many in my closet. I'm known for hat stealing/borrowing though. I'll also voluntarily wear a Twins cap to a ballgame.

The first couple answered...

Mandy said...
Where do you see yourself in 5 or 10 years.

If you could change one thing that would completely alter the course of your life as you know it today, would you?

Hmmm, let's see here. In 5 years I see myself with an EIGHT YEAR OlD BOY! Oh my god..I need a Xanax! (kidding...about the drugs of course).
If it were up to me, I would be happily married, expecting my second child. I would live in quaint house, and be Susie-homemaker. Aren't dreams great?
In reality, I will be single, continuing to struggle getting my life squared away. I think I'll have wrapped up school, and will also be in a different position but hopefully at the same company I'm currently at.

...FYI, that was poorly written because I have a really difficult time trying to figure out where my life is headed. You'd think it wouldn't be that difficult of a question!!

If I could change one thing that would completely alter the course of my life, I would move out of Minnesota. I would land somewhere with about six less weeks of winter..but a place that still would have a white Christmas. People are people, no matter what state or country you reside in..this i know. I just have a feeling that I'm not meant to settle in Minnesota. I don't feel like I belong here for some crazy reason.

Not only would a move alter my life, but it would alter little man's life. If I end up moving, I would feel the most comfortable moving before he enters kindergarten...which would only give me two years to get my act in order.
Generally I'm one to go where the wind blows me...but lately, I haven't felt much wind. Maybe life will start blowing around again...maybe it won't. For now, I've dedicated my focus on being happy and healthy.

What's that you say?

I'm struggling to find blog-spriation today (haha, "blogspiration" reminds me of perspiration...Can you tell it's my first day back in the working world after a long weekend? I digress.)

At the risk of being lame, what would y'all like to know? Anything. Just ask. I haven't quite decided if this is a positive trait or the like, but I'm pretty much an open book.

Ask away peeps.

Period. The end.

Of the few photographs taken of myself and little man together...this one is absolutely my favorite.



It was taken at the end of baseball season last year, on the actual metrodome field. I was sitting at home on a Sunday, and decided the two of us would go to a baseball game...just the two of us. No added adult to keep me company, just myself and my little man.

I was scared. I didn't know how I would manage to take a toddler to a game without an adult by my side to help me out. Yeah, I might sound like a huge baby, but between parking, getting to and from the ball field, watching the game...That's a lot for one person to handle, let alone one person WITH a toddler in tote.

Sundays are kid's day at the dome. We sat in the upper deck, and cheered for the Twins. We ate peanuts and hot dogs..and sipped on a root beer together. It was a perfect day, and it was just the two of us. After the game was over, the kids in attendance have an opportunity to "run the bases." OF COURSE little man was going to have that same opportunity, even though he was only 2!

Ya know, I don't even remember if the Twins won that day, but here's a few tidbits from that day that stand out strong in my mind:

1.) We survived the entire experience with a smile on our face.
2.) It was just the two of us...and it was still amazing.
3.) The smile on little man's face while running around the bases was PRICELESS (Although, I don't have a photo to prove it because mommy had to run with him because he was only two, and a bit intimidated...to be quite honest, I probably had just as much fun as he did..hehehe)

I never imagined I would be raising a child alone. It's a job I rarely get a break from.

No more running to the grocery store at 10pm for this chick.

Having to ask complete strangers to take your photo (as was the case in the picture above).

Trying to figure out if I can REALLY afford to go out because I have to weigh the cost of a babysitter into the cost of the movie, or the dinner tab.

I said it yesterday, and I'll say it again today. I'm in a great place. Yes, there are daily struggles that get me down. Yes, I have more stress in my life than I would like. All of those things cannot compare to the complete and absolute joy I am faced with every morning I get to wake up knowing my little man is loved...and knowing that my love for him CAN compare to the love that two parents would give to a child.

Period. The end....or is it just the beginning? I can't be too sure.

I'm Thankful.

I'm thankful when the sun rises.
I'm thankful for starry nights.
I'm thankful for my health.
I'm thankful for little man.
I'm thankful for my job.
I'm thankful that I can read.
I'm thankful that I can laugh.
I'm thankful that I have no shame belting out a song while driving in my car.
I'm thankful that I have amazing people in my life.
I'm thankful that I care.
I'm thankful for the ability to feel.
I'm thankful for every step I'm able to take.
I'm thankful that I have a safe, warm place to sleep at night.
I'm thankful for the food in my cupboards.
I'm thankful being me.

I'm in a great place right now. I have many freedoms others don't. Sometimes I'm very hard on myself, but today I have decided to put my negativity aside, and enjoy life. Period, the end.

Let it Snow.

Dummy Ass.

Those were the two words uttered by my (near) 3.5 year old on the way to daycare this morning. As I sat in my car, wishing I could get in little man's face to look him in the eye and remind him that words like Dummy Ass are naughty and inappropriate, I opted for the next best thing....Telling him he would go straight to bed or have his toys taken away if he continued to make poor language choices (yup, I'm one of "those moms").

Before I could finish my sentence, little man interjected and asked "Mama, do you have a Dad?" I felt frozen like a dear in headlights.

Was he trying to distract me from his poor behavior? Maybe.

Was his question pure and from his heart? Possibly.

I swallowed, took a deep breath, and was truthful with him.
"Yes honey, I have a Dad."
He immediately responded with "Why?" and the best I could come up with was "Well, it's just the way it is."

I have no way of knowing how his little brain interpreted my half-arsed answers. I could tell his little gears were grinding.

For the last 24 hours I have been asked a million and two times when Christmas was going to come. "Is it Christmas, mom?" "Now is it Christmas?" "Mom, it's Christmas?"

Following our morning discussion, and my lack-luster answers, little man asked if it was Christmas time. He mentioned he'd really like for Santa to bring him a Robot.
I don't know what his obsession with Christmas is truly about.

Speaking from experience, Christmas always seemed like a magical time to me. It wasn't magical because of presents...honestly. Christmas is magical because it just is. Although it's only August, I wish there was a way to harness the Christmas spirit right now....It sure would make life a little bit more sweet.

People are Crazy.

How does one feel before they conquer the world? Well, I'll tell ya.

Nervous.
Excited.
Slightly overwhelmed at the minute possibility of failure.

Most of all, I feel like it's about damn time. (please excuse my extremly cryptic messages...I guess I'm also becoming slightly self sensoring in my old age)

With each life experience that passes me by, I've slowly opened my eyes to the acceptance of change. I've been able to comfort myself knowing that I'd welcome change rather than living an unfulfilled life, be it personally or professionally.

An awesome friend and blogger recently referred to the phrase "God is great, beer is good and people are crazy." I'm totally digging that phrase right now, except the spoon fed catholic inside of me would rather say "Life is good, beer is great, and people are crazy!"