Friday

Friday Friday Friday. Just about the only thing I've enjoyed lately is going to my job. It still manages to provide a safe environment for me. I am so thankful.
Work has been a bit chaotic...but I've come to recognize it as a peaceful chaos. In past positions, I found myself getting easily bored. In this position, there is always something new that is thrown my way. A new challenge I can take head on. People asking me their opinion, and me reaching out to get their opinions. It is a place of professionalism. It is a place I am not ashamed to call my second home.
At the office, we're sometimes very similar to a big family. We share laughs together. We get serious when we need to be. We sometimes fault and talk about one another...but the maliciousness passes faster than it lasts (thank god for that!). The camaraderie surmounts most offices I've come across.
Even though the past week (give or take) has thrown me its curve balls, I believe all things happen for a reason. I believe my reason for finding this office was to give me hope for my future (particularly my professional one).
One thing I've learned the hard way in the past year and a half, is you can't control everything in life. What life's lesson's has reminded me of is what I do have control over. I'm glad work has given me something to be positive about....
Please excuse the lack of coherency in this post. I really have had a long week...and I'm writing this WAY past my bedtime!
Happy Friday!

Hmph.

About once a month, I am overcome with thoughts of dislike towards everyone. Towards my friends, my family, and coworkers....Even towards Justin Timberlake. I've heard this could be linked to PMDD, but who knows!
The weird thing about when these moods that happen, is the feelings are so intense. I'm sure I send out mixed messages, but I don't feel comfortable addressing them with people out loud (no matter how close I am with the person/people). It's very personal, very private, and very difficult and embarrassing to deal with.
Over the years, I've heard people say "people who are true friends will stick with you even when times are tough" but how tolerant are people when times seem to be tough all of the time? I'm not whining, or complaining, just stating a simple fact. Life seems to be continuously challenging for me, no matter how many smiles I plaster on my face. I am always dealing with money issues, family issues, personal trials and tribulations. The road bumps in my life don't seem to be scheduled for repair anytime soon (and if I keep coming up with analogies to explain myself, I might end up hugging a toilet! haha).
Long story short, I am notorious for wearing my heart on my sleeve, even when my heart feels injured. Yes, actions speak louder than words, but during these times of difficulty, (cough::most notably on or around the first of the month::cough) my words are clouded by my emotions. I'm sorry.

I Tried.

I fear my son will grow up without a strong will. I know in my heart how far fetched this is from reality, especially since he is so stubborn headed (not that he gets that from ME or anything..), although, every time I try and sit him on the potty, and he utters the words "I can't do it mama" my heart ever so slightly breaks. I am still brainstorming ways how I can turn his attitude around.

(To to give myself some peace of mind) I've committed to living by example instead of "Do as I say, not as I do." I was presented with the opportunity to donate blood. I am a needle phobic, pure and simple. My mother can rest easy knowing I will never become an IV drug user. I don't freak out verbally, or put on a huge dramatic show when faced with a needle...I just don't like 'em.
My best attempt to view blood donation's bigger picture found me signing up to donate. I was due to donate this morning, and I will be the first to tell you, I was a millisecond way from shedding tears from anxiety.
I took the somber walk to the blood mobile, inhaled a deep breath, and walked in (only to find one of my coworkers looking EXTREMELY pale...). I began nervously giggling, and was asked to step into a small "office" to be asked personal questions. I complied, and shuttered when I was told I was going to have my finger pricked (and it wasn't as bad as I thought it was going to be...). The nurse immediately said she wasn't sure my blood was going to be accepted. She ran it through the machine, and sure enough, I was denied by ONE percentage point. Just my luck eh?
At least I can say I tried...and I have a big red sticker to prove it!

Food For Thought

During the Twins game tonight, I busted little man cheering for the Chicago White Sox and shouting "BASE HIT!" He would then turn to me, and with every White Sox swing of the bat, proclaim "MAMA, HE GOT BASE HIT!" It was amazing to see him enjoying the game, albeit disheartening who he was cheering for.
It made me think about how differently he views the world. I find it awesome how much you can truly learn from a person who comes in such a small package.

Growing Up.

Last night, I was informed by my son, that Special K cereal was too spicy. He's a riot. He knows what spicy means, he knows he doesn't like it. Apparently, he was trying to pull a quick one over on me.
I really think it's adorable to watch little man gain reasoning skills, and develope a personality all his own. He has also taken a liking to say "How bout, mama?" He sneaks this in wherever he can. "How bout dis way mama?" After I confirm it's alright, he does it his way, looks up at me and usually says "I do it :)" (with a big smile on his face).
These moments are precious, but I fear the day (which I'm sure will come all too soon) where he begins arguing with me, instead of being his cute toddler self. I can just picture it now:
"Little Man, we have to leave"
"No, I'm sick and STAYING HOME TODAY MOM"
or
"Little man, DINNER TIME! :)"
"ewwww, I don't like chicken mom. I've told you a million times, I would rather have Spicy Special K's"
Growing up happens all too fast. I think I'll stick with the present, instead of fearing the future for the time being!

Retail Therapy

I've had a rocky morning. I had posted a long entry, but decided it was too painful to myself and others to keep it up...so I deleted it. In lieu of the day I've had, I decided to take little man garage sale hopping. I had ten dollars in my pocket and decided that was all we were allowed to spend. We found some lovely treasures.
A framed piece of art with flowers that will go lovely in my bathroom. A bag full of ten decent condition softballs. Two matchbox cars. A stuffed penguin, and the book One Fish Two Fish Red Fish Blue Fish. I think we got some great deals, considering we ended up only spending five dollars :)
I mailed my second PIF today to Tessa...Go check out her site if you get a chance!
This morning I also finished shopping for my third PIF gift. I am very excited to get it in the mail...I would've mailed it along with Tessa's, but I hadn't had the chance to write a little note for it...Look forward to the package to be getting into the mail soon Sara! :)
Retail therapy was exactly what I needed. Looking forward to the rest of my weekend! Hope you're getting a chance to enjoy the lovely weather!

Falling. PT. The Future.

Generally speaking, I'm not the biggest risk taker. I tend to follow a similar routine from week, to week (at home, at work, and on the weekends). This week felt different to me. I felt motivated to sway my schedule. I did some light cleaning on a work night (which I usually reserve for the weekends). I attempted a jog with a friend. I took the initiative to step outside of the box at work. I gained confidence in the work I was producing that I have not felt in a long time.
Today, I feel like I am going downhill, fast, without brakes.
I don't know why I feel this way. Maybe it's because I found out that during my confident moments this week, I unintentionally neglected a few small details (I tend to be a perfectionist, and get upset with myself easily if I make a mistake). Maybe it's because I almost fell flat on my face when I was dropping little man off at school. Maybe it's because it's raining.
The days seem to be flying by, and instead of me trying to make the best of this moment, I am wallowing in the fact that this moment is not the best. Ugh.
The point, is I don't know why, I just know it.is.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Little man's teacher told me she is ready to start potty training him. She wanted to check with me to see if I was ready to make the big switch to big boy undies. I am, but I am still unsure if he is. I would hate to set him up for failure. I want to see him succeed with flying colors. I know my baby bird has grown feathers, but is he really ready to fly without diapers? I'll be sure to let you know next week! Are you there laundry machine who costs an arm and a leg, it's me, the Potty Training Mom! :)

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

For a snippet of exciting news. I might have found a great guy via ewhatthehellwasithinkingharmony. We are in the final stages of "guided communication"...so the next step would be to meet for coffee. I wonder if he'll suggest we meet at a fast food joint like the last guy did! hahaha. (I'm glad I can laugh at myself!)