Twists & Turns

Life is Good.

2011-05-19T09:14:00.000-07:00

I received the nicest compliment today. A coworker of mine stopped at my desk this morning, and said:

“Ya know, I am so impressed with how much energy and enthusiasm you have with everything you are doing. You are a single mom, you work full time, you are in college, AND you’re coaching your son’s t-ball team…and you always seem to have a smile on your face.”

I was (and am) extremely flattered. My only response to him (besides saying Thank You) was “Well, I guess I’m extremely lucky that I’m doing things with my life that I love.”

And that’s the honest to god truth.

· I am fortunate to go to a job that I love…while I might not always like my assigned tasks, I absolutely love the company I work for, and the people I work with. Almost every day the stress of the traffic on Highway 100 fizzles knowing that I get to spend my day with people who are kind, and whom I have a LOT of respect for.

· I am lucky to be able to keep working towards my life goal of earning my bachelors degree. I have support from both of my parents (in that they are helping me with little man while I have classes), and it’s absolutely priceless.

· I have been blessed with a little boy who has changed my life in so many wonderful ways. He has kept me grounded, and reminded me that jumping in puddles and getting a little dirty. I’ve been graced with generous support from my friends and family, who have embraced my son with open arms, and are just as fond of him as he is of them…another gift that is truly priceless.

Sure, there are things in my life that would make it even sweeter, but I don’t have the time to focus on that. Heck, if anything, I need to reevaluate the lack of communication I’ve had with my friends from being all too consumed with school, work and being a single parent, I digress. All of my energy is being spent cherishing the things in my life that are current and tangible; friends, family, and work. I’m far from perfect, but I’m happy with me…and it feels good.

Needed Change

2010-09-16T11:15:00.000-07:00

Want to hear an interestingly sad statistic? The ratio of the American dollar to the Euro is the same ratio of Men’s vs Women’s pay scales, where for every dollar a man makes, a woman makes roughly $0.75.

Sure, men can work longer hours because most men who choose to have families are allowed to do so.

Sure, women who choose to have families tend to sacrifice time at the office because most women are expected to do so.

Is the professional input of a man's brainpower vs. a women's brainpower really different? I think all people have valuable input in business and in life, and I think it's bogus that corporate America boasts equal opportunity, but is a .25/dollar pay scale difference based upon a sexual organ REALLY equal?

I call BS.

For people out there who don't think the difference is a big deal, go to Europe and tell me you don't feel like it's expensive....after all, 25 cents per dollar spent really adds up.

Just sayin'.
Just

A bit in shock

2010-08-19T07:54:00.000-07:00

Less than a month was all it took to defeat him.

Boom.

The big C struck.

Boom.

Doing my best to emotionally get through today. The next week will be one of the biggest challenges I've faced in 2010...watching people I love deal with heavy hearts, and doing my best to be a shoulder for them to lean on, all the while dealing with my own internal dialogue.

Send me some good vibes if you have any extra to spare.

Jumping in Head First

2010-08-12T10:43:00.000-07:00

I did it. I am one paper away from being 100% enrolled in college, with classes beginning September 7th. Damn, that feels great to write down!!!

How do I currently feel?

Well, a bit appalled at how long it has taken to wrap up my debunked financial past to become eligible for financial aid again (and to have my old transcripts released). Sure, in the grand scheme of life, six months isn't a long time...but SIX MONTHS of constant phone calls, letters, meetings, emails...it takes a toll on a person's psyche. At one point, I had almost thrown in the towel and given up, but I didn't. I stuck with it, forged ahead, and here I sit, my first semester's classes nailed down...waiting on one final letter to submit to my new college.

As much as a whine that I live a solo life, I had a lot of support throughout this process, specifically from my dad (which surprised me more than you could ever possibly imagine). Other friends family members have been encouraging as well, and I wanted to throw them an Internet shout-out to say how much it means to me, and how truly grateful I am for all of their kind words of encouragement and support.

I will also apologize in advance for any school related rants that I am OH SO STRESSED OUT that are sure to come in the near future.

kthanksbye.

Hair Raising Question...

2010-08-06T05:05:00.000-07:00

I need a little help from my friends.

On Mother's Day, I decided to treat myself to a day at the salon, sans little man. I went for a funky hair cut and added color for the first time in over five years. I wanted something dramatic, different, fresh and single...I left looking almost exactly the same...nothing dramatic ensued, and frankly I was a little bummed.

Maybe I wasn't clear when I was there?
Maybe I wasn't meant to have dramatic color that day?
One can't be too certain.

Feeling a little daring (what, with my cutting sugary drinks sent from heaven out of my diet), I'm going to go back and REALLY shake up my look.

I want your thoughts and suggestions!!

Currently I have brown hair that has natural reddish highlights with very subtle blonde streaks left from my last trip to the salon.

Go. Comment away! I'm open for any and all suggestions!

Hello Mr. Coffee.

2010-08-05T07:26:00.000-07:00

In an effort to shake things up a little in my life…I’m boldly going where I’ve sworn I’ll never go. People, I’m drinking coffee without sugar or cream.

(Insert gasps, screams and jaw dropping expressions here)

The first sip shocked my bitter taste buds. I almost threw up my hands in defeat and killed my coffee with the forbidden sweeteners….key word: almost.

After the third sip, it really wasn’t as bad as I thought it was going to be. During my food revolution the past few months, I’ve been trying to be as conscious as possible about what I’m actually fueling my body with. Throughout my process, I neglected to pay an ounce of attention (haha, no pun intended) to the sweetened beverages that I pour down my throat almost daily.

Regular soda, vanilla latte’s, white chocolate mocha’s (be still my heart!). You get the picture.

I’m not saying I won’t indulge on said sweet treats…what I’m saying is I’ll only indulge on them once or twice a month instead of daily (and at the very least give it my best attempt to cut back). I love my body too much to keep polluting it with unnecessary processed crap.

The Big C

2010-08-03T04:06:00.000-07:00

Cancer. The big C. I hate it. Hate, hate, hate, hate, hate it.

While I was vacationing in the great outdoors last week, I learned a family member was diagnosed with Stage 4 Cancer. As I sit here, typing out my thoughts, tears are welling up in my eyes. Honestly, I hadn't cried once until this moment. It's all too surreal, death and mortality.

I think that I'd been denying my grieving process, instead revelling in shock and denial the past week.

In the face of the big C, my uncle has been amazing...although I haven't had the opportunity to speak directly with him, I've kept up on his status via a caring bridge website. He (and this is a direct quote) "doesn't want sympathy because it is between shit and syphilis in the dictionary." What a great way to look at life, especially considering.

All I want to do is hug little man, and curl up under my covers. I wish I could find a lighter side in this ugliness...I'm sure I will eventually, it's just right now I'm clouded by my own emotions. I've lost too many loved ones in my life. I try to live each day as if it were my last, but that's damn near impossible some (most) days, because as much as y'all think I'm perfect, I'm far from it.

I know, in my heart of hearts, I'll eventually find solace in this situation....It will take time, and patience (which, newsflash, I have very little of)...but I will survive. My family will survive. Life will go on.

Yesterday is history, tomorrow is a mystery and today is a gift...that is
why it is called the present.

The Great Outdoors

2010-08-02T08:21:00.000-07:00

2010 has been a treat thus far.

Last week, I was fortunate enough to spend time up north, at my Uncle's cabin. It's located 3.5 hours northwest of the cities...nestled on a small/medium lake.

As a child, I spent a lot of time at this cabin. Exploring the woods, fishing off of the dock, taking the row boat out to the island and pretending it was my own little oasis. They were great times, and I was extremely ecstatic to grant little man some of the same memories.

The week started out with a bang. We rented a pontoon for a few days, and anchored on the sandbar. The sun was out, the eagles and loons were letting their presence be known. Could you ask for anything more peaceful?

The only day it rained was a day I had planned on running errands, since I had only intended on staying up north for a few days instead of an entire week.

Oh, and let it be known, we also went to the local turtle races (don't be jealous).

It was a nostalgic week for me. Relaxing and just what the doctor ordered.

++++++++++++++++++++++

After spending some time up north, I've brainstormed a little bucket list for the remainder of 2010:

Go canoeing on the St. Croix - it's something I've always wanted to do...any takers?
Take a day trip to Duluth and go down the Timber Twister - I saw a news story about it, and it looks like an absolute blast...again, any takers?
Explore one more state park before the winter frost sets in
Schedule a couple of hours at the spa - because I'm worth it.

Do you have a bucket list going for yourself? Do you have any suggestions for mine?

The Simple Things in Life

2010-07-19T12:51:00.000-07:00

Weekends spent with myself (and myself only) are as rare as a 90 degree day in January…in Minnesota.

This weekend spontaneously turned into one of those rare treats. It was a bit ironic that the week that both little man and I were sick was concluded by a weekend spent healthy and solo. Time spent away from each other is chicken soup for both of our souls.

What does a single late-twenty-something do with “free time”?

Hell if I know!

I started by meeting some friends for a pontoon ride on a local lake. Pure bliss. The sun beating down on the water, good company, and cold beverages were medicine for my soul. Sure, I had EVERY INTENTION of being productive at home….but to be able to get up and go, without making sure others have used the bathroom, have Blanket, or are in need of a nap, I digress.

I couldn’t resist traipsing around town, checking out a clothing store that is hell to bring a toddler to. Finding some AMAZING deals. Spontaneously spending my free Saturday night with a great friend from High School whom I don’t get to see often enough. Laughing. Having a few (more) adult beverages. Dancing to live music. Sleeping, uninterrupted.

My weekend was filled with a million simple things most single child-free people take for granted. It was blissful. It was calm. It was perfect….However, my heart prevailed and I was damn happy when life returned to me and little man. We might not live life to the beat of a single person’s drum, but I honestly do love the beat we live by.

It's been a while.

2010-07-13T07:32:00.000-07:00

I have been extremely out of touch with this little corner of the internet...and I have zero excuses...well...except for the fact that life has been getting in my way.

Work life.
Family.
Friends.
Traveling (nothing huge, just a camping trip here and a trip to the cabin there....OH! I can tell you about CAMPING...exciting, right? Yeah yeah yeah...just bare with me!)

So...I got a little bug up my rear and decided I was going to take little man camping. Sure, I'm a girl who loves to wear a dress, but I am never afraid to get dirty. I had all of the supplies I'd ever need:

Tent
Air Mattresses
Car adapted pump for said air mattresses
flash light
swiss army knife
cooler
wicked awesome campfire starting skills
sleeping bags
bug spray
sunscreen

You get the point.

Because this was such a spontaneous idea, I planned on going to a State Park, but wasn't able to make a reservation...I was winging it.

OF COURSE that weekend, well, the particular friday we were set to leave, HUGE tornado producing storms were destined for my state park of choice. I was pretty bummed out until a little light bulb went off in my head that, duh, there are over 100 state parks...I could just head the opposite direction of huge said storm. Go me.

So, instead of heading north, I headed south. A very small voice inside of me shouted "southern MN has been TORNADO ALLEY THIS YEAR...SERIOUSLY" but doggone it, I was taking my little man camping if it was the last thing I did.

As we headed out of town, it was raining so hard you could barely see 10 feet in front of your vehicle. Little man thought it was awesome....all I could think was that I hoped it would stop raining by the time we got to the park (unbeknown to me, the highway we had been driving on flooded a mere 15 minutes after we had left town, I digress).

Friday night we really lucked out (weather wise). As it turned out, two huge cells were north and south of us...but we managed to set up shop in an area that avoided the danger.

Saturday morning came. Breakfast was had. We hiked to a small waterfall. Little man played on their small playground for a bit. We settled down for an early afternoon nap....and was woken up by the park ranger telling us we were under a tornado watch until 10pm that night.

Awesome.

In a nutshell, a call from my father at 7pm to warn me of a nasty storm headed in my direction was enough for me to pack up the site within 40 minutes and head home. We were only an hour out of the cities...I didn't want to press my luck two nights in a row. Life is too short to be taken out by a giant oak tree because I HAD TO GO CAMPING.

All in all, camping was a success. There are things I would do the same the next go-around...and things I would improve on. With the state parks sticker on my front window, I'm confident there will be at least one more trip in our near future.

Life is good.

2010-06-01T08:05:00.000-07:00

There was a thick, rancid smell as I opened my front door. It was the first time the door had been cracked since early Friday morning, and the fuzzy strawberries and stinky bowl of pasta were strong reminders that I didn't have time to clean up before rushing up north to enjoy the long weekend.

Growing up, we'd spend a lot of time 3.5 north of the cities. It was (and still is) my uncle's cabin. It's the place where I learned how to drive a boat, bait a hook, remove a fish from my line, play tag in the woods, and enjoy everything nature had to offer.

This past weekend, I was able to share my Uncle's cabin with little man. It was his first time fishing. His first canoe ride. Countless hours were spent hitting a plastic ball off of a tee, chasing around butterflies with a net, and soaking up heat from our campfire. Words truly cannot express how thankful I am that I was able to afford him those experiences. I look forward to our next cabin excursion...the three and a half hour drive each way is worth every minute.

Breaking Monotony

2010-05-26T08:15:00.000-07:00

I feel as if my life is in a bit of a groundhogs day slump. Monday through Friday, I wake up, get myself dressed, get little man up and on track to get dressed, apply makeup and attempt to make my hair presentable, continue to beg little man to get dressed, threaten little man that I'm going to leave without him if he doesn't get dressed, plead for little man to get dressed, race out the door to work, spend time at work conquering one task after another (yes, I'm a rockstar), race to pick little man up from daycare, quickly brainstorm a dinner idea, follow through with said dinner idea (have I bored you to sleep yet?!?!), bicker with little man about bed time, then proceed to melt into the couch in a pathetic attempt at unwinding and clearing my brain.

Does that "schedule" sound as gross to you as it does to me?

The catch-22 is I love my life, the company I work for, where I live, and my son. Love, love, love. I'm fortunate that I love all of these things...but I still feel like I'm stuck in a boring monotonous rut. I need to break free, switch things up a little...preferably with things that are low-no cost.

My geeked out garden has been a great distraction...Gardening is solitary. I'm a social bug, and recharge by communicating with other people.

Any suggestions?

I'm tempted to try and take a random half day, grab a cup of coffee out in the sun, mentally debug my head, and possibly tackle some much needed and long overdue laundry. Maybe that will free up some of my funkiness (?)

Dear Today,

2010-05-25T09:27:00.000-07:00

I quit.

Miz.

Garden Update!

2010-05-20T09:26:00.000-07:00

I'm completely geeked out about my vegetable garden this year!! As of this past weekend, I've officially planted everything that my little heart has desired. Here's what's in the dirt:

four sugar snap peas (one sprouted)
four green beans
one beef steak tomato
one roma tomato
one sweet 100 tomato
three rows of lettuce (all sprouted and coming up beautifully)
one row of carrots, sprouted
one green pepper
one red pepper
one mild jalapeno
four rows of onions, two walla walla, two spanish sweet
two eggplants
one rosemary*

The water source we have is what we can carry over to the garden, as they're having technical difficulty with the spout on the building next to the garden...but I'm ok with the extra effort.

So far, the garden has been an amazing teaching tool for little man. The other day, I asked him what we used to water the garden. He logically responded with water. Then, I asked him if we used soda to water the garden, and he rolled his eyes and said of course not. I posed the question, "Why don't we use soda to water our garden?" to which he had no answer, so I explained how water makes things grow, plants or people...so if he wanted to grow big and strong he'd have to drink a lot of water. The idea has stuck with him, and I couldn't be happier.

*we also have 6" pots of basil and cilantro growing in our kitchen..this summer is going to be fresh and delicious!!!

Times, they are a changin'

2010-05-13T08:24:00.000-07:00

I think back to the days of my early twenties. Life felt forever, permanent. My friends, my activities, what I did and didn't do. I felt like I was in a groove...some of my groove was great, and some was not so great...but it was a groove, and it was mine.

I firmly believe change is a foreign word to a young 20-something. It's a word that you only associate with clothing or your cell phone.

When I was 20, I felt like I was resistant to change. I felt as though my friends, career, school, and life in general wouldn't change because I didn't want it to.

Little did I know.

Change has been a main theme in my life for as long as I can remember, even when I didn't want to admit it.

I've changed apartments
I've changed friends
Friends have changed me
I've changed jobs
Jobs have changed me
I've changed. Period.

Reflecting on how much my life has changed has opened my eyes to how much life for others around me has changed. New jobs, houses, marital status', friends, family additions...you name it.

The same things people laughed at five years ago could be the same things you scoff at today. It doesn't make those things right or wrong...it's just a change in perspective. You can call it "growing up", but I chose to call it just a change....

Some personal changes I've gone through?

Moving, although I've been living in the same spot for over four years now.
Having a child - one of the biggest "tip my world upside down" changes I've ever experienced...and also one of the best things that could've ever happened to me.
Changing jobs - stressful but extremely worth it in the end.
Altering my social life to fit all of the above.

For me, some change has been exciting. Some change has been scary. Some change has been down right tough. To this day, and even at this very moment, I have to remind myself that change isn't bad. It's inevitable....and some change can be absolutely great.

The Single Parent...Part II

2010-05-07T08:45:00.000-07:00

As cliche as life feels, hindsight really is 20/20.

As the years pass me by, and I'm afforded the opportunity to look back on my life choices, it's amazing how much perspective I've gained.

I've been trying to wrap my mind around this single parent thing for a while...specifically, how I could understand non-single parents views of single parents in the dating world.

The other morning, while driving into work listening to the radio, a local station hosted a man-panel. They asked the panel what they felt was a dating/relationship deal breaker, and presented the men with different scenarios....one of which was dating a single mom.

One man on the panel said something that caught me off guard. He said that if the woman acknowledged that they had been in a previous relationship that didn't work, put the child/children first, and were a great mom, it wouldn't be a deal breaker.

The light bulb went off in my head.

See, all of these years (read: four and counting) I've always approached my single parent life as being undeserving because I was irresponsible and wound up pregnant by an abusive, drug addicted man. I thought I was damaged, and that my baggage was far too much for any man to want to date me. I never gave myself an ounce of credit...even when people tried telling me I was a good mom, I'd smile and say thank you..but I never believed it. How could I be a good mom when I don't have a positive man in my son's life?

Ya know what? I AM a good mom. I love my child, and I am making the absolute best with what life has thrown my way. I'm responsible, kind, caring, loving, funny, silly, sweet, and can cook....the total package, really.

The only other reason I've shied away from announcing my son to the world was to protect him. I've feared (and still fear) attracting a man that would be harmful for my son...but from now on I'm going to trust my mom-gut. My intuition to protect my little man is strong...period, the end.

Thanks for all of your single parent input. I know there's still a lot for me to learn about being a single parent, and about other peoples' perspective, but I truly appreciate all of you who've shared your insight with me. It's helped me through some interesting mental battles, and I don't know if I could've gotten there without you.

And to all of you mother's out there (single or not)....stretch out and give yourselves a pat on the back..you deserve it.

Hi, I'm Stacy....

2010-05-03T11:39:00.000-07:00

...But today, you can call me Martha flippin Stewart.

Why, you ask?

Because this chick has planted herself her very first vegetable garden. #boom.

Growing up in the city, my mom would occassionally till some land in our backyard, and plant various vegetables. I loved it. She did all of the work, and all I had to do was go outside and pick a tomato here or a cucumber there if I was hungry. Talk about the life!

Since moving out, I've become familiar with apartment life. Window boxes, gardens, having immediate outdoor access from my dwelling...these were things I was fine living without, because that's the way life is for someone in an apartment (for the most part).

In the past year, there has been buzz around my apartment complex surrounding the start-up of a community garden. While I've never participated in such a thing, I was very intrigued (especially if the cost was FREE*).

This past Saturday, the buzz was turned into a reality. The complex tilled up a 30ft x 50ft section of land, purchased chicken wire fencing, and away we went. Close to 16 people will be participating in the garden. The fence has been placed, and the plots have been sectioned off. I managed to snag plot #7, (in honor of Joe Mauer, duh)....and on the very first day I planted three rows of lettuce (all different varieties), one scattered row of carrots which I'm sure will be a disaster, four rows of onions both sweet and savory, sugar snap peas, green beans, and even managed to sow some marigold seeds close to the fence to deter pesky rabbits.

So far, this has been an exciting adventure. Honestly, I'm not expecting ANYTHING that grows to be edible...but it sure would be fun if it was!

In a few weeks, it will be warm enough for me to plant a couple of tomato bushes, eggplant, jalapenos, and green peppers. I think I'll have an awesomely well rounded patch of veggies at my disposal come June and July...I couldn't be more excited!

*Things in life are never free...although I've only had to invest about $30 for supplies and seeds...I'd say I'm doing pretty well.

Remembering 8.01.2007

2010-04-28T05:47:00.001-07:00

Driving into work this morning, I found myself taking a route I've only taken once before. The sun was shining, and the traffic was moving along beautifully (might I add, there's rarely a more frustrating way to start your day than sitting in bumper to bumper traffic, I digress).

As I drove over a bridge, I glanced down at the river. The river's current reminded me how serene yet powerful rivers can be. I looked up, and saw a traffic sign indicating a lane closure on the next highway I was about to enter, and then boom. No, people, I wasn't in an accident. I was hit with a flashback.

Almost three years ago, the 35W bridge collapsed. I was sitting at a bar a block away from the scene, preparing to go to the twins game with a few friends. The moment we had realized what happened, my heart dropped into my stomach. 35W had turned into a sight one only wishes they see in the movies, however, on August 1st of 2007, the devastation was a reality in Minneapolis.

Black smoke was billowing into the sky, and an eerie silence blanketed the area (well, aside from all of the sirens...but even then, the sirens felt silent). Cell phone lines were bogged down from the number of people trying to reach loved ones to make sure they were alright. Millions of hands were held over mouths in disbelief across Minnesota, and the world.

The rest of the night was a blur, and the only positive feeling that evening was when I was reconnected with little man, who had been watched by a friend of mine while I was supposed to be at the twins game.

The bridge was reconstructed in (what feels like) record time.

I've driven over the new bridge a handful of times since its rebirth, but for me, today was the second time driving over the bridge during rush hour. It continues to be a major traffic artery for the metro area.

I am thankful the city has healed from such a devastating tragedy, but I know one thing....the evening the 35W bridge collapsed is an evening I will never forget.

The Single Parent

2010-04-23T06:13:00.000-07:00

Are you a person who is single, and declares they won't date a person if they have kids?
Why?
Have you dated a person with kids before, only to find out they were a hot mess?
Are you under the impression that dating a person with a child isn't fun?
What gives?

Stepping onto my soap box for a moment, I honestly do not understand why some people openly declare they won't date a person with a child. Just because someone has a child doesn't mean they have scales, doesn't mean they're boring, and certainly doesn't mean they're expecting you to become a parent.

I've come across this road block a few times. Friends have openly told me that they can't think of any guys to introduce to me to because they feel men have a hard enough time committing to someone, let alone dating someone that has a child. I call BS.

See, I love my friends...but I feel like they've got it all wrong, after all, not a single friend of mine is also a parent (whoa, that sounds super judgy mcjuderson..but hear me out). I've also run across "Wants" on some online dating sites that openly state "What a man wants in a woman; Kids: NO."

Sure, kids can be a handful. Sure, kids can slightly limit the amount of spontaneous things you can do on any given night. But kids are amazing. They force you to see the world in a different perspective, even if you're resistant. They can make you laugh even when you're trying to be super serious. They give the greatest hugs. Kids, while at times can bring out the worst in someone, have an amazing ability to bring out the best more often than not. They are grounding. They are energizing. They are simple but complex at the same time. As shocking as this might sound to some, kids are people too.

I can say, with the utmost of certainty, that my child makes me a better person.

...so, tell me. How does having a child make a person undateable? I'm not buying it in the least.

(I guess this is my feable attempt to open up some dialogue, and make me understand (or gain fresh perspective) as to where all of the negativity surrounding dating single parents comes from)

Life can be amazing.

2010-04-16T07:46:00.000-07:00

I was driving to work at the crack of dawn. It was a crisp, beautiful fall morning. Although I live in the city, my drive takes me past a stretch of highway that is desolate. A cemetery on one side of the road, trees bordering a neighborhood/strip mall on the other.

Pop.
Thug.
Thug.
Thug.

My tire had blown.

There I was, stranded on the side of the road. An eight month old in my back seat. A trunk FULL of crap. Cars whizzing by me...and OF COURSE the tire blew on the drivers side...so the cars that happened to whiz by were all of five feet from my back.

I knelt down, but couldn't get the bolt to loosen. When I stood up, I saw little man staring back at me, and I walked towards the curb and started to cry.

I felt defeated.
I felt alone.
I was scared.
I didn't know what to do.

I had called my work to let them know I'd be late. They gave me the highway helpers phone number...which is all fine and dandy, except for the fact that this happened DURING rush hour, and I was two miles AWAY from an actual highway. I called my dad, who basically responded with "what do you expect me to do?" as he was also at work.

Tears began to rush down my face.

As I sat in the front seat of my car, an object appeared in my rear view mirror. It was a man. He had stopped to help, and as hesitant as I initially was, I felt immediate relief. He told me to sit in my car. He changed my tire. He wouldn't accept a single cent from me. That day, he was my hero.

Human nature can be so powerful at times. I think back to that morning, over three years ago, and feel so blessed to have crossed paths with an individual who was selflessly caring and genuine.

Whoa uh ohhhh...oh oh ohhh oh ohhh*

2010-04-12T08:32:00.001-07:00

"If you like it than you should've put a ring on it." I cannot seem to get that song out of my head this morning!!

Why?

I had a great weekend.

Aside from some AMAZING april weather, a bestie hosted a party over the weekend.

I went.
I laughed.
I jumped on a trampoline.
I danced.
I sang some Christina with friends old and new.
And did I mention I laughed?

It's amazing how therapeutic a good laugh can be.

*totally harnessing Beyonce. Werd.

Good Times, Great Oldies.

2010-04-07T13:32:00.000-07:00

yeah yeah yeah...it's been a while since I've posted. Life is busy, beer is great, and people are crazy.

I HAVE to share this funny little tid bit. I just received an email that said:
"Thanks! That was fast!"

My IMMEDIATE internal response was "That's what she said."...then I busted out a true "laugh out loud".

If you can't laugh at yourself, who can you laugh at?

Hope all is well with all y'all!

I Did It.

2010-03-26T03:53:00.000-07:00

Deep breath in.
Deep breath out.

I tend to be fairly spontaneous in life. Earlier this week, I decided it was time for me to high tail it back to school. I think I'm officially crazy.

The program I found would fit my schedule (read:online courses only).

I took the leap, submitted my application, and now it's just a waiting game. My biggest fear is getting turned down for financial aid (read: CRAPTASTIC credit).

I'm doing my best, and my best is all I can do. I'm happy. I'm excited. I'm scared as hell. I'm giddy.

The waiting game has begun...Keep your fingers crossed for me!!!! -K- Thnx.

Tid Bits

2010-03-22T06:40:00.000-07:00

I've felt like my muse has temporarily left me...so how about list, eh?

- I'm still on my Kind Diet. I've slipped up here and there, consuming processed sugar, or even cheese on two occasions...which, to be honest, I felt as if I was being indulgent, but I also realized I didn't NEED to be eating it. All is going great! Here are my favorite dishes thus far...comment or message me if you'd like a more detailed description!

*Savory Cranberry Cous Cous
*Out of this world stir fried veggies including broccolini, carrots, asparagus and bean sprouts
*Killer Fried Rice
*Sweet Potato and Lentil Soup

- I'm still single, and I'm still alright with that. Sure, it's fun and exciting to explore new relationships...but I've got my hands full, and I've very glad I can acknowledge this.

- Anything you'd like to hear more about? Once my muse returns I'll be sure to post more regularly...Until then...keep being awesome!

My Kind Diet

2010-03-16T13:40:00.000-07:00

I decided to extend my vacation by one day since my flight was due to arrive at midnight. While sitting at home, recovering from a great trip, I happened across Oprah.

She was discussing a documentary called Food Inc. Honestly, I didn't watch Oprah from start to finish, but what I did see completely moved me. I've heard about things that take place in terms of animal cruelty..but there's so much more to it than that. Needless to say, I rushed out that night and purchased Alicia Silverstone's book The Kind Diet. I would highly recommend it. I'm not trying to stand on a soap box, I swear!!

I haven't consumed meat and have consumed extremely little dairy since this past Friday. I guess you could say I'm detoxing my body. I feel invigorated in the kitchen, and a sense of peace with every delicious meal I've eaten. I think it's a sense of pride knowing that not a single animal was harmed to fill up my stomach...and also a sense of pride knowing how good the food I've been putting in my body is for me.

I've never experienced a body detox before. With it being day 4 of my "detox", I think I'm doing alright. Not too much gas, but a little. Not too many sugar/meat cravings, but a little.

I've offered most of the food I've made to little man, but he's mostly scoffed at it. There was one instance when I made a sweet potato lentil stew that he took a bite and literally said "oh my gosh, I can't believe it. It's just so good!" but then a minute later told me he didn't want to heat because his heart didn't like it. So yeah. Does anyone know of any 4 year old-friendly vegetarian/vegan recipes??

Grounded.

2010-03-12T12:39:00.001-08:00

I woke up this morning, and decided to treat myself and little man to breakfast (read: we had just returned home from vacation and I hadn't been to the store yet, and REFUSED to go to the store on an empty stomach).

Simultaneously, he was waking up and rubbing the craziness of the previous night from his eyes. Stretching out, waking up, he was preparing to go out into the world, free, happy, and content. He would be heading to the beach to bask in the sun. He would be going to work, followed by debauchery and good times.

When I have moments where I can escape from my reality and take a "vacation" I usually stop and think "wow, this is the life I want. This is the life for me" (read: I was a month from moving to NYC after a visit...but then I found out I was preggo).

Picking up and moving across the country has always felt glamorous to me. It is something I want to do, and might end up doing some day. Today, I guess I'll stay put. Looking at little man is reason enough for me to keep my roots grounded.

..if only I could get my thoughts of Him out of my head (read: hottie I exchanged a few words with while on vacay...). If only.

Day 3

2010-03-09T06:28:00.000-08:00

We woke up bright and early, doused ourselves with sun screen, and set out for Sanibell Island today.

It was AWESOME. Chilly, but AWESOME! I couldn't believe all of the seashells...plus, the moment we made it onto the Causeway, I spotted the dorsel fins of some dolphins swimming in the bay...Have I told you it was AWEOMSE?!

We spent the morning combing the beach, and wound up with a ziplock bag full of different seashells.

For lunch, we stopped at a nook called the Lazy Flamingo. I had a grilled grouper sandwhich (it was delish), and little man had a hot dog (surprise) which was served on top of a frisbee that he got to keep...it was pretty cool.

At noon, we went on a sea creature boat ride. Not ten minutes into the ride, we spotted a pod of bottle nosed dolphins. It was so amazing to see these creatures in person.

For dinner we checked out a place called BoneFish. I thought it was unique to this area, so I asked the server. As it turns out, it's owned by Outback Steakhouse...and there are 150 nation wide. Although it was super unique, it was EXTREMELY delish. I had chilean seabass, with an organic garbanzo bean side, and some augratin potatoes which were heaven on a plate. I also tried a coconut cream pie, and whoa boy it was good.

Day 2

2010-03-08T06:12:00.000-08:00

Today we had tickets for the 2010 Spring Training Home Opener for the Minnesota Twins. The weather was set to be sunny and 67-ish...the perfect weather for an outdoor game! We piled on our Minnesota Twins gear, and headed out the door...but just before we left I pulled out our tickets to stare at them in excitement when GASP! I HADN'T BROUGHT THE ACTUAL TICKETS!!!!! What did I bring? Tickets for Twins Fest (which we hadn't used back in January...).
I felt like a COMPLETE TOOL! Baseball was one of the main reasons for coming down here and I managed to muck it up by forgetting the tickets.
Instead of letting my stupidity ruin our day, we found a Target (which always manages to cheer me up...go figure). After some retail therapy, we headed to the ball park to see if there was anything the ticket booth could do to help me out....they swiped my credit card and actually reprinted my tickets for me!! I was so happy, I almost started crying then and there.
The ballpark itself was beautiful. It was amazing to see the boys in action so up close and personal...plus, a kid I graduated from high school with actually got some playing time...I wish I could say I knew him well, but at least I can say that I know him (although, I'd bet money he doesn't know me..hahaha).
Our lunch was held at the stadium...hot dogs, popcorn and peanuts.
For dinner, we walked next door to our hotel to a charismatic place called Mel's Diner. It was fun, but the food was only alright.

Day 1

2010-03-06T17:56:00.000-08:00

Okay...So I know vacation recaps can be kind of boring to read....but I'm not going to apologize, because this is about me wanting to preserve my thoughts while they're fresh in my head..thanks.

Day 1:
Awesome flight. Little man even snoozed on the plane!
We found our hotel without any issues, although we needed to kill a couple of hours before our room was ready...so we ventured up the road to Perkins for some lunch, and then to the local Walmart for some snacks. (Not going to lie, the Walmart was old, run down, and was NOT a good first impression...And I totally over bought snacks, I digress).
After we checked in and were settled, we set out on a mini adventure and found the coolest park EVER! It had an awesome play area for little man, and a really cool board walk for some awesome nature sight seeing. Dinner was had at a local eatery called Bahama Breeze, where little man and I split grilled salmon, green beans, and Cinnamon sweet potatoes.

FINALLY...

2010-03-05T06:17:00.000-08:00

Thanks for taking the time to read my previous post. It was pretty dark, but my motivation was stemmed from the thought/belief that by sharing what I have survived, maybe someone somewhere will hear my story and feel like they will survive through dark times too.

++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

So...I'm FINALLY FINALLY FINALLY on vacation. It only took a bit of insanity for me to book this trip...but I did it, and right now I'm in Florida, soaking up the chilly sun...hitting up MLB Spring Training and being as much of a Jersey Chaser as I can possibly be! MWHAHAHAHAHA.

Of course little man had to come down with his first case of Strep Throat on Monday...ya know, just to make things interesting. He's on meds, and the timing actually worked out since he was able to take antibiotics for a few days before we took off.

If I get a moment I'll try to post a vacation update...but if I forget, I'll be thinking of you for the next week!

My Escape.

2010-03-03T07:42:00.000-08:00

We met in February, and it was lust at first sight.

The relationship was intoxicating. I knew he had a troubled past, but my heart had faith things would be different with me. I could make him change.

I didn't allow myself to see or acknowledge his drug use. I didn't allow myself to see his temper. Although he never hit me, I saw his volatility...especially when he drank....and drink he could. Jack was his flavor of choice. Once his body was filled with the poison, he would snap and throw his weight around with people he called his friends.

I saw him get into screaming shoving matches.
I saw him kick doors in.
But I didn't really see him.

It wasn't until one spring night, just four months after our tumultuous relationship began, that I allowed myself to see his true colors. He arrived at my house late and had a cold look in his eye. I had been sitting at home, watching television. He knocked, and I let him in. When it was obvious to me that he was trying to pick a fight, I asked him to leave. My proclamation of independence was enough to push him over the edge. He wouldn't leave. He took my phone. His eyes were so cold and completely wild, and I had never been so afraid for my life. I tried to physically push him out of my house. Since I couldn't call the police at this point, I knew I needed to find a way to get from the second story duplex (read: my home) to my car.

Could I jump out of the window? Maybe.

It was then that he had tore open the screen to my entry way window, unlocked the dead bolt, and kicked in the door chain. He threw me on my bed, covered my mouth and demanded me to stop crying. I did, and when he let me stand up and asked me what MY problem was, a light bulb went off in my head. I knew I needed to act psychotic to escape..and act psychotic I did. I created an out, grabbed my keys, and darted out of the door to my car.

That night I drove to my mom's house. The next morning I filed a restraining order. Two weeks later I found out I was pregnant.

Some might look at my story and think "Why didn't you open your eyes and just LEAVE?!" or think I opened my eyes to see his dark side a month too late.

I don't look at it that way.

My son is an absolute blessing. He makes me see the world differently. He makes me see myself differently. He is the blessing that I needed. He is the best thing that could've ever happened to me.
I share this with you because a local radio station asked people to share their stories about how they broke free from an abusive relationship. I guess I broke free because I finally decided to open my eyes and actually SEE what was going on. I'll be the first to tell you that I was apprehensive to file the restraining order. We saw each other a couple of times soon after it was filed, when I found out I was pregnant. The night I told him I was pregnant, and he decided to go home and get high on whatever drug he chose at the time, then disappear on a four day meth binge was the last time I saw him.

I deserved better, and my son did and always will deserve the best. I broke off all contact going forward, and if I had to do it all over again, I would do it just the same.

Sure, I was scared....but I did it, and I survived.

Entitlement

2010-02-24T05:58:00.000-08:00

Entitlement. Where does one develop such a thing? I suppose if you are the entitled, life is pretty darn good...but if you don't feel entitled then WHOA BOY watch out.

This morning I stopped into a small cafe to pick up a cup of joe and some milk for my breakfast. While at the checkout line I witnessed an entitled bizzo walk in, and snap at the guys working behind the counter. Now, I'm not close with the guys who work in this cafe, but I know they work darn hard, and that english is completely and totally their second language (props to them...because I ONLY know english...I digress).

See, when the woman approached the counter, they politely asked her what they could get for her...and that's when it happened. She rudely exclaimed "I order the SAME THING EVERY TIME I COME IN HERE....don't ask ME what I want"...then traipsed away.

I exchanged a WTF glance with the guys behind the counter.

This woman had SO MANY different ways of expressing that she wanted them to make "her usual"...and also didn't take a single second to realize that she wasn't THE ONLY PERSON who walked into the cafe around 7:30am and ordered breakfast.

Do I feel entitled? Not in the least. I am a person who deserves respect, sure...every one deserves respect.

Today

2010-02-22T08:19:00.000-08:00

This morning didn't start out bad. Little man was agreeable when it came to getting ready to head out the door. Traffic felt light. In fact, I even had time to run through and get coffee. It was a great Monday.

Enter when I'm sitting at my desk and I manage to spill half of my coffee down the front of my shirt...My white shirt.

Eff.

I calmly got up, and proceeded to a sink where I scrubbed with some Ivory. And ya know what? The stain lifted. I almost starting singing...but I didn't. I just smiled, and returned to my desk...wet shirt and all.

I don't know when, why or where my perspective on life shifted....but it did. I feel less anxious, more serene, and not phased by nearly as much as I would have been five years ago. Life might spill coffee on the front of your shirt...but a bit of soapy water, and some calm temperament was the spoon that helped the medicine go down. No fuss. No stress. No worry.

Another Year...Part II

2010-02-19T05:50:00.000-08:00

Four years ago today my baby boy was born. Tears well up in my heart when I realize how fast the time has gone. The time has literally whisked by me...I can hardly believe he's a towering, beaming, happy, healthy toddler...

He's a year closer to being in school.
A year closer to being able to drive.
A year closer to having his first crush.
A year closer to graduating high school.
A year closer to graduating college.
A year closer to starting a family of his own.

Yeah, some of you might think I'm being a bit melodramatic...but to that I say poppycock.

Time flies. I'm so thankful for that...but the selfish person inside of me is a little sad. On days like today, I wish with all of my heart I could make time stand still.

Happy birthday little man. I love you so much it hurts.

Another Year...

2010-02-09T06:28:00.000-08:00

none the wiser.

Or am I?

I'm officially one year older (as of yesterday).
I'm officially in my late twenties (yikes!!).
I'm officially kinda sorta starting to freak out, but simultaneously have a calm aura and outlook on life.

26 wasn't a bad year in the least...for me, it was a learning year. A time that I now realize, when I look back on it, was tough and full of hidden road bumps. I guess life is almost always full of hidden road bumps..but 2009 seems to have trumped the rest thus far.

Life at 27 will be great, because that's how I want it to be. If I hit a road bump, I'm ready, willing and able to look past it. I'm not saying I won't slip up and feel out of control at times..I'm saying I'm ready for life to "bring it on".

The good.
The bad.
The frustrating.
The joys.
All of it.

I'm excited to watch little man's personality develop.
I'm excited to see what each day will bring.
I'm looking forward to belly-aching laughter with friends.
I'm looking forward to new adventures in the kitchen.

My 27th year is already going great...and it's only day two. On January 1st, I decided to dedicate 2010 to me. So far, I think I'm accomplishing just that...and at the risk of sounding redundant, I'm absolutely excited.

Guilty.

2010-01-31T11:27:00.000-08:00

So peeps...I've started online dating again. Well, not actually DATING...but actively looking for a date. I can't decide if I'm happy about this or depressed. What I CAN tell you is I'm a total hypocrite.

I was browsing the "available men" today, and came across a profile that caught my eye. Tall, dark and handsome. I looked a little more into his profile, and it stated he has never been married, but had kids. My immediate thought was to click "next"! And then I felt horribly guilty.

I've never been married.
I've got kids.

I've been scorned in the past, and his profile made it sound like he's still got MAJOR trust issues (read: "I am sick of women cheating on me").

I don't plan on contacting this person...too many OTHER red flags went off when I read his profile...I wonder how many red flags my profile sets off with other guys. I'm very careful about NOT proclaiming to the world that I'm a single mom..I really want a guy to get to know me for me, and not run away screaming from text that says "I've never been married and I have kids".

Meh. Hopefully Karma will be kind to me.

Warm Fuzzies

2010-01-22T08:35:00.001-08:00

Warm fuzzies and cold pricklies remind me immediately of Kindergarten. We would sit in a circle, and talk about how warm fuzzies were the greatest thing since sliced bread...and be discouraged to send cold pricklies to our friends.

We were then forced to go around the circle and say a warm fuzzy about the person next to us. It was KIND OF awkward...especially if you were sitting next to the weird kid class (read: me), but it showed us that it felt good to receive a compliment, and it felt great giving a compliment.

I feel like warm fuzzies fade into distance the older you grow...so I implore you to reach out to someone today, and send out a warm fuzzy.

It's simple. It's nice. It's free. What's not to like?

Now THAT'S Customer Service!

2010-01-20T08:07:00.000-08:00

The night after the crock pot foiled my dinner (read: it wasn't my crock pot's fault...it was MY fault! I digress) on my drive home from work the wheels in my head started spinning. What was I gonna do for dinner?!?!

I had the makings for chicken tikka masala...but I did NOT feel like 1) Cleaning my kitchen. 2) Cooking. 3) Cleaning my kitchen post cooking.

I asked little man what he wanted for dinner and he exclaimed he wanted to go to a restaurant.

Fast food sounded gross to me...and a restaurant sounded completely outside of my budget.

Then, a lightbulb went off inside of my head. I had received an email earlier in the day advertising for a $4.95 dinner buffet at one of my favorite local Indian spots....$4.95 is within my budget...and usually this place doesn't charge kids for their buffet...and even if they DID charge me for little man, it was only five bucks so whatev's.

Dinner was unreal.

The bill was 6 dollars.

It was the PERFECT follow up dinner to my foiled spaghetti sauce.

Boom. Boom. POW!

Foiled.

2010-01-19T11:04:00.000-08:00

What's worse than a foiled dinner?
I'll tell ya! What's worse than a foiled dinner is having a small taste of what's to come the night before, only to be left foiled come the night of said dinner...Grr.

Sunday was going well. We had taken a trip to the hospital to visit, watched some of the AWESOME Vikings game, and also made our way to the opposite side of town to visit with some MORE relatives.

On the way home, I was responsible and stopped at the grocery store to pick up meal items for my week..including the classic ingredients for Spaghetti and Meatballs.

Since I typically DREAD putting a meal together on Monday night, I thought I'd be proactive and put my meatballs together on Sunday night. In with the beef I mixed Italian bread crumbs, fresh grated Parmesan cheese, basil, garlic, onion, olive oil and a pinch of salt and pepper.

The brilliant mixture left me uneasy sitting raw in my fridge for too long...so I HAD to bake them right then and there. But what to do after they were done baking?? OH! I KNOW!! Put them in the crock pot with my homemade sauce mixture and let them all simmer together.....People, I was so excited that, not only was my meal ready to go, but all I would have to do come Monday night was boil some noodles and VIOLA! The perfect meal.

I've been a crock pot owner for YEARS...but I guess I don't use it enough to have crock-pot-common-sense. I let my sauce simmer with my meatballs overnight...in the morning things smelled AMAZING....so of COURSE I let it simmer on low while I was at work....only to arrive home on Monday night to burnt, nasty smelling stench that riddled my entire home.

My dinner was foiled....by my own stupidity.

Plain noodles with a pinch of parm was our dinner. Definitely not what I hoped it was going to be!!

Lesson learned.

Hmph.

2010-01-15T06:33:00.001-08:00

Today I'm a wrecking ball of emotions. Yes, I still have a positive outlook on 2010...but a person in my family is sick...and nobody knows who, what, where, when or why.

If you know me well, you know that my family's picture sits in the dictionary next to the word Dysfunctional. A divorce when I was a senior in high school. My mom living with the man who was at the center of the divorce thereafter. Tough times communicating with each other....and the list goes on.

None the less...it's my family, and as much as I've disliked them, I love them just the same.

It's really scary when someone in your family is sick. It's even worse when they get sick in front of you (read: lose consciousness, fall HARD onto the floor and you think they've just dropped dead). And the cherry on the sundae is when the doctors THINK they know what's going on...only to have the powers that be laugh in their face when the symptoms don't go away, and more dropping-dead fainting ensues.

I know there are far worse things going on in the world (i.e. Haiti), but if you get a chance could you send some positive vibes my way? I'd really appreciate it.

A new endeavor...

2010-01-07T10:15:00.000-08:00

I wasn't kidding you when I said 2010 has left me with a hair up my bum. In fact, on January 2nd I birthed an idea....

Here's what I've been working on

Yup, I'm trying out a different platform.

Please, if you have a moment...stop by and check the site out. It's different. It's new. It's fairly raw. It's me.

I'm still posting on here, as the other site has a theme that I'm challenging myself to stick to.

Hope everyone is having a great day!

Shifting Perspective

2010-01-04T08:48:00.000-08:00

I think 2010 has planted a wild hair up my rear, seriously....because I feel different.
A good kind of different.
A refreshed kind of different.
A motivated kind of different.

Saturday nights, most 26 year olds are out on the town...doing something adventurous, or drinking mass quantities of alcohol with friends. Not this chick.

I rearranged my bedroom. I don't know why I felt compelled to shift my queen sized pillow topped mattress to a different wall, but I did.

Unlike a lot of people, I hadn't utilized the priceless storage underneath my bed that a bed can bring. Well, actually I HAD utilized it, but had pulled all of my "under the bed boxes" out and had never put them back about three months ago, I digress.

What did I encounter with the first shift of my box spring and bed frame? Things which I cannot name. Let's put it this way...it wasn't pretty. Honestly, I can't believe that I had been sleeping in my room in the condition it had been in (for such a long time).

The following morning I made a quick trip to the store, and picked up my first bed skirt. I went with a white ruffle skirt...but kind of wish I had gone with a straight one instead. MEH! I'm refused to lose sleep over it. In fact, with the bed shifting I also managed to flip my mattress...I felt like I was sleeping on a new bed, and wow did it feel great!!

Happy slumber to all!

Today for you. Tomorrow for ME!

2009-12-31T04:57:00.000-08:00

The only catch about my title is tomorrow never comes.

I recently got together with a few friends of mind for a scrumptious dinner. Afterwards, we started reminiscing about how 2009 had treated us. All three of us are currently single. All three of us had numerous dating horror stories from 2009. It was at that moment we proclaimed that 2010 was going to be the year of the good men.

I don't even know if it's physically possible to dedicate an entire year to good men...so it got me thinking. What could I dedicate 2010 to? And then it hit me like a freight train...

I am going to dedicate 2010 to ME!

Yeah, yeah, yeah...it sounds selfish, I know. You see, I think it's high time I deserve some good, old fashioned quality "me" time. A treat here. Kicking my feet up there. Patting myself on the back here. Taking a vacation there.

In 26.5 years of life, I've never had the gall to proclaim I was actually going to take care of me. Look out for me. And be my own awesome self advocate. I don't know why...I've always thought about being a self advocate..but thinking and doing are two totally different things.

The Plan:
Dedicate 2010 to me.

The Action:
Start the year out right by scheduling a hair cut between today, and January 1st. (CHECK)

Go to see a movie in the Theater that isn't a kids movie. (CHECK...Little man is lined up to have a sleepover with his cousin AT his cousin's house the night of the first)

Go to the spa. (CHECK. I have an appointment for the morning of January 2nd)

Get in shape. (CHECK. I've started daily workouts...I'll post more on this in a week or two...)

Take one candle lit bubble bath a week...(CHECK. And let me tell you, what a GREAT way to unwind and clear your head!!)

Take a vacation. (CHECK. My trip is booked for the beginning of March...I'M SO EXCITED!!)

I think I'm off to a brilliant start. Did I mention that I'm roughly three laundry loads away from being COMPLETELY CAUGHT UP ON MY LAUNDRY TOO!?!?! Yup. 2010 is starting off on the right foot, so help me God!

Do you have any other suggestions for me? Are you making any resolutions or dedications for 2010?

The Loot.

2009-12-29T12:51:00.000-08:00

When I was young, I would immediately get on the phone following Xmas and compare what presents we got from our parents.

It was a completely juvenile trivial discussion...and at some points turned into a small competition with which nobody was in control...but it's what we did, and we did it well.

Looking back at those days, I can't believe I actually spent my time bragging about the gifts I received....kids!

This year people were very generous to both myself and little man. From coworkers to my own parents. I wish I had unlimited resources to shower those around me with gifts of gratitude...but I don't. All I have is my actual gratitude...and a phone for me to dial them and thank them non-stop.

I hope you were spoiled this holiday season...be it with love, friendship, family or fun little surprises!

Christmas and Colds.

2009-12-28T07:40:00.000-08:00

The holidays were fine in my hood....but I'm not here to give you a holiday recap..I'm here to tell you a story, and ask for your feedback.

Lets rewind to last Wednesday. I was set to have people from both my mom and dad's side of the family over for the second annual family festivus christmas party. I graciously began hosting this event because my family had stopped getting together...I digress.

I had invited my niece to spend the night since she and her mother would be attending a low key Christmas eve dinner the following evening (for those of you unaware, the Midwest was set to get get a monstrous blizzard the 23rd through 25th last week).

When the kids saw each other, they began shrieking in joy. They were running around, playing happily...and then my niece started gagging. She looked as if she was going to throw up, so I cupped her mouth and rushed her to the bathroom. She said she wasn't feeling well from being around cigarettes a few days before (they were visiting friends who were smokers). I was slightly concerned, but blew it off, thinking I'd address it further if her symptoms grew worse.

We had a great night, followed by a fun morning. My niece's mom was let out of work early due to the weather, so she came to my house to hang out. I informed her of the gagging incident from the night before, and my niece's mom responded with "Oh yeah...she was probably gagging from drainage because she has been sick."

WHAT?!

Yeah, you read that right. My niece's mom sent her to my house (a NOW HEALTHY HOUSE) sick. I was furious.

Don't get me wrong, I LOVE LOVE LOVE my niece...but when you have a sick kid, you keep her home...you don't send her into a perfectly healthy household to infect EVERYONE ELSE! I don't care if it's Christmas. I don't care if it's Hanukkah. You keep a sick kid home because that's where sick kids belong. Period, the end. Am I wrong to think that this woman has ZERO common sense?!?!?!

So, today I write this post with a cold...because OF COURSE I caught the nasty little bug from her.

I wonder if I should send her the doctor bill for when little man comes down with an ear infection in a weeks time from said cold? I am completely tempted to do so. Seriously.

So...back to the part where I ask for your opinion...

Would you send a sick kid to someone's house? (Christmas or no Christmas...and for that matter, does it even matter if it's a holiday?)

Rent.

2009-12-21T07:22:00.000-08:00

Growing up, I was never/rarely exposed to musical theater. Granted, we had tickets to the Children's Theater (and don't get me wrong, the kids who put on those productions work really really hard), but I think it was a way for my parents to get me and my brother to sit still without fighting for a couple hours every month than to really expose me to the world of theater.

It wasn't until post high school where I learned or Rent, and explored Broadway (I use the term "explore" very loosely, as I've really only seen one Broadway show, Hairspray, and locally seen Rent a few times).

The first time I saw Rent I was utterly disappointed. The sound techs had effed everything up, so it was very difficult to follow. The second time I saw Rent, I cried.

Where am I going with all of this? Well, I'll tell ya! I've got most of the soundtrack of Rent burned onto a (rather) large MP3 disk...and I play it in my car quite often...with little man sitting in the back seat.

This weekend, he actually started singing lyrics to some of the songs*. He seems to enjoy them (almost) as much as I do...but then I have to stop myself and think: Am I a horrible parent for allowing my near four year old to listen to music that makes drug and sexual references? As selfish as this might sound, listening to the Rent soundtrack really cheers me up...and I think little man feeds off of me being excited about the songs....so for now, I think I'll still listen to Rent, with little man in tote...but maybe not quite as often as this past weekend.

*I busted him singing "honest living, honest living, honest living" from the Christmas Bells song...as well as "Follow the man, follow the man..with his pockets full of the jam."

Christmas Bells Are Ringing.

2009-12-18T07:46:00.000-08:00

I love Christmas. I really really do.

Being the single mom that I am, and having a child who is just under the age of caring what I buy at the store...90% of my Christmas shopping was completed with little man in tote. I doubt he'll really realize, but to be safe I managed to take a solo trip to Target last night and buy some Lightning McQueen wrapping paper, cool bows, some candy canes and a special ornament for myself and little man...to make the morning a little more special. I truly hope he is surprised, and cannot wait to see the look on his face on Christmas morning.

In the next five days, I will be hosting two family Christmas parties, making a boat-load of chicken wings, and putting on my first Christmas Eve dinner. There's so much to be done, but this time of year I hardly mind.

I don't know what it is, but Christmas is magical to me. A time to get together, laugh, eat and be merry. A time where, with a little bit of work and an insane amount of creativity, I can make little man's tangible dreams come true.

I'm TOO EXCITED TO SLEEP!

Same and Different.

2009-12-14T10:43:00.000-08:00

Physically I am in the same place today as I was a year ago..but something is different.

I still work for the same company today as I did a year ago, but again, something is different.

I still live in the same place today as I did a year ago, and (surprise) something is different.

I can't quite put my finger on it. I just have my "hasn't failed me yet" mom-gut feeling that something is different.

I'm pretty sure I was happy a year ago...but I feel VERY happy today.
I'm pretty sure I was in control of life a year ago...but I feel more in control today.

Maybe adding another year of life to my belt has left me with a tinge more confidence(?).

Maybe deciding to do things that make me happy instead of waiting for others to invite me is helping me feel refreshed(?).

I am still the same person today as I was last year...but I'm also different...and I'm very happy to admit that.

Travel Bug

2009-12-11T03:47:00.000-08:00

Since booking my vacay...all I can think about is traveling. I have traveled more than some, but very little compared to others. I haven't really thought about this for a while, but here are the places I would LOVE to visit before I die (in no particular order):

1. Backpacking through Europe. Nothing fancy..just going across the ocean, getting on a train, spending a few days in each country/city I visit, and soaking up the rich history and/or culture.

2. Taking little man to "Mickey Mouse's House" (or as rest of you know as Disneyland). I can't wait to see the look on his face when we go to Disneyland. It won't happen for a couple of years, but I'm really looking forward to it!!!

3. South Africa. An amazing country.

4. The Grand Canyon.

5. Alaska.

6. Hawaii.

7. South America. I haven't decided which country, but I think it would be fun to see and experience the culture of our neighbors to the south.

8. Yellowstone National Park.

9. Niagara Falls.

10. Australia.

And an extra place for good measure...Las Vegas. Yeah yeah yeah...I'm getting closer to age 30 by the day and I STILL haven't been to Vegas. I'll get there...eventually!!!

While some of my top-10 list is easy to achieve...others will take a bit more planning. I can't wait for the day I have everything crossed off...can you imagine the stories I'll have?

Letters from the heart.

2009-12-10T06:17:00.000-08:00

Dear Minnesota,
I don't mind that you 're cold for six months out of the year. I don't mind that you dump white snow that turns to brown nasty mush either. What I do mind are the idiot drivers you allow to dwell in your state. Could ya do something about that? Thanks.

Dear Idiot Drivers,
I'm sure you're thinking "Who are you calling an idiot driver?! Wasn't it YOU who almost got into two spin outs/accidents in the past 24-hours???"....I will not allow you to group me with you. Nice try.
Do me a favor and move to Wisconsin. We don't need your kind around here...especially between the hours of 7am and Midnight.
Thanks.

Living for Today.

2009-12-08T10:56:00.000-08:00

January 1st is right around the corner. The first day of a new year. A time where most people set goals for the upcoming year. A time where most people reflect on their accomplishments to date, their failures. A time to process where you are at in life.

This year, I've decided to look at the new year with a different perspective. With the road bumps, extreme highs and extreme lows the past has brought me, I've realized that focusing on things I can't change or predict is a waste of time. Sure, I think it's a good idea to have long term goals in mind...but I feel that setting too many goals clouds your vision of the now.

Maybe I'm not making a lick of sense. I just feel like the volatile state of the economy, and life in general, is too great to devote copious amounts of time worrying about what could've been or what can be.

Every day I wake up is a good day. Life is as simple as that.

Will Work For Food?

2009-12-07T06:59:00.000-08:00

I don't get it. I don't get people who feel so low and desperate to earn a buck that they need to sit at the corner of freeway off ramps with a sign stating how much help they need.

I've been the good Samaritan and given money, or ran through a drive-thru and bought them breakfast...only to be scorned by friends and family after.

Today, however, I am annoyed by these people..even though my heart still goes out to them. Has life really gotten THAT BAD that they feel the need to beg on the corner to score their next meal? I'll be the first to tell you, although I've experienced MANY setbacks, life has never gotten that bad for me. Maybe that's something I should be thankful for.

Are these people who REALLY need help, or are they just scamming for a free ticket?

What are your thoughts on panhandlers/beggars/"will work for food" (but really want you to throw them a 20 and be on with your day) folks on the corner?

P.S. "Will work for food" does not mean sit on a corner with your dog, looking dirty and sad. Will work for food entails cleaning up, and applying yourself, be it through assistance or WHATEVER (there are many programs peeps...many many programs). (insert where I sound like an arse here).

This Just In...

2009-12-04T11:34:00.001-08:00

I DID IT!

What did I do?

I booked a VACATION! YAHOOOOOO!!!!!!

This might not seem like big news to most...but to me, I am soo excited.

I haven't been on a true and tried vacation since BEFORE I was preggo with little man.

This will be a vacation of firsts:
First trip on an airplane for little man.
First time I'll be renting a car.
First time I'll be footing two hotel rooms (we're staying inland for half the trip and on the beach the second half of the trip).
First time little man will see the ocean.
First adult "tropical" vacation that I've planned....And yes, I live in Minnesota and consider Fort Myers FL to be a tropical place.

I'm extremely tempted to print out all of the directions to places I want to go to and see this VERY MOMENT...but I will refrain from doing so for a few weeks. Maybe.

Snow Bird.

2009-12-02T06:11:00.000-08:00

I've been at a loss for words lately....and I can't seem to figure out why.

Life is as good as it's going to get.

Little man never fails to crack me up and boil my blood in the same breath of air.

The holidays are here and I couldn't me more excited or more terrified.

Oh!

Here's something that's kinda-sorta new. I want to go somewhere where the sun is shining over the winter!! Any inexpensive travel suggestions?

My budget is virtually non-existent, and where ever I end up has to be toddler-friendly, as little man will be tagging along on this adventure.

Flight and Hotel Ideal Budget: $600 total (for airfare and hotel for BOTH myself and little man)

Entertainment/Food: $200-ish (?) ...I don't know if that's too much or too little for entertainment/food...Honestly peeps, I haven't traveled ANYWHERE for leisure since BEFORE I WAS PREGGO. In a nutshell, that means I haven't gone ANYWHERE for over four years.

I'm tracking a couple of different flights around the middle of February. If the price of the airfare drops below 200 per ticket I will GLADLY book...but I think I'm hoping and praying for a miracle.

I'd totally be down for taking a cruise too...but I need to stay within the US, as filling out the paper work to get a passport for both myself AND little man seems a bit annoying to me at the moment.

What do y'all think?

Do you have any travel plans lined up for this coming winter?

If so...are you willing to let myself and a toddler sneak into your suitcase?? hehehe.

Hello.

2009-11-24T06:33:00.001-08:00

Today is techincally my work-week hump day. I couldn't be more excited!

Happy hump day peeps!

Nice. Real Nice.

2009-11-23T06:51:00.000-08:00

Why do I EVER open my mouth? Lady Luck, Fate, The "man" upstairs...whatever you want to call "it" never fails to slap me upside the head whenever I come close to gloating about little man's health.

Weekend Re-cap? SURE!

We (little man and I) found ourselves at an open house/housewarming party on Saturday evening. There were tons of kids, bouncing in an indoor bounce house...pretty much every childs wet dream.

There were tons of people. Everywhere.

The food was DELISH, a spread of homemade Chipotle style chicken, rice, beans and all of the fun fixins.

After supervising little man for a couple of hours, we were on our way home. We snuggled in on the couch, and watched a movie. Little man was in bed shortly before 9 (late, but don't judge, it was a SATURDAY after all).

Since I didn't feel like being productive, I managed to veg-out on the couch, catching some SNL, and falling asleep in the process.

Around midnight, little man came BOLTING out of his room, crying hysterically. I darted awake (still on the couch of course) and picked him up to try and decipher what was wrong...and then....I smelled it.

The poor little man had gotten sick all over his bed, floor and some various toys and books that he HAS to have next to his bed when he goes to sleep at night, including his Goodnight Moon book, and his Toy Story Woody doll.

My heart sank. Although my little man is growing up, when things like this happen I'm reminded at how little he actually is.

All was well as of Sunday morning. We were both very tired from the night, but we both survived (losing Goodnight Moon, and one stuffed animal in the process).

Remind me to NEVER EVER mention how happy I am that we're both healthy. Seriously.

It's that time of year...

2009-11-20T05:54:00.000-08:00

KDWB Christmas Wish Season!!!

If you don't remember what happened last year, you can catch up here.

Since I'm fairly certain the link won't be clicked, here's what happened (in a nutshell).

KDWB, a local pop radio station, grants people going through tough times a Christmas wish. I took a chance, and submitted a friend of mine to have a KDWB Christmas Wish granted. She was a teacher at a local school, and had mentioned how the kids in her classroom came from tough homes, some without socks or beds to sleep in. I filled out the KDWB form and was extremely surprised when their office contacted me to say my friend's Christmas wish was going to be granted. Many many MANY tears were shed. It was a truly awesome experience, and I am so thankful my friend brought the needs of her school kids to my attention, and that my wish submission was chosen.

+++++++++++++++++++++++

After hearing all of the hub-bub about the Christmas wish I had granted for my friend, a person came up to me and said "I thought about submitting a Christmas wish for you and little man...I just didn't know how you'd think about it, so I didn't."

I was completely shocked.

I will be the first person to tell you that children are EX-PEN-SIVE. I know I've had moments of (what felt like) extreme struggle. Yes, my lights have been turned off (and were turned back on a day later). Yes, there was one Christmas that a last minute gift card from an uncle (which I should've saved for myself) allowed me to buy Christmas gifts for my niece and son. Sure, there have been times where I was uneasy about my rent check going through, or if I could afford to pay for little man's daycare.

With all of the struggles that I've been through, I've survived. I feel like I've come out of my struggles as "on-top of things" as I possibly could have. Never, while going through my struggles to survive as a single parent, did I think I'd be qualified to receive a Christmas wish. As grateful and honored as I am that the thought crossed someones mind, I'm also grateful for those with deeper struggles than my own who were afforded a Christmas "miracle."

++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

How do the holidays look for me this year?

Not good, but not bad.

With having to take little man to the ER, missing seven days of work in three weeks due to little man's illness (and catching the crud myself), AND having to foot a hefty dental bill within a couple of weeks before Christmas...Sure, things could be better....

But people, they are nowhere NEAR bad.

I'm healthy.
Little man is healthy.
We've got a warm place to sleep (and the lights are ON).
We've got food in our cupboards.
We've got each other.
We've got friends.
We've got family.
We've got a Christmas tree that WILL go up (the day after thanksgiving).

Is there really much more I need this holiday season?

I don't think so.

Happy holidays everyone.

I See The Light

2009-11-18T09:19:00.000-08:00

Just over two years ago, I started at my present company. At the time, I found out the health insurance of my current company was DIFFERENT than what I was previously accustomed to. At that very moment, my heart shattered into a million pieces.

See, I had been taking little man to the same clinic that I had gone to since I was a baby. I was familiar with their policies and procedures. The clinic felt like an extended family.

I was under the impression my favorite clinic ONLY accepted my former health insurance. Boohoo, litereally.

I have gone for two years (+) taking little man to various Minute-Clinic's for an ear infection or other miscellaneous illnesses. I broke down last winter, and tried out a pediatric office that was in-network....and wasn't impressed. It felt like a pediatric patient-factory. In and out, without much attention to personal details, not to mention, it was a HIKE to get to.

Recently, I discovered a small clinic close to my home. Little man wasn't due for a physical, so I hadn't fully assessed if they would be a fit for my #1 three year old (as well as his overprotective, semi-hypochondriac of a mother...me). It wasn't until he spiked a high fever last week that I took little man to this clinic. Let me tell you, it was a HORRIBLE experience (one which I'll share another time).

I was once told that you can (and should) only try and manage one change at a time. So, my blogging friends, today was the day I decided to call my insurance to get to the bottom of my issue: Could I take little man to his old clinic...or not?

Yeah, yeah, yeah...I should've made this call TWO YEARS AGO....but I was handling so much and blah blah blah, whatevs. The point is, I called today...spoke to a lovely lady named Brooke.

I CAN TAKE HIM BACK TO OUR OLD CLINIC.

I literally teared up on the phone. I consider this my first holidy miracle of 2009.

Karaoke S.O.S.

2009-11-16T13:13:00.000-08:00

The beer is flowing.
The lighting is dim.
The music is blaring....

Karaoke style.

I always find myself paging through the song selections for what feels like HOURS...only to settle on songs I've sang a dozen times(+). My fail safes that aren't necessarily crowd pleasers (either because I suck at singing, because they're usually country tunes, or both of the previous...I digress). Ya know, Gretchen Wilson's Red Neck Woman and The Dixie Chicks's Some Days You Gotta Dance (honestly people...those are usually the ONLY TWO SONGS I WILL ~~SING~~ ATTEMPT TO SING).

On my way home a song comes on my radio and a lightbulb goes off in my head "THAT'S THE SONG I SHOULD'VE ATTEMPTED!!!!!! RAR!!!!!!!!!!!"

So, I ask you this...What are some classic, crowd pleasing karaoke tunes...and does such a thing actually exist? Give me some ideas peeps....puh-LEASE!

Dear Friday,

2009-11-13T07:45:00.000-08:00

You only come around once a week, and I'm not sure if I'm alright with that. Most times, you seem to sneak up on me...and I'll tell you one thing for certain, I'm ALWAYS glad when you're here. Why can't you come around more often? Would that be too much to ask?
Most of the time you think you're high and mighty...which, I don't blame you for. I mean, your competition is pretty weak. If my competition was Tuesday I'd feel high and mighty too...because we both know Tuesday's are usually rotten.
Is there something I can do to make you come around more? I'll be good, I swear! I hope you take my request into serious consideration.
Looking forward to seeing you in seven more days...

Sincerely,
Stacy

Clean Sweep.

2009-11-09T06:42:00.000-08:00

I'm not afraid to admit that I loathe cleaning. It's a task I find extremely mundane, and boring...and I always have better things to do than to sit at home and clean, which is why my home is usually is shambles.
For the past month, I've been particularly HORRIBLE at doing simple chores like picking up the house, laundry, doing the dishes, etc. I felt justified since every weekend for the past month I have dealt with a sickness of my own, or a sick little man.
For as much as I HATE cleaning, I approached this weekend with a spark of cleaning motivation. I had made a list that is LITERALLY two pages long, and was determined to cross two things off of the list (note: each "thing" is a sub-list of about ten things).
I started with my kitchen, rationalizing that it's the first room you see when you enter my place. One by one, I emptied each and every cupboard, scrubbing the bottom surfaces, decided what I wanted to toss and what I wanted to keep. Since my kitchen is relatively small, I only had to go through four cupboards. Once finished with mission cupboard clean/organize, I moved onto the dreaded ABOVE the cupboards (note: my kitchen cabinets sit a foot below my ceiling, making them the perfect spot to collect random odd things...and copious amounts of gunk).
My kitchen now sits clean, decluttered, de-gunked, and smelling fresh. I love it. I still feel very overwhelmed with the tasks that are remaining on my list...but at least I've started.

Are you a cleaner? Do you loathe cleaning as much as I do?

Motivation

2009-11-05T08:17:00.000-08:00

Laughter
Love
Accomplishment
Self Worth
Little Man
Camaraderie
Respect
Dignity

These are the things that motivate me.

What motivates you?

NaBloPoMo

2009-11-04T07:49:00.000-08:00

I missed the mark on this one for the THIRD TIME! Argh.

The first year I was blogging, I was mystified by the fact that people participated in a "contest" and posted interesting stuff DAILY for the ENTIRE month of November. The second time I missed signing up by sheer happenstance...and this time? Well, this time I had been sick the entire last week of October, and don't have the internet at home....so yeah, another year without trying NaBloPoMo out.

I'm not SUPER bummed about missing out on this years festivities...I mean, I can hardly find the time to gather up my thoughts and opinions on life these days, let alone come up with THIRTY daily posts...Yeah...maybe next year!

Are you participating? What do you think of the NaBloPoMo concept?

Happy Hump Day, world of bloggers and readers!!

Back.

2009-11-03T14:44:00.000-08:00

So, the past week and a half have been a whirlwind of one sickness after another....I took little man to the ER just over a week ago (he was diagnosed with pneumonia, my guess as a result of the dreaded H1N1). Then, I proceeded to get sick the day that little man could return to daycare...I went to work, only to be scoffed at for coming into the office sick, and sent home shortly after. I was in bed the rest of the week...
When I'm at home, I'm without internet access (BOO!!), hence, no posts or updates in a while.
But, like I've already mentioned once....I'm BACK!
I'll try and think of something thought provoking to share....tomorrow.

Toodles!

Jacob's Hope.

2009-10-22T01:55:00.000-07:00

Since I was only six years old, the day is completely foggy in my memory, but twenty years ago today, my life changed forever.
My mother is cousins with Patty Wetterling. If you are unfamiliar with the story, Patty's sons and one friend were biking up to a Tom Thumb in their small town of St. Joseph, MN. On a country road, a man stopped the three boys, telling them he had a gun. The man directed the boys to throw their bikes in a ditch, and lay face down in the dirt. The frightened boys obeyed, and when the man demanded Jacob to stand up and come to him, Jacob did so. The man then told the remaining two to run across a field towards trees, and if they turned around while doing so, he would kill Jacob.
Jacob was never seen again.
To this day, the story of Jacob Wetterling sends shivers down my spine, and brings tears to my eyes for many reasons.
With the close family ties I was kept on a very short leash from that day forward. If we went outside to play, one of my parents was always with...even if it was only to play in our front yard.
Looking back, I know my mom tried to shelter me from the horrible happenings of that day. It took me fifteen years to figure out the real story of how Jacob was taken, as all my parents told me as a child was "he was taken by a bad, bad person." I completely respect my parents' attempt to guard my childhood innocence in that way. Instead of attending searches, our family attended benefit concerts which included Jacob's favorite performer, Red Grammer. I remember having to dress up, and sit in an auditorium for what felt like forever. I knew we were there because someone horrible had taken a little boy that I was related to, but I still didn't "get it" (with good reason, of course).
Every single body that turned up in the news, found floating in the Mississippi River, made those around me whisper "I bet you that's Jacob" or "there's no WAY he's still alive". I scowled at the negativity. I would quickly respond with a mature "STOP IT! YOU DON'T KNOW THAT!"...which would lead into the grade school "oh yeah?", and I'd go "YEAH! You need to stop saying that...did you KNOW I WAS RELATED TO HIM?!"...For most kids, that was enough to shut them up, and for others, I'd have to explain the relation.
Jacob's grandmother, who I knew as Aunt Eunie (pronounced U-knee), was a Saint Paul native. Soon after her grandson was taken, she displayed a large sign made up of white christmas lights that read "Jacobs Hope", that was designed to change to "Jacobs Home" once he was found. The sign was displayed in her front window for years, but unfortunately, Aunt Eunie did not live to see the day of Jacob's safe return home.
As the years have passed, the pain I've felt for the Wetterling family, and all they've been put through has intensified. Maybe it's become more real because I couldn't imagine having the strength of Patty if something happened to little man. Maybe I've become more aware of the physically nauseating reality of losing a child (...?).
Seeing how Patty and her family have persevered, and become active in educating the public inspires me. Instead of wallowing, and letting Jacob's disappearance define her (them), she has been speaking publicly about child sex offenders, and informing the community in Minnesota, and across the nation, about how to talk with your children about strangers. She is, without a doubt, one of my heroes.

Today, I invite you to share in my hope.
My hope for Jacob, and his safe return home.
My hope for other families who have been tormented from childhood abductions.
My hope for a brighter tomorrow.

If, by some miraculous chance, you know details to assist in unfolding the mystery of Jacob's disappearance, please please PLEASE contact your local authorities.

Poll

2009-10-21T13:40:00.000-07:00

Let's pretend there is a person in your life who drives you CRAZY. This person invites you to be in her wedding, but when she finds out she's pregnant and has to do a shotgun wedding (and plans the ENTIRE THING in less than two months) she turns to you for advice about how to cut her bridesmaids down from 8 to 5. She confides that she tried notifying the other 7 girls about this, and they all came back, assuming they'd still be in the wedding. And since we're playing the "pretend game", let's say you gave her your two-cents on the matter...which basically said they should feel honored to be included in the wedding as is, bridesmaid or not (not thinking you'd be the person excluded).
Now...fast forward to this "friend" ignoring you for two days...so you confront the friend via email and ask her if she's ignoring you because she's demoting you from her wedding...and the friend tells you that you're no longer apart of the bridal party.
Keep in mind, this friend has NEVER said a positive thing about the other people she decided to keep in her wedding..and said she would've asked YOU to be her maid of honor but knew the other girls would get EXTREMELY dramatic about it.
After an afternoon of exchanging horribly dramatic emails, you feel like this friend isn't as close as you once had originally thought....so you decide it's best to just cut off all ties, and fore go the entire thing.

Is that the wrong thing to do?

Recipe for Smiles

2009-10-20T06:05:00.000-07:00

1 Mixed CD
2 sets of lungs for singing
1 Bedtime Story
1 Giggling Toddler
Hugs and Kisses as desired

Directions:
Insert CD into car while driving home. Play tracks at high volume, during which time, begin to use 2 sets of lungs to belt out the tunes as loud as you can. Once home, go inside and put pajamas on. Proceed to bed and read one (1) bedtime story to one (1) giggling toddler.

Insert hugs and kisses as needed.

Really?

2009-10-14T06:45:00.000-07:00

I can't recall publicly admitting this, but one of my most embarrassing guilty pleasures is watching TMZ. Yeah, that's right. A ridiculously immature, yet extremely hilarious program that highlights paparazzi semi-stalking celebrities with video cameras, asking them ridiculous questions.
Last night, the asked the guy who hosts America's Most Wanted if he could help Jessica Simpson find the Coyote that took her dog*. See? Funny stuff.
The only gripe I have is that TMZ is on late at night (too late for me really...but I just can't resist it!!).
No matter what kind of day I'm having, I know that at 10:30 I can flip on the television and watch a 30 minute program that cracks.me.up.
Do you watch any television programs that make you laugh out loud?

*in case you live in a cave, Jessica Simpson's dog, Daisy, was stolen by a wild Coyote...never to be found again...sad, right? (a story I also learned about via TMZ).

**I also laugh out loud at How I Met Your Mother, and The Office.

Happy Sigh.

2009-10-13T07:02:00.000-07:00

Today, I am happy.
Some would call me crazy...but if you knew me, you'd already know I'm all sorts of crazy.
The past few days have been whimsical. It has snowed in my neck of the woods...the first time in seven years we've had snow this early, and it makes me smile. Granted, I don't have many negative repercussions in terms of snow. I don't have to shovel or plow. I'm allowed the joys of kicking back, watching the flakes peacefully fall, and soaking it all up.
Since the first measurable snow came so early this year, it melted ALMOST as fast as it poured down. The air outside was warm while the flakes drifted down..unlike December when the air is generally VERY cold and frigid.
Some are claiming that summer went straight to winter...but they're overlooking the fact that September in MN had temperatures consistently higher than normal...if anything, the MN fall has been AWESOME thus far.
This morning, the sun has been shining. The leaves that are still clinging to the trees are glistening. The realization that the holidays are right around the corner can't escape my mind...and I am happy. Happy because the holidays mean seeing people....and people generally make me feel warm and loved.
At the first sight of snow, little man came rip-roaring into my room shouting "MOM! MOM! IT'S CHRISTMAS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" (bless his heart). I had to pull out my calendar to explain to him that Christmas was still a couple of months away...but lucky for me, his excitement was contagious.
I'm not only excited to be around people this holiday season...but also excited to show and teach him the importance and shear awesomeness of giving. Be it to a food shelter, or a toys for tots drive..my goal this year is not to shower him with gifts, but show him how to shower others around him.
So yeah...I'm happy today. Happy for the weather. Happy for my health. Happy for what's to come. Plain and simple, I'm happy.

Tired Eyes

2009-10-12T06:12:00.000-07:00

My thoughts on this weekend will hopefully group together soon. In a nutshell, I was at the Twins playoff game last night..and it was emotionally and physically draining. We lost, but I still love (and think) the boys that make up the Twinkies are hometown heros.

Sorry kids, but this chick has to focus on waking up right now. The coffee just isn't doing it!

Happy Monday!

Sunshine Committee

2009-10-06T01:15:00.000-07:00

I rarely write about work. It's a taboo subject that makes me uneasy to write about..but this...THIS, I cannot resist.

Our office is having casual Twins attire day to celebrate the 163rd tie-breaker game against the Detroit Tigers, taking place today at 4pm Central time.

Not gonna lie, this day has me giddy. The Twins always seem to make a run for the playoffs interesting, and if I had more time on my hands, I'd research the facts for ya...woe is me.

If you are unfamiliar with the Minnesota Twins, let alone Major League Baseball (MLB), here are some cliffs notes that will help you understand how awesome the Twins are.

The MLB is divided into two leagues: National and American. In each league, there are a couple of divisions. Each division has a champ that makes it to the playoffs (aka, the run for the World Series), and each league has a "wild card" (aka, the team with the most wins that DOESN'T win their division).

The Twins have a few great competitors in their division, however, they're all on the lower end of the pay scale compared to the Yankee's and the Red Sox. The biggest competitors for MN are usually Detroit and Chicago.

In a nutshell, Minnesota has been on fire this past month, making up a large deficit the Detroit Tigers held over their head. I think I'm elated because about a month ago, everyone in my office had lost hope this day would come...except for me. I never gave up on the Twinkies....I always knew they could make it this far...and I have faith that they'll prevail and allow the Dome to have one more playoff run, and perhaps even a World Series to boot.

GO MINNESOTA!

BEEEP! BEEEP! We Interrupt this Program....

2009-10-05T10:47:00.000-07:00

I swear...If I get ONE MORE TELEPHONE call from the Star Tribune asking if I want to subscribe to the newspaper we ALREADY RECEIVE I just might flip out.

We now return you to your regularly scheduled program of daydreaming, including rainbows and butterflies.

The Odds.

2009-10-02T05:15:00.000-07:00

A while back, I had a conversation with a fellow blogger about the odds of winning the powerball. She insisted the odds were one...and of COURSE I told her she was wrong.

So, who was actually right? We both were. While she was arguing the odds being one, my argument was that the odds were more than just one, for example one in (insert whatever HUGE number here).

Whenever the Powerball gets really really high (over 120 mil.) my office does a five dollar buy-in. I normally don't participate because:
1. I'm cheap.
2. I usually don't have the money to participate (even though it's only five dollars)
3. I feel like it's kind of a waste of five dollars.

Me being the scholarly person that I am, googled the odds of winning the powerball to feel better about myself....here's the site I found: http://www.durangobill.com/PowerballOdds.html

The site says the odds of one number winning are one in blah blah blah for the dollar amount you're trying to win. It's really interesting (at least to the geek inside of me).

Warning: The powerball explanation site contains a LOT of math, and a LOT of numbers...the last sentence in each section explains what the numbers mean...and if I can figure it out, I'm sure you can too!

The chances that I'll win the current Powerball is Zero. After all, you have to buy a ticket to win.*

*I'm sure someone I know will ACTUALLY win since I'm adamantly NOT buying a ticket...if so, please don't forget the little people (aka ME!).

Oh, the places I'll go...

2009-10-01T07:03:00.000-07:00

An awesome blogger friend posted a map of the states she has visited. It was a pretty full map....mine, on the other hand, is QUITE empty!

States I've Visited:

create your own personalized map of the USA
or write about it on the open travel guide

I've pretty much stuck to the midwest, only traveling out of the midwest a handful of times (mostly by plane).

I think I want to take a road trip next summer. I don't know where I'll go, and I'll definitely be bringing little man with...but I know I'm going to go somewhere!! Any suggestions?

Also, for you more seasoned travelers....How much time should I take off of work, and approximately how much money should I have saved? As you can tell, I'm completely clueless!! Any parents out there who would know of a great road trip destination with a four year old?

Ideally, I'll plan the trip around another company holiday so I won't have to use ALL of my vacay days...

Keep The Faith

2009-09-25T06:15:00.000-07:00

A while back, I posted a letter (that I'm too lazy to link to) about a walk I'm participating in. The walk is for the National Alliance for Mental Illness (NAMI). The walk is tomorrow.
As of yesterday morning, I had raised zero funds...which is all fine and dandy. You aren't REQUIRED to raise funds, but my gut (and heart) felt very disappointed in myself. If I could afford to contribute monetarily, I probably wouldn't be doing the walk (who am I kidding, of COURSE I'd be doing the walk, I digress).
I turned to people who I rarely turn to for support...My family.
I put together a short email pleading for help, but telling them I understood that money is tight so as not to make them feel obligated. I hoped to get a response, but my faith was running on empty.

A little about the cause...
I grew up in Roseville, MN. It is nestled between Saint Paul and Minneapolis (AKA The Twin Cities)..Roseville is the closest thing to a metropolis without being a metropolis. It has a small town feel while maintaining a large population, great shopping, entertainment and restaurants. In a nutshell, Roseville is awesome.
Aaron lived less than a half mile from my home. We were never great friends, but we definitely knew each other. He was the boy every single girl had a crush on, with his blonde hair, blue eyes, and boyish (amazing) good looks. He was a prankster, and very intelligent. He was Aaron.
Last spring, Aaron lost his battle with Schizophrenia, a battle he had been fighting for a few years.
His death was the second death from my neighborhood in less than a year, as another Roseville native had passed away suddenly from acute onset leukemia seven months prior.
The mother of a Roseville native, and close friends of both families who had lost their sons, organized a team to walk in Aaron's name. She found a corporate sponsor, MelloSmello, to match ALL donations made to Team Johnson. She has kept us pumped up about the cause, and for this I am thankful.

Where is this long winded story going?

After I sent the email begging for support from my family, I heard nothing. Hours went by, and not even a phone call from a family member....nada.

At 10pm I received an email. It was from the NAMI website...I had received a donation.

$100.00 from an anonymous donor that left a message saying "Keep the faith". I broke down in tears.

I'll be honest, I know who the anonymous donor is, and I will allow the donor to remain anonymous...but the words left in that message will ALWAYS resonate in my heart.

So I sit here, on this gloomy Friday morning...Keeping the faith.

I know EVERYONE has a cause they love to support. Everyone is hit up at an alarming rate, being asked for donations to this fundraiser or that charity.

I don't expect anyone else to contribute, but if you have an extra dollar, it would really be appreciated. It's a safe, credible site. A little really does go a long way.

Happy Friday,
Keep the faith.

Step Two

2009-09-23T07:20:00.000-07:00

I don't know where the surge of motivation came from, and frankly, I don't really care. What motivation, you ask? Well, the motivation to be a self advocate. To stop letting others make me feel bad. To put a stop to drama so I can expend energy on the positive things in my life.

I did a brash thing over the weekend. I unfriended every single family member on facebook (GASP! YOU DID WHAT?!). Yeah, you read that right. It's not that I really wanted to, but it's something that I had to do, and I am SO glad I took the plunge.

Why did I HAVE to unfriend my family members? Simple. I'm working very hard on reestablishing a healthy relationship with my mom...and I found out (over the weekend) that certain family members and friends of the family had taken facebook status updates out of context, and questioned my mom about them...making her feel like ALL I WANT TO DO IS GET WASTED AND PARTY...yeah...my family ~~sucks at life~~ rocks.

The drama is to be expected. If the drama in my family was put on a scale of 1 to 10, 10 being WHOA DRAMA, and 1 being no drama...my family would be rated at 1 Million. No lie.

I'm sure there will be buzz as to why I'm not friends with them anymore...maybe I'll actually get some phone calls for a change, but I can't be too sure, nor will I lose sleep over it.

Maybe I'm being dramatic myself...but I strongly believe that by weeding out people that are causing my life strife, I can focus my energies elsewhere...and that makes me really excited!

How do you feel about having your family on facebook? Would you (or have you) ever unfriended anyone?

Thank You, Primetime

2009-09-17T08:29:00.000-07:00

"If you don't walk out the door by the time I count to three, you're going to bed IMMEDIATELY when we get home."

"GO TO YOUR ROOM!"

"One more time and you will get a time-out!"

"STOP CRYING, SERIOUSLY!"

"I swear, you're going to make me freak out"

...Not the best or most mature dialogue to come out of my mouth. I'm tellin ya, toddlers are PRO'S at driving adults to the brink. I love little man dearly, but WOW has be been testing me lately.

"BUT I WANT TO BRING TWO HATS MOM! WAAAAAAHHHHHH"

"I DON'T WANT TO EAT THE CHICKEN IN THE PASTA"

"I DON'T WANT SAUCE ON MY NOODLES...WAAAHHHHHH"

"YOU'RE NOT MY BEST FRIEND!"

and the latest....

"YOU'RE NOT INVITED TO MY SLEEPOVER!"

Yeah...imagine hearing the previous...over and over and over again. Recollecting the dialogue between the two of us is enough to make ME cringe!!

Rewind to yesterday. We (little man and I) had experienced a challenging morning with one another, surrounding the amount of hats he could bring to daycare. I had told him he was going to bed immediately when daycare was over, and that he was frustrating me a LOT. I swear, the car ride to his daycare in the morning left me with a dozen unwanted grey hairs.

When I picked him up that afternoon, he had been good all day. A good report is enough to change my heart....hence, I did not send him to bed when we got home. However, when he threw a fit about WANTING CEREAL FOR DINNER I sent him to his room. I really don't like whining...so yeah.

While he was settling down in his room, I whipped up some homemade pizza (thanks to betty crocker just add water pizza crust, and other misc. ingredients I had laying around)...I baked the pie, and we enjoyed a delicious meal. When the meal was finished, we spent some time together, then I put him to bed (only to be met with resistance as is the norm these days..."JUST THESE MANY MORE MINUTES, MOM!").

After he settled in, I found myself channel surfing...only to come across Primetime. And what was the topic on "Primetime: The Outsiders"? Disciplining Children.

They followed three families; All raising a child/children alone. A single mom, a single father and a single grandmother (I was a bit annoyed that they didn't follow a fourth family that has both parents in the household, but whatevs). The single mom followed the time-out model....and she took it to an extreme that I could see myself doing, but I know I'm not THAT bad.

In a nutshell, I found it ironic that the day I had a blowout with my son was the same day this program aired. I'm glad I caught it, too....it taught me new techniques (although some I was already practicing) like ignoring the negative behavior, and praising the positive behavior (even if you're frustrated...).

A happy toddler equals a happy Mama...and vice versa!!

Here's a Turn

2009-09-16T11:41:00.000-07:00

I remember back to my childhood (it was a good one, in case you were wondering). I was afforded many riches; going to parks, participating in any sport I asked to play, regular family meals (until I reached middle-school, when meal time turned into fend for yourself..I digress)...You get the point.

My basic needs were met. I laughed with friends and family alike. Life was simple. Life was good.

Fast forward to high school, when my world crumbled before my eyes. My parents divorced due to my mothers' infidelity. My grades dropped. I lost self worth. I stopped laughing with my family...I basically stopped communicating with my family altogether.

The pain of watching my world collapse was part of a deep wound that never fully healed. Instead of confronting the issue I moved on, leaving the wound to fester. It would be brought up on many occasions in the years following, and was a stake driving myself and my mother further apart.

Little man came into the picture, and my mother told me she would be there to help. She was (initially) very supportive, and although she never stopped helping me, getting help from her entailed an enormous struggle on my end. Hours of begging, pleading and tears. It hasn't been fun.

Turning point:

My mom and I actually scheduled a time to meet, just the two of us, to talk about things. We went to a local restaurant, and enjoyed the patio together whilst sipping soda and sharing some appetizers. It took a while for us to talk about some of our major issues...but it was a great starting point. Hopefully we can heal some wounds from the past, and learn how to laugh together again.

Here's a Twist

2009-09-10T06:39:00.000-07:00

I've finally come to the realization that being around people make me happy. Weird, I know.

I've always known myself to be optimistic, and others around me have constantly told me that I'm an extrovert...I usually just shrugged my shoulders and muttered "well alrighty then!" and moved onto the next topic.

At a time when you're supposed to get to know yourself (aka college) I was almost always drunk. I had many internal issues I didn't want to deal with, so instead of turning to self discovery, I masked my issues with booze...and a lot of it, at that.

Becoming a mom has extremely tamed my wild horses. However, the horses inside me still yearn to run wild, but in a different way than six years ago. They yearn for spontaneity, and adult human contact. They yearn to be included, and accepted amongst my peers. My wild horses crave laughter with others, instead of laughter in the solace of my home, alone. They wish I am able socialize (with adults) in a casual social setting apart from the workplace on a regular basis.

A large part of my life I am still adjusting to is allowing my horses to run free, but doing so as a mother instead of a crazy young single 20-something....and also the way the people who were in my life pre-little man react differently towards me post little man. I can't really blame them...I mean, I was the first to have a child....and children really do change EVERYTHING. I can imagine seeing me sober most of the time, and slightly less wild'n crazy has also been an adjustment for them...but that's just an assumption.

Me, getting to know me, has been an extremely interesting process thus far. There's still a lot about me I haven't discovered...The path has been traveled since the day I became pregnant with little man, and everyday since I've been enjoying the ride as much as I can.

Single Parenthood.

2009-09-08T12:46:00.001-07:00

I feel like this is a bold, bold statement...but sometimes I think I make single parenting look damn good.

Let me be the first to tell you that being a single parent has presented me with an intense list of con's that have weighed heavy on my heart. Here's a pro, and a con;

Pro:
I do (and deal with) everything alone - the only resistance I'm met with is my own subconscious (and that of a 3.5 year old).

Con:
I do (and deal with) everything alone - No second opinions for this chick. No ulterior way of handling an intense situation.

Coincidence that they're pretty much the same? I think not.

I'll venture to say I'm stubborn..and I RE-FUSE to let the con's prevent little man from experiencing a well-rounded childhood.

I came to the realization that I make single parenting look easy when I was browsing some pictures I had uploaded to ~~shut your face~~ facebook.

I have pictures of the two of us on the field of the Metrodome, of us ice skating at the excel center, of play dates at the park...Almost every single photo I've taken of myself and little man have been taken by strangers. I tell you this only to shed some light on my situation. Is it easy to ask a stranger to take a picture of you and your son? Nope. But it's worth the (slight) embarrassment to capture our moments together. By no means is this a pity party...just a small glimpse of my reality.

I know I've written about my struggle to remain an individual apart from being a mom...and in doing that, I haven't truly disclosed what I go through as a single mom. Sure, I write about little parenting things, about how I get frustrated when little man acts up...or how I feel like I don't fit in as much with my friends who don't have children...and don't forget my struggles to make friends with other parents...Maybe the majority of my thoughts are over shared musings because I yearn for someone to share the sweet (and bitter) moments with. All things considered, I get that I'm a "mom" now. I ~~think~~ know that it has been a change for the better.

I believe in "damning the man". If someone doubts me, I love proving them wrong. Maybe I feel like I'm doing a good job because I know how difficult the last three and a half years have been. I know I've had choices. I could've given up at anytime, but I didn't...and ya know what? It hasn't been easy. I've shed MANY a tear. I've laughed off much frustration...however, the struggles I've been faced with (and continue to face every single day) are absolutely worth it.

Dear Blogger,

2009-09-08T12:17:00.001-07:00

STOP POSTING FOR ME WHEN I DON'T WANT YOU TO.

Thanks,
Miz

Dear Long Weekend,

2009-09-08T11:34:00.001-07:00

Be-Boppin

2009-09-04T06:47:00.000-07:00

A while back I made a photo slide show of little man to the tune of Natasha Bedingfield's Pocket Full of Sunshine. On my drive into work this morning the same song was played on the radio. It's not a very popular song, and doesn't get a whole lot of play time these days...but it's a beautiful song.

I'll spare you all of the lyrics (because I normally skip over copied lyrics when I come across them myself) but if you're really interested, you can read them here.

The song lyrics got me thinking (scary, yes...), music can be SO powerful...and can completely make or break a mood. Some people are so versed in music they can declare one song as their theme. I, on the other hand, am NOT well versed in music. Instead, I'm a simple top-40's chick...who loves ~~all~~ most things played on the radio.

Where am I going with all of this rambling? I am in dire need of good music in my life. Music I can sing to. Music that makes me bop my head to the catchy riff. Music that moves me.

I'm not necessarily begging for you to make me mixed cd's, but I wouldn't be opposed to it either!!

What kind of music makes you groove?

My Sweet Little Man

2009-09-03T06:01:00.000-07:00

Little man is a 2.5 ft tall bundle of sensitivity...and here's why:

While watching a "best of" episode of So You Think You Can Dance (don't judge me, there's NOTHING on television these days), little man declared this after every slow dance:

"Mooooooom, that's AWESOME. Oh my gosh, I'm going to cry."

..Is it just me, or is he sweet?
...Is it just me, or does he need a serious dose of testosterone?!

I love him.

Googled.

2009-09-01T08:25:00.000-07:00

Have you ever googled yourself? You know you have. EVERYONE has. For me, it had been a while since I typed my name into the search bar. The last time I wondered what one could find out about me via the net was when I had an unpleasant fellow from the Internet find out my address....creepy, I know.

Much to my surprise, I found out a few things when I googled my name today.

1) I have a twitter account, and I am a hard-working single mama.
2) I ran a 5K at a 9.06 minute pace.
3) I am participating in a National Alliance for Mental Illness walk (NAMI) in honor of a high school classmate that recently passed away.

All of these things actually put a smile on my face. They are all small details of my life that I am pleased to find out the Internet discloses, although they are nothing I'd bring up in an everyday convo.

So, since we've already covered that you HAVE googled yourself...have you googled yourself LATELY? Did you like what you found?

Happy Sigh.

2009-08-31T06:41:00.001-07:00

Ever have one of those dreams where you're left completely disturbed? I totally had one of those on Friday night.

It was about my good friend, and her wedding that was to take place on August 29th. I won't lie, the dream was so disturbing I didn't tell a single person about it.

How did the actual wedding on Saturday go?

Perfect.

Although the weather for the outdoor ceremony was slightly on the chilly side, it was an absolutely perfect day.

Good people. Happy tears. Crazy-fun dance moves. Memories of pure happiness that will be ingrained in my head and my heart for the rest of my life.

Too Good, or Not Good Enough

2009-08-25T10:57:00.000-07:00

If I was asked to label myself as a pessimist or an optimist I would almost always declare myself an optimist..ya know, a glass half-full kinda gal.

While doing some laundry last weekend, I found myself with a mixture of both pessimism and optimism, and I can't decide what to do about it.

OF COURSE it has to do with my (lack-there-of) dating life.

What, exactly, was nagging me?

Simple:

Whenever I talk to my friends about wanting to date they always respond with this fun tid-bit...."I don't know anyone I'd want to set you up with...none of the guys I know would be good enough for you to date." My friends are good people, with great morals...of course I (mostly) trust what they're saying.

...but then the little devil on my shoulder quietly whispers in my ear "really, YOU'RE the one not good enough for them! MWHAHAHAHAHAHA!"

I know, I know...I'm a good person. I do the best job I can with little man. I have a job (which is totally a bonus, considering I could milk the system and stay at home with little man...but my conscious would NEVER allow me to do that).... I'm also flawed.
I've got a minimum of 40lbs to lose. My face never seems to stay clear of blemishes (much like that of a 13 year old girl...grrr). My credit needs significant improving. When I PMS I am literally a biz-natch on wheels.

SO peeps...How can I come to a clear concise conclusion that I've yet to meet a guy good enough for me VERSUS me not being good enough for the guys I've met (and my friends have been too kind to actually say that to me).

Ah-CHOO

2009-08-18T11:35:00.000-07:00

The season of watery, itchy eyes and an equally uncomfortable nose is upon me. Late Summer allergy season. Gross.

The year of 2009 has brought me many new experiences, and Allergies.

It all started for me last spring. I don't know if it was my old age that finally did me in..but come spring time this year I felt like Hell had enveloped me for a solid week. My eyes were watering so severely that it looked as if I was crying.

I caved in and went to the doctor. Thankfully, I was given allergy medication (a nasal steroid {which always makes me chuckle when I say I'm on steroids} and an oral medication {which ALSO always makes me chuckle...I'm SOOO MATURE}).

I only took the meds for a couple of weeks, and slowly but surely was able to function normally without them.

and then BOOM! Last Friday rolls around and my symptoms were back! I knew a full blown allergy attack was upon me, but I played the denial card for a couple of days. I started taking my nose-roid on Saturday, and still haven't caved in and taken my oral (does that make you laugh too?? My maturity level revels that of a sixth grader).

All in all, I'm still surviving...but SERIOUSLY! Seasonal allergies blow goats.

Part Cuatro.

2009-08-17T06:50:00.000-07:00

Emily said...
This sounds like fun... I might do it too. In the meantime:

What is one thing you take for granted in daily life that would make things impossible if it disappeared?

What's the best part of your day? The worst?

I think the one thing most people take for granted daily, myself included, is having a safe place to sleep at night, and food in their kitchen. It's the simplest luxury, and I know my life would be different if I was uncertain where my next meal would be coming from or if I would be able to find shelter come nighttime.

The best part of my day, without a doubt, is the morning time. Here's how it goes down. I typically set my alarm for 5:40-ish...and hit the five-minute snooze about four times. Sometimes, little man crawls into my bed around 5am, and snuggles in...Sometimes I get the pleasure of waking him up. Either way, the first time we see each other in the morning we both smile. It's lovely.

The worst part of my day is usually the car ride home from little man's daycare. I know his days are long, and he's a bit demanding in the seven minute car trip. My patience is intolerably low. It's quite unfortunate, but I'm thankful the ride is only seven minutes!!!

Part Tres.

2009-08-14T06:01:00.000-07:00

sky girl said...
Most embarrassing moment?

Hmmm....Wow, thinking back I've had MANY embarrassing moments. Not many have fun, elaborate stories behind them.

There was the time the kid I had a crush on was told so by a classmate when I was young...At the time, Wayne's World was a popular movie. The boy was told that I thought he was "hot, shawing" and then was told that's exactly what I said (which it WAS exactly what I said...but he didn't need to know that).

Then there was the time in high school when my pants ripped down my arse seem in the middle of an Emergency Medical Technician class I was in. Yeah...that did a great deal of help to my already suffering self esteem.

The classic "I have to go big stinky mom!" in the middle of a public place could almost be counted as embarrassing...but then I look at little man and I laugh, interpreting the situation as adorable instead of mortifying.

Sidebar: I taught little man to say "Hey Bachelors! Mama's single!"...When the day comes and he actually says that to a random guy walking down the street will most likely be the day I have my most embarrassing moment. I should definitely start thinking before I teach my son fun Toddler Tricks.

Strange at it may sound, it's quite a challenge to recount all of the embarrassing moments in my life. I tend to block things out of my memory, and embarrassing moments are high on the list of "just forget it and it will be like it NEVER HAPPENED!"

Part Duece.

2009-08-13T11:20:00.000-07:00

doahleigh said...

Do you prefer a bikini or a one-piece swimsuit?

What size shoe do you wear?

Are you a hat person?

Let me first start out by saying that I HATE swimsuits. Sorry...but I do. That comes along with having a poor self image, and spandex? Really...who LIKES spandex? Not this chick!!
That being said, I currently wear a two piece suit that looks like a one piece. It's totally a mom-suit that's trying to be hip (which I guess is fitting considering me...haha). It's a black and purple halter (that shows WAY TOO MUCH boob cleave) with black shorts with a skirt overlay..that's right, I wear a skirt bottom...Seriously, you try having a kid and becoming addicted to Coldstone Creamery your third Tri and you'll be wearing a skirt too...trust!

My feet have been referred to as ski's on many occasions. I wear size 10 shoes. I've been told by shoe guru's that size 10 is the most common size in the U.S...I'm not quite sure if that's true or not! I think I only know one other girl with the same size shoe as me. You know what they say about a girl with size 10 shoes???? Me neither!

Am I a hat person? Yes and no. I really like wearing stylish hats...but don't have many in my closet. I'm known for hat stealing/borrowing though. I'll also voluntarily wear a Twins cap to a ballgame.

The first couple answered...

2009-08-12T06:17:00.000-07:00

Mandy said...
Where do you see yourself in 5 or 10 years.

If you could change one thing that would completely alter the course of your life as you know it today, would you?

Hmmm, let's see here. In 5 years I see myself with an EIGHT YEAR OlD BOY! Oh my god..I need a Xanax! (kidding...about the drugs of course).
If it were up to me, I would be happily married, expecting my second child. I would live in quaint house, and be Susie-homemaker. Aren't dreams great?
In reality, I will be single, continuing to struggle getting my life squared away. I think I'll have wrapped up school, and will also be in a different position but hopefully at the same company I'm currently at.

...FYI, that was poorly written because I have a really difficult time trying to figure out where my life is headed. You'd think it wouldn't be that difficult of a question!!

If I could change one thing that would completely alter the course of my life, I would move out of Minnesota. I would land somewhere with about six less weeks of winter..but a place that still would have a white Christmas. People are people, no matter what state or country you reside in..this i know. I just have a feeling that I'm not meant to settle in Minnesota. I don't feel like I belong here for some crazy reason.

Not only would a move alter my life, but it would alter little man's life. If I end up moving, I would feel the most comfortable moving before he enters kindergarten...which would only give me two years to get my act in order.
Generally I'm one to go where the wind blows me...but lately, I haven't felt much wind. Maybe life will start blowing around again...maybe it won't. For now, I've dedicated my focus on being happy and healthy.

What's that you say?

2009-08-11T07:59:00.000-07:00

I'm struggling to find blog-spriation today (haha, "blogspiration" reminds me of perspiration...Can you tell it's my first day back in the working world after a long weekend? I digress.)

At the risk of being lame, what would y'all like to know? Anything. Just ask. I haven't quite decided if this is a positive trait or the like, but I'm pretty much an open book.

Ask away peeps.

Period. The end.

2009-08-07T08:27:00.000-07:00

Of the few photographs taken of myself and little man together...this one is absolutely my favorite.

It was taken at the end of baseball season last year, on the actual metrodome field. I was sitting at home on a Sunday, and decided the two of us would go to a baseball game...just the two of us. No added adult to keep me company, just myself and my little man.

I was scared. I didn't know how I would manage to take a toddler to a game without an adult by my side to help me out. Yeah, I might sound like a huge baby, but between parking, getting to and from the ball field, watching the game...That's a lot for one person to handle, let alone one person WITH a toddler in tote.

Sundays are kid's day at the dome. We sat in the upper deck, and cheered for the Twins. We ate peanuts and hot dogs..and sipped on a root beer together. It was a perfect day, and it was just the two of us. After the game was over, the kids in attendance have an opportunity to "run the bases." OF COURSE little man was going to have that same opportunity, even though he was only 2!

Ya know, I don't even remember if the Twins won that day, but here's a few tidbits from that day that stand out strong in my mind:

1.) We survived the entire experience with a smile on our face.
2.) It was just the two of us...and it was still amazing.
3.) The smile on little man's face while running around the bases was PRICELESS (Although, I don't have a photo to prove it because mommy had to run with him because he was only two, and a bit intimidated...to be quite honest, I probably had just as much fun as he did..hehehe)

I never imagined I would be raising a child alone. It's a job I rarely get a break from.

No more running to the grocery store at 10pm for this chick.

Having to ask complete strangers to take your photo (as was the case in the picture above).

Trying to figure out if I can REALLY afford to go out because I have to weigh the cost of a babysitter into the cost of the movie, or the dinner tab.

I said it yesterday, and I'll say it again today. I'm in a great place. Yes, there are daily struggles that get me down. Yes, I have more stress in my life than I would like. All of those things cannot compare to the complete and absolute joy I am faced with every morning I get to wake up knowing my little man is loved...and knowing that my love for him CAN compare to the love that two parents would give to a child.

Period. The end....or is it just the beginning? I can't be too sure.

I'm Thankful.

2009-08-06T06:27:00.000-07:00

I'm thankful when the sun rises.
I'm thankful for starry nights.
I'm thankful for my health.
I'm thankful for little man.
I'm thankful for my job.
I'm thankful that I can read.
I'm thankful that I can laugh.
I'm thankful that I have no shame belting out a song while driving in my car.
I'm thankful that I have amazing people in my life.
I'm thankful that I care.
I'm thankful for the ability to feel.
I'm thankful for every step I'm able to take.
I'm thankful that I have a safe, warm place to sleep at night.
I'm thankful for the food in my cupboards.
I'm thankful being me.

I'm in a great place right now. I have many freedoms others don't. Sometimes I'm very hard on myself, but today I have decided to put my negativity aside, and enjoy life. Period, the end.

Let it Snow.

2009-08-05T06:16:00.000-07:00

Dummy Ass.

Those were the two words uttered by my (near) 3.5 year old on the way to daycare this morning. As I sat in my car, wishing I could get in little man's face to look him in the eye and remind him that words like Dummy Ass are naughty and inappropriate, I opted for the next best thing....Telling him he would go straight to bed or have his toys taken away if he continued to make poor language choices (yup, I'm one of "those moms").

Before I could finish my sentence, little man interjected and asked "Mama, do you have a Dad?" I felt frozen like a dear in headlights.

Was he trying to distract me from his poor behavior? Maybe.

Was his question pure and from his heart? Possibly.

I swallowed, took a deep breath, and was truthful with him.
"Yes honey, I have a Dad."
He immediately responded with "Why?" and the best I could come up with was "Well, it's just the way it is."

I have no way of knowing how his little brain interpreted my half-arsed answers. I could tell his little gears were grinding.

For the last 24 hours I have been asked a million and two times when Christmas was going to come. "Is it Christmas, mom?" "Now is it Christmas?" "Mom, it's Christmas?"

Following our morning discussion, and my lack-luster answers, little man asked if it was Christmas time. He mentioned he'd really like for Santa to bring him a Robot.
I don't know what his obsession with Christmas is truly about.

Speaking from experience, Christmas always seemed like a magical time to me. It wasn't magical because of presents...honestly. Christmas is magical because it just is. Although it's only August, I wish there was a way to harness the Christmas spirit right now....It sure would make life a little bit more sweet.

People are Crazy.

2009-08-03T11:03:00.000-07:00

How does one feel before they conquer the world? Well, I'll tell ya.

Nervous.
Excited.
Slightly overwhelmed at the minute possibility of failure.

Most of all, I feel like it's about damn time. (please excuse my extremly cryptic messages...I guess I'm also becoming slightly self sensoring in my old age)

With each life experience that passes me by, I've slowly opened my eyes to the acceptance of change. I've been able to comfort myself knowing that I'd welcome change rather than living an unfulfilled life, be it personally or professionally.

An awesome friend and blogger recently referred to the phrase "God is great, beer is good and people are crazy." I'm totally digging that phrase right now, except the spoon fed catholic inside of me would rather say "Life is good, beer is great, and people are crazy!"

The Wonder Years.

2009-07-31T06:43:00.001-07:00

I get by with a little help from my friends!!

Lately, I've been exploring my options. I've got a few things brewing and before I jump head-first into a foot of water, I'm making my best attempt at collecting some data.

Feel like helping me out? THANKS! It's very simple, really. All I am asking you to do is click on this link. It's a six question survery (multiple choice) and LITERALLY takes 30 seconds to complete.

What's the survey about? Diaper cakes.

No, it's not a cake made out of pooh. It's a bunch of CLEAN diapers, constructed into the shape of tiered wedding cake, adorned with fun baby trinkets and things to help out new parents. It's difficult to explain, and challenging to picture in your head without seeing one for yourself.

For your viewing pleasure, here is a photo of my most recent creation (to give you a better idea of what a cake made out of diapers looks like...)

Toys.

2009-07-28T06:09:00.001-07:00

Either my son has been possessed by a demon, or he's just acting three. The truth is, I can't be too sure.

My only request was for him to pick up his toys. Lately, when I've asked him to do so he replies by showing my HOW to STEP OVER THEM. Cute..but not really. I'm sick of stepping over/on toys. He has a bucket shelf system..it's very easy.

See toys.
See buckets.
Put toys in buckets.
Done.

My guess is he thinks I'm making him play in his room alone when I ask him to pick up his toys and put them in his room...Our communication styles just aren't meshing.

So what did I do to counter his refusal to pick up his toys? I told him I was throwing them out and placed every toy I could find on the floor in a garbage bag. Moves like that put kids in therapy...but I feel like I'm at my whits end with him.

He was around his cousin this past weekend...and lets just say (for the sake of being nice) that his cousin's attitude is nail bitingly annoying (don't get me wrong...I love her DEARLY...I'm just not digging her attitude lately is all...yes, I'm going to hell).

Let me be the first to sarcastically tell you that I LOVE WHEN MY NIGHTS CONSIST OF FIGHTING WITH MY ATTITUDE RIDDEN TODDLER.

His saving grace is how he can flip on his sweet side almost instantaneously. After I had hugged and kissed him goodnight, I asked him if we were going to have a good day tomorrow...His response? "I love you mom. Have nice dreams. We're gonna have a good day tomorrow."

Bless his heart.

The Game Needs Polishing.

2009-07-27T11:41:00.000-07:00

Bachelorette parties can be a BLAST! Last Saturday night was no exception. A great friend of mine is tying the knot at the end of August and this past Saturday was her "last hoorah"*. We ate great food, shared many laughs and equally as many shots of vodka. Our fun group ventured downtown with calculators around our necks...because the bride to be is an Actuary.
Many speakers were danced upon, and many poles were tended to.
However...let me tell you about me at the first bar we were at. All of us are dancing...we had planned on going to a few bars that night, and were about to head out to the next venue. I start doing some crazy-awesome dance moves with a guy (the calculator was a great starting point...a bit ironic considering how geeky a calculator necklace is). Then I (apparently) told the guy I needed to round up my friends..I was very concerned about keeping everyone together (a little too concerned I guess!!).
Once everyone got outside, a friend of mine came up to me shouting "WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?!" We were both laughing. She witnessed the whole thing..she said he was really sweet and cute..and walked away looking like a kid who had lost his puppy when I unintentionally rejected him. I guess I need to work on my game a little bit more!
You can put the mom in downtown Minneapolis...but apparently you can't take the mama-hen outta the mom! Lucky for me, I'll have a chance to redeem myself as I head out to another bachelorette party this weekend!!!