I Did It.

Deep breath in.
Deep breath out.

I tend to be fairly spontaneous in life. Earlier this week, I decided it was time for me to high tail it back to school. I think I'm officially crazy.

The program I found would fit my schedule (read:online courses only).

I took the leap, submitted my application, and now it's just a waiting game. My biggest fear is getting turned down for financial aid (read: CRAPTASTIC credit).

I'm doing my best, and my best is all I can do. I'm happy. I'm excited. I'm scared as hell. I'm giddy.

The waiting game has begun...Keep your fingers crossed for me!!!! -K- Thnx.

Tid Bits

I've felt like my muse has temporarily left me...so how about list, eh?

- I'm still on my Kind Diet. I've slipped up here and there, consuming processed sugar, or even cheese on two occasions...which, to be honest, I felt as if I was being indulgent, but I also realized I didn't NEED to be eating it. All is going great! Here are my favorite dishes thus far...comment or message me if you'd like a more detailed description!

*Savory Cranberry Cous Cous
*Out of this world stir fried veggies including broccolini, carrots, asparagus and bean sprouts
*Killer Fried Rice
*Sweet Potato and Lentil Soup

- I'm still single, and I'm still alright with that. Sure, it's fun and exciting to explore new relationships...but I've got my hands full, and I've very glad I can acknowledge this.

- Anything you'd like to hear more about? Once my muse returns I'll be sure to post more regularly...Until then...keep being awesome!

My Kind Diet

I decided to extend my vacation by one day since my flight was due to arrive at midnight. While sitting at home, recovering from a great trip, I happened across Oprah.

She was discussing a documentary called Food Inc. Honestly, I didn't watch Oprah from start to finish, but what I did see completely moved me. I've heard about things that take place in terms of animal cruelty..but there's so much more to it than that. Needless to say, I rushed out that night and purchased Alicia Silverstone's book The Kind Diet. I would highly recommend it. I'm not trying to stand on a soap box, I swear!!

I haven't consumed meat and have consumed extremely little dairy since this past Friday. I guess you could say I'm detoxing my body. I feel invigorated in the kitchen, and a sense of peace with every delicious meal I've eaten. I think it's a sense of pride knowing that not a single animal was harmed to fill up my stomach...and also a sense of pride knowing how good the food I've been putting in my body is for me.

I've never experienced a body detox before. With it being day 4 of my "detox", I think I'm doing alright. Not too much gas, but a little. Not too many sugar/meat cravings, but a little.

I've offered most of the food I've made to little man, but he's mostly scoffed at it. There was one instance when I made a sweet potato lentil stew that he took a bite and literally said "oh my gosh, I can't believe it. It's just so good!" but then a minute later told me he didn't want to heat because his heart didn't like it. So yeah. Does anyone know of any 4 year old-friendly vegetarian/vegan recipes??

Grounded.

I woke up this morning, and decided to treat myself and little man to breakfast (read: we had just returned home from vacation and I hadn't been to the store yet, and REFUSED to go to the store on an empty stomach).

Simultaneously, he was waking up and rubbing the craziness of the previous night from his eyes. Stretching out, waking up, he was preparing to go out into the world, free, happy, and content. He would be heading to the beach to bask in the sun. He would be going to work, followed by debauchery and good times.

When I have moments where I can escape from my reality and take a "vacation" I usually stop and think "wow, this is the life I want. This is the life for me" (read: I was a month from moving to NYC after a visit...but then I found out I was preggo).

Picking up and moving across the country has always felt glamorous to me. It is something I want to do, and might end up doing some day. Today, I guess I'll stay put. Looking at little man is reason enough for me to keep my roots grounded.

..if only I could get my thoughts of Him out of my head (read: hottie I exchanged a few words with while on vacay...). If only.

Day 3

We woke up bright and early, doused ourselves with sun screen, and set out for Sanibell Island today.

It was AWESOME. Chilly, but AWESOME! I couldn't believe all of the seashells...plus, the moment we made it onto the Causeway, I spotted the dorsel fins of some dolphins swimming in the bay...Have I told you it was AWEOMSE?!

We spent the morning combing the beach, and wound up with a ziplock bag full of different seashells.

For lunch, we stopped at a nook called the Lazy Flamingo. I had a grilled grouper sandwhich (it was delish), and little man had a hot dog (surprise) which was served on top of a frisbee that he got to keep...it was pretty cool.

At noon, we went on a sea creature boat ride. Not ten minutes into the ride, we spotted a pod of bottle nosed dolphins. It was so amazing to see these creatures in person.

For dinner we checked out a place called BoneFish. I thought it was unique to this area, so I asked the server. As it turns out, it's owned by Outback Steakhouse...and there are 150 nation wide. Although it was super unique, it was EXTREMELY delish. I had chilean seabass, with an organic garbanzo bean side, and some augratin potatoes which were heaven on a plate. I also tried a coconut cream pie, and whoa boy it was good.

Day 2

Today we had tickets for the 2010 Spring Training Home Opener for the Minnesota Twins. The weather was set to be sunny and 67-ish...the perfect weather for an outdoor game! We piled on our Minnesota Twins gear, and headed out the door...but just before we left I pulled out our tickets to stare at them in excitement when GASP! I HADN'T BROUGHT THE ACTUAL TICKETS!!!!! What did I bring? Tickets for Twins Fest (which we hadn't used back in January...).
I felt like a COMPLETE TOOL! Baseball was one of the main reasons for coming down here and I managed to muck it up by forgetting the tickets.
Instead of letting my stupidity ruin our day, we found a Target (which always manages to cheer me up...go figure). After some retail therapy, we headed to the ball park to see if there was anything the ticket booth could do to help me out....they swiped my credit card and actually reprinted my tickets for me!! I was so happy, I almost started crying then and there.
The ballpark itself was beautiful. It was amazing to see the boys in action so up close and personal...plus, a kid I graduated from high school with actually got some playing time...I wish I could say I knew him well, but at least I can say that I know him (although, I'd bet money he doesn't know me..hahaha).
Our lunch was held at the stadium...hot dogs, popcorn and peanuts.
For dinner, we walked next door to our hotel to a charismatic place called Mel's Diner. It was fun, but the food was only alright.

Day 1

Okay...So I know vacation recaps can be kind of boring to read....but I'm not going to apologize, because this is about me wanting to preserve my thoughts while they're fresh in my head..thanks.

Day 1:
Awesome flight. Little man even snoozed on the plane!
We found our hotel without any issues, although we needed to kill a couple of hours before our room was ready...so we ventured up the road to Perkins for some lunch, and then to the local Walmart for some snacks. (Not going to lie, the Walmart was old, run down, and was NOT a good first impression...And I totally over bought snacks, I digress).
After we checked in and were settled, we set out on a mini adventure and found the coolest park EVER! It had an awesome play area for little man, and a really cool board walk for some awesome nature sight seeing. Dinner was had at a local eatery called Bahama Breeze, where little man and I split grilled salmon, green beans, and Cinnamon sweet potatoes.

FINALLY...

Thanks for taking the time to read my previous post. It was pretty dark, but my motivation was stemmed from the thought/belief that by sharing what I have survived, maybe someone somewhere will hear my story and feel like they will survive through dark times too.

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So...I'm FINALLY FINALLY FINALLY on vacation. It only took a bit of insanity for me to book this trip...but I did it, and right now I'm in Florida, soaking up the chilly sun...hitting up MLB Spring Training and being as much of a Jersey Chaser as I can possibly be! MWHAHAHAHAHA.

Of course little man had to come down with his first case of Strep Throat on Monday...ya know, just to make things interesting. He's on meds, and the timing actually worked out since he was able to take antibiotics for a few days before we took off.

If I get a moment I'll try to post a vacation update...but if I forget, I'll be thinking of you for the next week!

My Escape.

We met in February, and it was lust at first sight.

The relationship was intoxicating. I knew he had a troubled past, but my heart had faith things would be different with me. I could make him change.

I didn't allow myself to see or acknowledge his drug use. I didn't allow myself to see his temper. Although he never hit me, I saw his volatility...especially when he drank....and drink he could. Jack was his flavor of choice. Once his body was filled with the poison, he would snap and throw his weight around with people he called his friends.

I saw him get into screaming shoving matches.
I saw him kick doors in.
But I didn't really see him.

It wasn't until one spring night, just four months after our tumultuous relationship began, that I allowed myself to see his true colors. He arrived at my house late and had a cold look in his eye. I had been sitting at home, watching television. He knocked, and I let him in. When it was obvious to me that he was trying to pick a fight, I asked him to leave. My proclamation of independence was enough to push him over the edge. He wouldn't leave. He took my phone. His eyes were so cold and completely wild, and I had never been so afraid for my life. I tried to physically push him out of my house. Since I couldn't call the police at this point, I knew I needed to find a way to get from the second story duplex (read: my home) to my car.

Could I jump out of the window? Maybe.

It was then that he had tore open the screen to my entry way window, unlocked the dead bolt, and kicked in the door chain. He threw me on my bed, covered my mouth and demanded me to stop crying. I did, and when he let me stand up and asked me what MY problem was, a light bulb went off in my head. I knew I needed to act psychotic to escape..and act psychotic I did. I created an out, grabbed my keys, and darted out of the door to my car.

That night I drove to my mom's house. The next morning I filed a restraining order. Two weeks later I found out I was pregnant.

Some might look at my story and think "Why didn't you open your eyes and just LEAVE?!" or think I opened my eyes to see his dark side a month too late.

I don't look at it that way.

My son is an absolute blessing. He makes me see the world differently. He makes me see myself differently. He is the blessing that I needed. He is the best thing that could've ever happened to me.
I share this with you because a local radio station asked people to share their stories about how they broke free from an abusive relationship. I guess I broke free because I finally decided to open my eyes and actually SEE what was going on. I'll be the first to tell you that I was apprehensive to file the restraining order. We saw each other a couple of times soon after it was filed, when I found out I was pregnant. The night I told him I was pregnant, and he decided to go home and get high on whatever drug he chose at the time, then disappear on a four day meth binge was the last time I saw him.

I deserved better, and my son did and always will deserve the best. I broke off all contact going forward, and if I had to do it all over again, I would do it just the same.

Sure, I was scared....but I did it, and I survived.