Why is it so hard for people to get over and move past break-ups? I am so confused.
A little backstory:
A friend of mine from college had been dating/engaged to a guy for a few years. The past six months of their relationship have been nothing but lies, and back-to-back issues. The straw finally broke the camels back almost a month ago, and their break-up process began. What gets me is how back and forth she has been. When we talk about how horrible he had been treating her, and how much better off she'll really be, she seems very clear in the head...but when I ask her what she did the night before, she tells me she let Him come over and spend the night. I don't know why this is bothering me so much either. It's not my life, it's hers. Maybe I'm just urked because I sat back and let this loser get in the way of our friendship for so many years...and now that they're "broken up" he's still getting in the way. Maybe I'm irritated that she's not following through with what she's telling me (in a way, it almost feels like she's lying to me since she goes around doing exactly what she tells me she's NOT going to do).
I.just.don't.get.it.
Can someone please explain to me why she is acting so nim-whitted? Where should I draw my "friendship line" of morals and say enough is enough? How much of this "saying one thing, and doing another" should I tolerate?
Maybe I just need to take my own advice and get over it.
4 weeks ago
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A person in love has a hard time breaking out of a bad relationship. It's easy, it's comfortable, even though it may be bad...it's still something. Plus, there must have been some good in there, somewhere, and you hold on to that good, hoping this bad patch will pass and you'll get back to the goodness. Especially when you've been invested for an extended period of time, it's hard to walk away from all that history. Even years later, facing that can be difficult.
ReplyDeleteEven though I should have ended things, I stayed in a relationship for over 6 months longer, we'd had re-curring problems throughout almost our entire 5.5 years together. It was very difficult to leave that situation, and took me multiple tries and enormous heartbreak to do so. I'm much better off now, but it was still difficult. I felt like I was breaking my own heart, even though I was immensely miserable in the relationship.
Your friend may need more time to gather up the strength it takes to walk away from her relationship. If/when she does so, she's going to need all the friendship and support she can gather. It's a huge life-change.
i get your frustration totally, but here's my advice: i have to definitely second angie. i've been there, too, both in a relationship for too long and vice versa. it's hard. but she needs you. don't bail now. reserve your judgment best as you can--remember, it's a lot easier to make that opinion when you're outside the relationship--and hope like hell that she figures out what really makes her happy in the end. you'll probably be feeding her ice cream and handing her tissues soon enough, and then she can move on and be happy. or, maybe they'll figure their sh*t out and be happy together--and you'll be sorry if you've aired every opinion you have of it.
ReplyDeleteI agree with angie and Willikat. You can't say anything. You just have to be there for her. If you say something it could quite possibly ruin your friendship, and it seems like she needs you right now.
ReplyDeleteI gave my opinion about my bff's relationship, and while she took it all in stride and stayed my friend, she very easily could have told me to go to hell. I would've been devastated. But I thought I was doing my "duty" as her bff. I wasn't though, my duty is to be supportive - through thick and thin.