A bit in shock

Less than a month was all it took to defeat him.

Boom.

The big C struck.

Boom.

Doing my best to emotionally get through today. The next week will be one of the biggest challenges I've faced in 2010...watching people I love deal with heavy hearts, and doing my best to be a shoulder for them to lean on, all the while dealing with my own internal dialogue.

Send me some good vibes if you have any extra to spare.

Jumping in Head First

I did it. I am one paper away from being 100% enrolled in college, with classes beginning September 7th. Damn, that feels great to write down!!!

How do I currently feel?

Well, a bit appalled at how long it has taken to wrap up my debunked financial past to become eligible for financial aid again (and to have my old transcripts released). Sure, in the grand scheme of life, six months isn't a long time...but SIX MONTHS of constant phone calls, letters, meetings, emails...it takes a toll on a person's psyche. At one point, I had almost thrown in the towel and given up, but I didn't. I stuck with it, forged ahead, and here I sit, my first semester's classes nailed down...waiting on one final letter to submit to my new college.

As much as a whine that I live a solo life, I had a lot of support throughout this process, specifically from my dad (which surprised me more than you could ever possibly imagine). Other friends family members have been encouraging as well, and I wanted to throw them an Internet shout-out to say how much it means to me, and how truly grateful I am for all of their kind words of encouragement and support.

I will also apologize in advance for any school related rants that I am OH SO STRESSED OUT that are sure to come in the near future.

kthanksbye.

Hair Raising Question...

I need a little help from my friends.

On Mother's Day, I decided to treat myself to a day at the salon, sans little man. I went for a funky hair cut and added color for the first time in over five years. I wanted something dramatic, different, fresh and single...I left looking almost exactly the same...nothing dramatic ensued, and frankly I was a little bummed.

Maybe I wasn't clear when I was there?
Maybe I wasn't meant to have dramatic color that day?
One can't be too certain.

Feeling a little daring (what, with my cutting sugary drinks sent from heaven out of my diet), I'm going to go back and REALLY shake up my look.

I want your thoughts and suggestions!!

Currently I have brown hair that has natural reddish highlights with very subtle blonde streaks left from my last trip to the salon.

Go. Comment away! I'm open for any and all suggestions!

Hello Mr. Coffee.

In an effort to shake things up a little in my life…I’m boldly going where I’ve sworn I’ll never go. People, I’m drinking coffee without sugar or cream.

(Insert gasps, screams and jaw dropping expressions here)

The first sip shocked my bitter taste buds. I almost threw up my hands in defeat and killed my coffee with the forbidden sweeteners….key word: almost.

After the third sip, it really wasn’t as bad as I thought it was going to be. During my food revolution the past few months, I’ve been trying to be as conscious as possible about what I’m actually fueling my body with. Throughout my process, I neglected to pay an ounce of attention (haha, no pun intended) to the sweetened beverages that I pour down my throat almost daily.

Regular soda, vanilla latte’s, white chocolate mocha’s (be still my heart!). You get the picture.

I’m not saying I won’t indulge on said sweet treats…what I’m saying is I’ll only indulge on them once or twice a month instead of daily (and at the very least give it my best attempt to cut back). I love my body too much to keep polluting it with unnecessary processed crap.

The Big C

Cancer. The big C. I hate it. Hate, hate, hate, hate, hate it.

While I was vacationing in the great outdoors last week, I learned a family member was diagnosed with Stage 4 Cancer. As I sit here, typing out my thoughts, tears are welling up in my eyes. Honestly, I hadn't cried once until this moment. It's all too surreal, death and mortality.

I think that I'd been denying my grieving process, instead revelling in shock and denial the past week.

In the face of the big C, my uncle has been amazing...although I haven't had the opportunity to speak directly with him, I've kept up on his status via a caring bridge website. He (and this is a direct quote) "doesn't want sympathy because it is between shit and syphilis in the dictionary." What a great way to look at life, especially considering.

All I want to do is hug little man, and curl up under my covers. I wish I could find a lighter side in this ugliness...I'm sure I will eventually, it's just right now I'm clouded by my own emotions. I've lost too many loved ones in my life. I try to live each day as if it were my last, but that's damn near impossible some (most) days, because as much as y'all think I'm perfect, I'm far from it.

I know, in my heart of hearts, I'll eventually find solace in this situation....It will take time, and patience (which, newsflash, I have very little of)...but I will survive. My family will survive. Life will go on.

Yesterday is history, tomorrow is a mystery and today is a gift...that is
why it is called the present.

The Great Outdoors

2010 has been a treat thus far.

Last week, I was fortunate enough to spend time up north, at my Uncle's cabin. It's located 3.5 hours northwest of the cities...nestled on a small/medium lake.

As a child, I spent a lot of time at this cabin. Exploring the woods, fishing off of the dock, taking the row boat out to the island and pretending it was my own little oasis. They were great times, and I was extremely ecstatic to grant little man some of the same memories.

The week started out with a bang. We rented a pontoon for a few days, and anchored on the sandbar. The sun was out, the eagles and loons were letting their presence be known. Could you ask for anything more peaceful?

The only day it rained was a day I had planned on running errands, since I had only intended on staying up north for a few days instead of an entire week.

Oh, and let it be known, we also went to the local turtle races (don't be jealous).

It was a nostalgic week for me. Relaxing and just what the doctor ordered.

++++++++++++++++++++++

After spending some time up north, I've brainstormed a little bucket list for the remainder of 2010:

• Go canoeing on the St. Croix - it's something I've always wanted to do...any takers?
• Take a day trip to Duluth and go down the Timber Twister - I saw a news story about it, and it looks like an absolute blast...again, any takers?
• Explore one more state park before the winter frost sets in
• Schedule a couple of hours at the spa - because I'm worth it.

Do you have a bucket list going for yourself? Do you have any suggestions for mine?