About once a month, I am overcome with thoughts of dislike towards everyone. Towards my friends, my family, and coworkers....Even towards Justin Timberlake. I've heard this could be linked to PMDD, but who knows!
The weird thing about when these moods that happen, is the feelings are so intense. I'm sure I send out mixed messages, but I don't feel comfortable addressing them with people out loud (no matter how close I am with the person/people). It's very personal, very private, and very difficult and embarrassing to deal with.
Over the years, I've heard people say "people who are true friends will stick with you even when times are tough" but how tolerant are people when times seem to be tough all of the time? I'm not whining, or complaining, just stating a simple fact. Life seems to be continuously challenging for me, no matter how many smiles I plaster on my face. I am always dealing with money issues, family issues, personal trials and tribulations. The road bumps in my life don't seem to be scheduled for repair anytime soon (and if I keep coming up with analogies to explain myself, I might end up hugging a toilet! haha).
Long story short, I am notorious for wearing my heart on my sleeve, even when my heart feels injured. Yes, actions speak louder than words, but during these times of difficulty, (cough::most notably on or around the first of the month::cough) my words are clouded by my emotions. I'm sorry.
4 days ago