A new endeavor...

I wasn't kidding you when I said 2010 has left me with a hair up my bum. In fact, on January 2nd I birthed an idea....

Here's what I've been working on

Yup, I'm trying out a different platform.

Please, if you have a moment...stop by and check the site out. It's different. It's new. It's fairly raw. It's me.

I'm still posting on here, as the other site has a theme that I'm challenging myself to stick to.

Hope everyone is having a great day!

Happy Sigh.

Today, I am happy.
Some would call me crazy...but if you knew me, you'd already know I'm all sorts of crazy.
The past few days have been whimsical. It has snowed in my neck of the woods...the first time in seven years we've had snow this early, and it makes me smile. Granted, I don't have many negative repercussions in terms of snow. I don't have to shovel or plow. I'm allowed the joys of kicking back, watching the flakes peacefully fall, and soaking it all up.
Since the first measurable snow came so early this year, it melted ALMOST as fast as it poured down. The air outside was warm while the flakes drifted down..unlike December when the air is generally VERY cold and frigid.
Some are claiming that summer went straight to winter...but they're overlooking the fact that September in MN had temperatures consistently higher than normal...if anything, the MN fall has been AWESOME thus far.
This morning, the sun has been shining. The leaves that are still clinging to the trees are glistening. The realization that the holidays are right around the corner can't escape my mind...and I am happy. Happy because the holidays mean seeing people....and people generally make me feel warm and loved.
At the first sight of snow, little man came rip-roaring into my room shouting "MOM! MOM! IT'S CHRISTMAS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" (bless his heart). I had to pull out my calendar to explain to him that Christmas was still a couple of months away...but lucky for me, his excitement was contagious.
I'm not only excited to be around people this holiday season...but also excited to show and teach him the importance and shear awesomeness of giving. Be it to a food shelter, or a toys for tots drive..my goal this year is not to shower him with gifts, but show him how to shower others around him.
So yeah...I'm happy today. Happy for the weather. Happy for my health. Happy for what's to come. Plain and simple, I'm happy.

The Man In The Mirror

I've ALWAYS been a top 40 girl when it comes to music. While a lot of people I know have a much deeper sense of music than me, tune into a top 40 song and I'll almost ALWAYS know the hook.
When I first caught news of MJ's passing yesterday afternoon my jaw was dropped. It's not that I was surprised...I mean, the man has been frail and virtually on his death bed for years.
But it's Michael Jackson.
As crazy as this sounds, the man almost seemed like an entity. Unfortunately, the entity that was Michael Jackson was human. Humans are mortal, and now he's gone.
I feel like the world is pretty damn lucky that he left his music behind...for all of us to jam out to. I mean, really...you could probably listen to MJ all day long and continuously find yourself bopping your head to an awesome guitar riff or a mind blowing beat.
Yes, the man made a million poor choices. Yes, the man was pretty far out there. One thing that cannot be forgotten is his musical genius. As many have already put it, I'm mourning what he was twenty years ago....and not necessarily the man he was in the end.
RIP MJ....rest in peace.

hmph.

Today I feel like I need to do a bit of self affirmations. When I feel like this, I laugh at the memory of Stewart Smalley....because, you know what?
I'm good enough.
I'm smart enough....
And doggone it, people LIKE ME.

I'm good enough.
I'm smart enough....
And doggone it, people LIKE ME.

I'm good enough.
I'm smart enough....
And doggone it, people LIKE ME.

I'm good enough.
I'm smart enough....
And doggone it, people LIKE ME.

The End.

He's out there....

He will look at me, and appreciate all that my curves have to offer.
He'll see past my flaws.
He'll shrug off my wacky ideas, and love me because of them.
He'll love my cooking, and he'll love cleaning up after our meals to show his gratitude.
He'll embrace my mood swings, and be patient with me.
We'll get lost looking into each other's eyes.
He'll accept that I always make fun, spontaneous purchases.
He'll cherish my zany, sarcastic personality.
He'll love me for me.

I know he is out there, my soul mate. I'm comfortable not knowing who he is at this moment in my life. I am not going to search outright for him right now. I'm extremely content focusing my time and effort on little man, and maintaining the friendships I currently have. It brings me peace of mind to embrace this level of independence. With my comfort comes an aura of peace that I haven't felt in a while. I don't need him today, and I don't believe I'll need him tomorrow....I am living each day thankful that I have the opportunity to do so.

When he comes into my life, I will be excited to share my good fortune with him. Although it's the furthest thing from a monetary fortune there could be, it's MY fortune...and if I were to sell it today, the dollar amount would be priceless. Honestly, I could never put a price on love, happiness and health.

Five.

The number five has much significance in my life. It's the time I get to leave the office everyday. It's the time I shout out when I need "five more minutes." It's used with little man when he's done something fun or exciting (give me five).

Today, five is a number that knots my stomach and makes my heart heavy. Five is the number of people I know under the age of thirty who have passed away in the last six months.

I'm so tired today, that I don't have the mental ability to focus my thoughts, but I will tell you this:

Cameron, Andrew, Tommy, Dan and most recently Aaron. You are loved. You are missed. You will never be forgotten.

Sublime

sub·lime
Pronunciation: \sə-ˈblīm\
Function: verb
Inflected Form(s): sub·limed; sub·lim·ing
Etymology: Middle English, from Middle French sublimer, from Medieval Latin sublimare to refine, sublime, from Latin, to elevate, from sublimis
Date: 14th century
transitive verb
1: to cause to pass directly from the solid to the vapor state and condense back to solid form
2: [French sublimer, from Latin sublimare] a (1): to elevate or exalt especially in dignity or honor (2): to render finer (as in purity or excellence) b: to convert (something inferior) into something of higher worth

Definition 3: Most amazing band EVER.

Recently, at a party with a bunch of friends, I dragged the Sublime, Sublime cd out of my car for the party to enjoy. It was worth every cold step from the warmth of the house to my car and back. I haven't been able to pinpoint what makes Sublime's music so awesome. Once the cd was in, the volume was blasted and more than half of the party found themselves bopping their heads and shouting out the words.

This morning, I introduced little man to the awe-inspiring tunes of Sublime. Since I haven't decided if I'm going to run for "Mom of the Year" I took the liberty of shouting out non-naughty words when the curse words came across the speakers. Little man was entranced. It was quite a lot of fun to watch him. He even tried singing some words too.

Moments like this make me wonder what the today's kids have to hold onto for music. http://www.guardian.co.uk/music/2009/mar/09/rihanna-may-testify-against-chris-brown Sad. I hope some high school senior has an older sibling, aunt or uncle who shows them the ways of Sublime.

Price Check Please!

I'm honestly bored with dating. I want to find a "soul mate" (ugh, that sounds so cheesy!). The dating pool feels like it has dried up for me.

I've tried networking through my friends...it didn't work.

I've tried the online dating thing....met three guys...I'm still single

I'm not a church girl....so it's not gonna happen there.

I'm at a point where I feel like I need to hang up my dating shoes for a while. Honestly, my dating shoes feel like they have failed me, big time.

So I ask you this....where the hell can I buy a new pair of dating shoes since my off brand kicks have OBVIOUSLY failed me? Thanks...

OH! p.s. I'm a girl on a budget. k-thanks!

Questions and Life

This morning, I firmly believe pandora's box has been opened. While walking little man into school, I reminded him that he needed to hold mommy's hand while in the street. He graciously listened, but then let out a "Why mom?"

I almost peed my pants.

This was his first "Why" question...and I have a STRONG feeling it's not going to be his last.

I don't think I was much of a "why-child", but I know for certain that my brother was. I'll be the FIRST to tell you, it drove me nuts 22 years ago, and I'm convinced it's going to drive me nuts now!

Wow..saying something was bad "22 years ago" really makes me feel old.

When I was in my pre-teens, I remember hearing (on some television talk show) that statistically, if a woman truly believes she will be married by a specific age, her chances of being married when she was that specific age increases. Maybe this falls into line with self fulfilling prophecy...but I'll be the first to tell you that my prophecy was not self fulfilled.

I had always imagined I would be engaged at 24, and married by 26...with my first baby at 28. As a 13 year old, I had my life planned out perfectly. Little did I know I'd be a single parent of a 1yo at 24, still not engaged at 25...and who the hell knows WHERE I'll be at 26.

Although my life hasn't turned out the way I originally planned, I'm quite alright with that. I am a firm believer that good things come to those willing to wait... I've put in my time, and continue to pay my dues. I'm happy, and I think that's all that matters!

Notes from the Heart

Dear Justin,

You've definitely proved to me why you are the hottest, funniest most amazing man.

Love you long time,
Miz

I am Bridget Jones

I feel duped. Why is it so easy for people to find their match, yet so difficult for me to find mine? When I get a glimpse of hope that something is going to work out, I have a door slammed in my face, or a message left that completely cuts things off.

98% of the people in my life are in happy relationships. My circle of friends is rather limited, so I've had to explore more vulnerable options like online dating. For those of you who have never tried this...it's not as easy as one might think.

It's very difficult to open your life up to a complete stranger, and it's even more tough to swallow when that complete stranger decides you aren't worth the time...especially after you (me) go through a lot of trouble to have little man accounted for when we've hung out. I digress.

I'm not saying men have been horrible to me, it's the exact opposite. What I am saying is I am finding it so exhausting to try and weed through guys to find one that will be compassionate and embracing of me, myself and I. It feels like the more I try and open myself up, the more I feel let down when things don't work out.

It's not fun.

It hurts.

If I didn't have little man in my life, I would say I am exactly like Bridget Jones, the tragic spinster version.

I wish I knew what I could do to change this...but for now, I feel my only choice is to cut myself off from dating, and just focus on me and my +1...

Hugs are definitely in high demand right now.

Lovely.

It's official. Fall is here and is going to leave just as quick as it came. The colors in MN have peaked 100%. It's only a matter of minutes before all of the leaves are blown to the ground, covered in frost, then disappear under snow. That's right, I said the "s" word!

The vibrant colors of this time of year amaze me. The flaming oranges, reds and yellows are just about everywhere you turn. I think it's mother natures way of giving us color overload to prepare us for winter, (which is riddled with white, brown, and a yellow you avoid instead of gaze at...).

Once Halloween is over, the holidays are literally around the corner. One thing I am thankful for is having a white Christmas every year. There's something magical about the snow covered decorations that glow in the night. It makes me smile just thinking about it.

However, once Christmas is over...I'm ready for it to be warm out again. That's the only bummer of living in MN: Cold weather that stays about three months too long.

Rainbows and Butterflies.

Black Coffee...I just don't get it. How can a person drink something hot that leaves your mouth with an extremely bitter, unpleasant aftertaste? To me, drinking coffee straight black is like waking up, going down on a guy, and swallowing EVERY MORNING...It just doesn't make sense (that is, unless money is involved, or, they happen to tuck their shirts into their underware...I digress)!!

How do people resist adding sugar and cream/milk? It turns a hot, bitter drink into a smooth, deliciously nutty beverage. The cream and the milk enhance the coffee flavor, so instead of destroying your taste buds, they are treated to hot ice cream. It's genius!

I know people say they were conditioned to drinking straight coffee, just like they were conditioned to drink nasty keg beer in college. Once you grow up, you realize that there is more to beer than nasty bush light...so why don't people realize there's more to coffee like that with sugar and cream/milk? Let me repeat myself: I just.don't.get.it.

I'm now convinced whoever can stomach drinking straight coffee and swallowing in the morning, and also enjoys Bush Light keg beer is a terrorist. Watch out, Georgie Bush Jr. is gonna get ya!

I wonder how John McCain and Barack Obama take their coffee? Now THAT'S a good question!

Fall

For all of you google feed readers out there...I just deleted a post I had written yesterday (and was published about 28 minutes ago). For inquiring minds, I had written it about a dramatic petty silly situation at work that had my undies in a bunch.
As I suspected, after a great night of sleep, my undies became unbunched, and I just didn't feel right about airing work drama via the internet. Sorry! :)

A Couple Things...

I am NOT a fan of waking up when it's dark outside. I mean, really! Mama always said, "Stay in bed 'till the sun is up and shining"...why can't that apply to the working world too??

The weather in MN cracked yesterday, and was BE-A-U-TIFUL! I took the liberty of going on a short 1/2 mile walk with little man. We walked over to visit with a friend, and on the way to and from my little stinker was talking my ear off. I need to force myself to have more moments like this with him. It sure beats sitting inside watching tv!

blurbalicious

I never dry my shirts or pants in a dryer; I hang my shirts to dry in my closet, and drape my pants over the back of my kitchen chairs

I am extremely tough on myself

I think my passion for life is misleading and often times intimidating

Laundry depresses me

...So does dating

Sometimes, I take an opposing side just for the sake of a great discussion

I see the good in people, and am mostly in denial about the negative aspects of people

Little man amazes me more and more each day

Often times, I wonder if broken relationships from the past will ever be mended

I am obsessively narcissistic about my blog. Some days I really want to be funny, others I strictly want to vent...but everyday I constantly check my site stats (kind of sick, eh?)

I have a really thick Minnesotan accent

I wish I had a circle of single parent friends...or even just parent friends that I could relate to and turn to for support

I hate money

I love school/learning

I admire people who can run a mile without stopping

I wonder if I'll ever be invited to play a role in someones wedding

I am almost convinced that I'm addicted to sugar

Tonight is the first time in as long as I can remember that I washed some clothes, and actually put them away in the same night


Those are a few blurbs about me...stealing borrowing inspiration from Cheryl, are there any questions you feel like asking me? Anything, really...Remember, you'll never know unless you ask :) (well, that's not totally true, but work with me people!)

Quack Attack

Lately, it feels like all of the people I know are trying to get their ducks in a row. I am trying to do the same, but I feel like my ducks are of a different breed. Theirs consist of organizing finances to return to grad school, planning a wedding, doing remodeling projects around their homes, etc. Mine consist of paying off large amounts of debt, struggling with a decision about returning to school to achieve my first degree, reorganizing my finances so I can afford either of the previous (plus afford to pay rent, my electric bill, and buy groceries), deciding if buying a house is truly plausible for me, settling on a school district for little man to call home, all the while keeping my home life stable and happy.

I really don't know how I'm going to get these duckies to line up. Thinking about it makes my head begin to throb. I try to live my life taking "Baby Steps" (ha, no pun intended), but I feel so overwhelmed with my exotic and burdening ducks, I can't figure out which baby step to take first.

Blah Blah Blah...I'm a whiny baby. I wish I could find a duck wrangler who would willingly help me either a)win the lottery, or b)line my ducks up whilst creating the lease amount of grey hairs on my head as possible.

Thanks Baby Boy

Dear Little Man,
The past week has been a whirlwind of emotions. Some amazing, some not so much. In all, it has reminded me to cherish you even when you seem to go out of your way to upset me. Somehow, you manage to make me smile when smiling feels like an impossible feat. I love that about you. Like how you looked at me early Monday morning, and without prompting, smiled and told me I looked pretty. This was the first time you've ever said something like that to me. It was exactly what I needed to hear. Thanks baby boy.
Lately, on the way home from school, you've been in a semi-serious mood. I wish I could capture your facial expressions on camera. They're adorable (and I'm not just saying it either...they are equally as funny as they are cute, I promise!). You tell me something, like "I want fruit snack mama" and then pout your lips out, have a serious brow, and shake your head. It almost looks like you have convinced yourself of a brilliant idea, and I would be crazy not to go along with it. I've found myself laughing at this expression on more than one occasion. Thanks baby boy.
You seem to be a potty-trained master. As much as it drives me nuts, it's very entertaining to race you to the potty when we walk in the door in the afternoon. Mommy always seems to have the urge to go..and your little man feet never fail to scurry behind me while you proclaim "NO MAMA!! I GO POTTY!!" This past week, you've started to take my poor bladder into consideration. When I hear "Your turn now mama!" I can not resist a smile from the way you are using your "toddler manners". Thanks baby boy.
Tomorrow, mommy will have been at her "new job" for exactly a year. You've endured countless early mornings, many long days, followed by random nights filled with errands here and there. I try my best to have at least one quality moment with you each day. The sounds of your giggles recharge my batteries, and reminds me why being your mama is so amazing. Thanks baby boy.

I love you from here to the moon, and back again!
Mama

Dreaming a good Dream.

I fully understand and believe that dreams are not meant to be interpretted literally. On that note, I am going to go against the grain, and hope the dream I had last night literally becomes a reality sooner than later. I won't bore you with the details...just know that it involved me and my famiy, a real estate agent, and my grandmothers house (which was sold a good fifteen years ago...).

Heartache-filled Void.

"I want my daddy." The words feel like a a dull sword slowly slicing away at my heart. I try to tell him he has his mommy...and that his mommy loves him very much. I make every attempt to reassure him of this. My heart aches for the void he feels. I wipe silent tears from my eyes. I wish things were different.

Fair Time

On Sunday, I ventured out the the MN State Fair. The weather was perfect, and although I meant to go at 1pm, I couldn't wait..and ended up walking through the gates at 11. It was just as I had remembered it to be. Crowds of interesting looking people swarming over a free show here, and some greasy food on a stick there. It was lovely.
The difference this year from years past, is I went alone. Of course I had little man with me, but I was lacking the company of an adult. The conversation, the extra stomach to share all of the fried food with. It was different. Not bad, but different (and a bit challenging when you're pushing a stroller without a cup holder, maneuvering two ears of roasted corn and a cup of soda...I wouldn't recommend it!).
The day was equally liberating and lonely. We were able to catch a few minutes of a dog show, and ride a couple of things in the kiddie park right off the bat. We divulged in some garlic fries, and guzzled down water.
We had great seats for the parade, and saw the U of M marching band preform...They're extremely entertaining! I think the highlight of the parade for little man was Santa Claus in a jeep...he was one of the only little ones around, and was shouting "HI SANTA!" repeatedly at the top of his lungs.
Towards the days end, we made it to a free stage where my coworkers band was preforming. They were awesomely entertaining! Little man thought so as well, and shared his "moves" with the crowd. He ran to the front of the audience and literally boogied his little toddler bum away. I was laughing to tears, and wish I owned a video camera so I could share it with the world!
It was a Fair of new experiences, a taste of the same yummy goodies, lots of laughs mixed with snippets of feeling overwhelmed. The Fair was just what I needed. I am glad I went, even though lacked an extra stomach.