I still feel like poo...Hopefully, with a couple more full nights of sleep, this will pass.

I had a very interesting discussion about sexual harassment with a few co-workers today. Apparently, my boss had been a victim of harassment before policies, procedures, and strong HR departments were in place at a carpet distribution company (this was waaay back in the day). I got to thinking how horrible it would feel to have unwanted gestures of affection sent my way on a daily basis. She had to suffer through notes left at her desk, affectionate voice mails left at all hours of the night, him telling her he was following her home, all the while she was happily married...talk about creepy huh?!
Another co-worker shared a story about one of her employees (also from waaaay back in the day) was a lesbian alcoholic. At first, I was like "why does her sexual orientation matter?" but I went along with the flow, and when the story was over, it all made sense. Apparently, this lady had shown up rip-roaring drunk at a bowling league my coworker was in. The drunkie was making a huge scene, and my coworker pulled the drunkie aside and had asked her to stop...when my coworker went out to her car that night, her windshield was smashed!! Apparently, a few years later, the drunkie went into treatment, and tracked down my co-worker again...basically apologizing as a part of her treatment. My coworker also said that in drunkie's apology, it was made clear that drunkie only hurt my coworker because she loved her....drunkie left after her love-confessed-apology, and was never heard of again.
I thought about disclosing my "little-man's father who was also a coworker of mine and I had to file a restraining order against him but still work 15 feet away from him for a while until I quit because I couldn't handle it anymore" story..but I kept my mouth shut, reserving that story for those who read my blog, and my close friends. It's a personal story, and I wouldn't want my coworkers to lose respect for me, or get the wrong impression. It was a mistake I made when I was young, naive, and thought I knew everything. I am still relatively young, have become less naive (but still have moments of weakness) and know practically nothing about anything.
Have you ever been placed in an uncomfortable working situation? Do you know anyone who has? How did you, or the person you know, handle the situation?

Note: There was also a mini discussion about a guy at my work who was setup by a female (both of which no longer work here) and in turn lost his wife, and job...so it can definitely go both ways!!

Half-Empty or Half-Full?

So far, my day has entailed:

*unintentionally sticking my foot in my mouth by making a joke with a tenant about not being able to hear, then realizing they were wearing a hearing aid.

*coming to the conclusion that I need to stay away from blogger and g-chat during my work days (at least until I can get a grasp on my daily work that has been recently assigned to me)

*feeling like I was hit by a bus and simultaneously have a fifty pound weight on my chest (which is probably the start of a horrible chest cold, but I have been chugging oj like nobodies business...so hopefully I will avert any/all sickness)

How is your day going? Hopefully better than mine...and mine is ONLY half way over...which only means there is a lot of time for improvement. Hopefully, the date with my pillow scheduled at 8pm tonight will help!!!!

Questions and Dreams...

As we were driving home from our adventure day at the MOA, little sweet Bop asked me "Where is little-man's daddy?" I have been thinking about how I was going to answer this question since the day I realized little-man's father was not going to be in our lives....a question that I still didn't know how to answer...and was hoping I would not have to worry about for at least another year.
After picking up my jaw off of the ground, I told Bop that little-man has many people in his life that love him and care about him...and that I (his mommy) love him so much that it makes up for the fact that his daddy isn't around. She took what I said, processed it, then continued to watch the scenery around us.
I have been thinking a lot about where my life would be if I hadn't fell into a relationship with little-man's father. About where my life would be if I had decided to stay with little-man's father.
Last night, I had a horrible dream. It involved little-man's father. In my dream, he found out where I lived, showed up at my house, and proceeded to beat me to a bloody pulp. Let me clarify, in reality, this man has never left a bruise on my body...we scuffled the night he had shown up at my house high on whatever drugs he was on, but he never physically hit me, (he just scared me to the point where I felt afraid for my life, and that was enough for me to file the restraining order against him three years ago...) I am still a bit disturbed from the feelings this dream left me with. I wish I could interpret dreams, just to ease my mind of any fear or uncertainty...
I know, in my heart, that I would not be where I am today if I had decided to stay with him...if I had decided to compromise my morals and stay with a man who was emotionally abusive, and secretively on very scary and dangerous drugs. I know I am better off on my own, as lonely as it may be. I know I am finding happiness in the simple pleasures of life. I am finding content in the daily hugs I receive from little-man. I am finding peace and serenity in my surroundings.

Good times...

Here's a little taste as to why I laugh so much at my life... (sorry about the sideways pic. it was too funny not to put up, but i couldn't flip it for whatever reason!!)




1) Little man is OBSESSED with wearing my shoes around. Heels or no heels...he clink-clanks around, happy as a clam.
2)Isn't he a little ham? I caught him lounging one night, and couldn't resist a quick snapshot
3)Cousins who love each other....so much so that they were giving each other rides on that little car...
4)He found an old art project, and tore the stickers off and put them on his face...so creative!

Pick a Little, Talk a Little....CHEAP CHEAP CHEAP!

Talk, talk, talk...If you don't personally know me, I'm sure you can gather from the frequency of my posts that I like to talk. Some days, I talk just to hear myself, but for the most part, I talk because it is something I enjoy doing...a lot. I think I can consider talking an addiction which I don't think I will quit anytime soon. Whenever I am in the car, I especially feel the need to talk to someone. Since little-man HATES car rides, he is usually either yelling at me, or pouting in the backseat...so what does a girl who's addicted to talking do? I pick up my cell phone and start dialing just about anyone and everyone I THINK will talk to me. About ninety percent of the time, I get peoples' voice mail (to which I am going to tell myself it's because they are busy...but I highly doubt that is the case!! lol).
Tonight, when I was driving home from M's house, I lunged for my cell phone to fulfill my addiction. This time, I stopped myself from dialing. I think I am getting to a point where I want to stop talking, and just spend time with someone. I want to encompass the silly old country song that says "you say it best when you say nothing at all." It's a weird and lonely feeling that I am not used to feeling. I love my friends and the people in my life, but I am yearning for just a little bit more. (HA! It took less than a week for me to contradict myself!!! TOLD YA SO!). No longer am I yearning for someone to listen to me, or for someone to talk to me. I am yearning for companionship. For something more powerful than just a friendship. I know some of my friends have found this, and I am completely happy for them...but when is it going to be my turn? I am sick of waiting. I am sick of trying. I am sick of throwing myself "out there" and coming home with nothing to show for myself...not being one step closer to finding that person to share wordless evenings with, but feeling one step further from my hopes of a companion.
Rejection is really hard to digest. I know I am mostly to blame for some of the rejection I have experienced...but that doesn't make it any easier. I wish there was an anti-rejection tablet you could take after a bad date, or a night when you "hope the guy is going to call to hang out again but doesn't"...I would sarcastically say alcohol is an anti-rejection drug, but I don't think it's that easy.
Does anybody have any ideas for me as to how I can make things better? How do you handle rejection? How do you get through lonely nights when all you want to do is spend a wordless evening with someone special but don't have anyone to turn to?

**Bonus points if you know where my title is from! :)

When it rains...I pour...A couple more

My g-ma was a raging alcoholic since the tender age of 33...supposedly (according to M) that is when her mother passed away, and she decided to numb her loss with E&J. I will never forget her, sitting in her chair, with a low-ball glass full of E&J and a lit cigarrette...
M drinks on a fairly regular basis. In fact, she reminds me of what my life would be like without little-man around (drinking/going to the bar at least four times a week). She mainly sticks to beer, but also hankers for a margarita, and has even been known to do shots of tequilla or rootbeer barrels. Some people would say "it sounds like you've got a cool M" which I won't disagree with...but there's a time and a place to have an alcoholic beverage, and I highly doubt semi-hardcore to hardcore drinking four nights a week is interpreted as cool when you're almost 50.
I worry that she has followed in my grandmothers footsteps. I don't think she has been in a "non-stop drunk state" since g-ma passed away, but her habbits are not age appropriate, and definitely leaning heavily towards the path of alcoholism. I don't dare speak with her about this because she is more stubbon and hard-headed than I am.
I know a sign of alcoholism is also denial. I know my g-ma denied her drinking until the day it took her life. I know M and others in my family had multiple interventions to try and break up the intense relationship between g-ma and E&J. I don't want to be put into the same position as M was, and be forced to have interventions with her for the sake of her liver, but I have a sad feeling that day will come...
I've been extremely crabby today. The thought of alcoholism entered my mind, because all I want to do is leave work, and go to the bar. The only friend I am looking for goes by the name of Honeyweiss...I wonder if I will walk down the path of alcoholism. It scares me because the last thing I want to do is put little-man in the position where he feels he has lost his mommy to a liquid demon. I don't drink often, and I don't need to get drunk when I go out with friends. I just enjoy releasing stress and kicking back with a brew. Is that being an alcoholic? I am totally confused. I also have the responsiblity of little-man that is keeping me at home 90% of the time. Isn't it ironic that I love little-man to the point where I don't mind being at home most of the time, but when I really feel the NEED to go out, it is because I feel like I need to escape his suffocating toddler behavior?

SPKP

Lately, my two year old has been pushing my buttons so much, that I have contemplated donating him to one of those corner clothes drop-offs (the thought has only crossed my mind twice in the last twenty-four hours...gimme a break, he's a tough cookie!). My cousin told me those drop-off sites only accepted clothes, to which I responded "he'll be in clothes, doesn't that count for something?" In reality, I love little-man. In reality, he will grow out of this nasty phase of life before I know it. In reality, I take his actions too personally...
Instead of referring to little-mans current behavior as the "terrible-two's", I will refer to it as his "sour-patch-kid-phase." Little man exhibits extremely sour behavior, then becomes very sweet...just like those silly sourpatch kid commercials. Hopefully the "spkp" will not last longer than a year, but with my luck, it will continue until he's out of the house and graduated from college!
~~~~~
The only thing on my agenda for this weekend is laundry, and some quality time wiht little-man and bop. I swear, I have about 15-20 loads to wash and put away...I'm.Not.Excited! I'm sure there will be something crazy that happens. If and when it happens, I'm sure I'll write about it! Happy Friday!