Single Parenthood.

I feel like this is a bold, bold statement...but sometimes I think I make single parenting look damn good.

Let me be the first to tell you that being a single parent has presented me with an intense list of con's that have weighed heavy on my heart. Here's a pro, and a con;

Pro:
I do (and deal with) everything alone - the only resistance I'm met with is my own subconscious (and that of a 3.5 year old).

Con:
I do (and deal with) everything alone - No second opinions for this chick. No ulterior way of handling an intense situation.

Coincidence that they're pretty much the same? I think not.

I'll venture to say I'm stubborn..and I RE-FUSE to let the con's prevent little man from experiencing a well-rounded childhood.

I came to the realization that I make single parenting look easy when I was browsing some pictures I had uploaded to shut your face facebook.

I have pictures of the two of us on the field of the Metrodome, of us ice skating at the excel center, of play dates at the park...Almost every single photo I've taken of myself and little man have been taken by strangers. I tell you this only to shed some light on my situation. Is it easy to ask a stranger to take a picture of you and your son? Nope. But it's worth the (slight) embarrassment to capture our moments together. By no means is this a pity party...just a small glimpse of my reality.

I know I've written about my struggle to remain an individual apart from being a mom...and in doing that, I haven't truly disclosed what I go through as a single mom. Sure, I write about little parenting things, about how I get frustrated when little man acts up...or how I feel like I don't fit in as much with my friends who don't have children...and don't forget my struggles to make friends with other parents...Maybe the majority of my thoughts are over shared musings because I yearn for someone to share the sweet (and bitter) moments with. All things considered, I get that I'm a "mom" now. I think know that it has been a change for the better.

I believe in "damning the man". If someone doubts me, I love proving them wrong. Maybe I feel like I'm doing a good job because I know how difficult the last three and a half years have been. I know I've had choices. I could've given up at anytime, but I didn't...and ya know what? It hasn't been easy. I've shed MANY a tear. I've laughed off much frustration...however, the struggles I've been faced with (and continue to face every single day) are absolutely worth it.

Questions and Life

This morning, I firmly believe pandora's box has been opened. While walking little man into school, I reminded him that he needed to hold mommy's hand while in the street. He graciously listened, but then let out a "Why mom?"

I almost peed my pants.

This was his first "Why" question...and I have a STRONG feeling it's not going to be his last.

I don't think I was much of a "why-child", but I know for certain that my brother was. I'll be the FIRST to tell you, it drove me nuts 22 years ago, and I'm convinced it's going to drive me nuts now!

Wow..saying something was bad "22 years ago" really makes me feel old.

When I was in my pre-teens, I remember hearing (on some television talk show) that statistically, if a woman truly believes she will be married by a specific age, her chances of being married when she was that specific age increases. Maybe this falls into line with self fulfilling prophecy...but I'll be the first to tell you that my prophecy was not self fulfilled.

I had always imagined I would be engaged at 24, and married by 26...with my first baby at 28. As a 13 year old, I had my life planned out perfectly. Little did I know I'd be a single parent of a 1yo at 24, still not engaged at 25...and who the hell knows WHERE I'll be at 26.

Although my life hasn't turned out the way I originally planned, I'm quite alright with that. I am a firm believer that good things come to those willing to wait... I've put in my time, and continue to pay my dues. I'm happy, and I think that's all that matters!

Do You Hear Me?

I love my son, but I loathe toddlers! Let me explain.

Toddlers just.don't.listen. And what's even more nerve wracking about this, is they hear what you're saying, AND understand you..but they don't care. And they're so darn cute that your frustration levels never push you into a rage, because they look at you with their big eyes and their munchkin giggle. It's almost enough to drive a grown adult insane. Really.

Lately, when I make requests of little man, like "Come on, let's get your jambo's on" I am countered with him IGNORING ME. It's only when I tell him I'll pick him up, or not let him put his jambos on that he perks up and acknowledges my existence.

When I call him on his ignorant defiance, he immediately counters with "I listen mama...I LISTEN!" and proceeds to pout and produce an amazing look on his face that never fails to make me feel guilty. Sometimes, I think he's in cohorts with the devil himself....Only because he's so darn manipulative, and he's ONLY 2 and a HALF!!!